AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

[Laulau3]

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

Pretty crude but also a bit funny.

Correct. Sounds like he's obsessed with anal and takes every chance to nag her about it. Grim.

As I said in my post - the OP was absolutely entitled not to find it funny and her DH should know her well enough to be aware that she wouldn’t want to hear it.

It’s a really horrible joke that alludes to horrible things, but I’m not going to lie and say I wouldn’t still have found it funny. Not because I find the actual subject matter funny - I don’t. I agree it’s based on a tedious sexist trope and is objectively an unpleasant thing to say. But sometimes I find it funny when people say objectively unpleasant things. It’s the inappropriateness that I find funny, rather than the joke itself. That’s what I mean by ‘dark’ - it’s the darkness of laughing at the indefensible. I understand it’s not for everyone.

I’m really not defending the joke itself at all. It’s a nasty joke for all the reasons you said and although I still find it funny, unlike the OP’s DH I would certainly have the good sense not to repeat it to someone who would be upset by it.

Are you done? 😂

Yes, he is.

To the people who are telling the OP that she should know her husband’s sense of humour- isn’t it more to the point that he should know hers?

I find the term ‘smash your back doors in’ gross. It seems to be said by really immature, blokey, cheeky chappy types that give me the ick. Listening to them is like listening to teen boys at school trying to impress their equally immature friends.

Hope you’re ok and it’s not too much hassle with your insurance.

Perhaps you have! Because couples can actually joke about things like this and one doesn't take offence and refuse sex on that basis

Anyone else feel sorry for her husband and half the husbands on here?

No. In fact I think the women on here who think the OP needs to get over it etc, are all "pick me" women, and do nothing but hold up patriarchy like Serena fucking Joy.

HTH.

Some couples find jokes like this funny. There is a significant difference between this statement and the situation the OP talks about.

No it hasn't helped actually.

I actually feel sorry for those of you who can't have a laugh between themselves

I think you might be wasting your time trying to bring logic into this thread….

personally I read the OP and laughed. Then showed DP who also laughed. Because we found it funny….!

You sound like a bloke.

Referring to 'females' instead of 'women' is demeaning and misogynistic and this sort of terminology is often used by Andrew Tate groupies.

The Inbetweeners was funny because the characters were typical adolescent boys with no experience with women bragging about their totally imaginary successful sexual encounters with women. It's much less amusing when this sort of puerile humour comes from adult men with girlfriends, wives and children.

It’s disgusting at any time. Can’t see any how decent people would find this remotely amusing.

Some people don’t find violent sexual misogynistic imagery amusing 🤷🏼‍♀️ esp when articulated by men. They can still have a great sense of humour.

yep, this.

But also, he says that she's 'uptight' because she didn't enjoy the joke (at her expense, after a stressful incident) ... she was upset! and the first thing he does, KNOWING she is upset? Yeah, that's right...send her a text...'don't be so uptight and get a sense of humour'?? what a fucking prince he is.

I feel sorry for the many women here who have such low standards and a lack of self-respect. And the next generation that they are raising.

Their social circles are such that this kind of misogyny is normalised. they just can’t see it, and think others are being humourless prudes. MN makes me grateful for the funny, decent and intelligent men in my life.

There are plenty of clever ways to be funny rather than a crude joke about anal sex.

Absolutely not. If you feel sorry for misogynistic twats then more fool you.

You know i never knew that! Learn something new everyday on here

Alumnus of the school of Martin Goodman.

Apologies, I have no idea of the relevance of that.

I have never in my life heard this joke before

It's only repeated by men with a certain crude mentality or immature boys. Only difference is, an immature boy wouldn't say it in front of an adult.

A word from a pp stuck in my mind earlier. Neanderthal.

The “pick me” / “cool wife” trope is also incredibly misogynistic, though.

Suggesting that women who don’t agree with you are only disagreeing because they must automatically want male approval is misogynistic. Women can have different views and perspectives and to assume that men must be the motivator for that, rather than accepting that women are individuals who are fully capable of making independent judgements (even if you find them unpalatable) is a very misogynistic standpoint.