Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

[Sweetmarzipan]

So background. DH works in a fairly male dominated industry.

When he first started in this company he would be away fairly often. One or two nights away every 4/6 weeks. One week in April and the odd conference.

I almost always went with him if I could for no other reason than the free hotel. If there were other colleagues they would have have their spouses with them as well. We became friends with many of them and still socialise. Irrelevant to my post but we always had separate bills and we never exploited expenses and we never saw other colleagues do this either but obviously the room was the same price regardless of occupancy.

Covid came along and other ways of doing things came about so audits etc were done remotely and these trips are now few and far between.

Last week I did join him for the first time in probably 6 months. He was leaving the centre with a male colleague in his fifties and a female colleague (mid thirties but I don’t know if anyone will find ages relevant) who had joined the company around three to six months ago (DH and colleague differ on the dates).

As they left to check into hotel the female colleague asked if they were eating, but they said that they had their wives with them and the male colleague said that she was welcome to join them but she declined. We had booked a pub meal on our own.

They were all together on Friday but over the weekend she has made a complaint suggesting that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate.

An email has now gone out saying that spouses are no longer able to tag along.

Colleague was spoken to face to face and the bosses did seem apologetic. DH was on a site and saw the email and was phoned by one of the directors again with apologies.

Surely she should have been told about the culture of the company. I am really gobsmacked. Two other wives have texted me this morning and they feel the same. We had a really nice lifestyle there which is bound to have created a nice work environment.

sounds like she’s bittter that she had no one with her so sent the snotty email. Sadly nothing you can do but I’d be civil to her and that’s it.

The same thing has been implemented where I work, although I believe at our work it was due to people feeling left out so the shift was to try and ensure colleagues would stay together & eat together etc when away from home.

It's odd that she would jump to that conclusion but I also find it very odd that it's normal in your husband's company to bring spouses along on work trips.

She thinks you tagged along because you believed she would try to shag your husband?

The nature of the complaint seems really odd.

It's one thing to say that you think it's inappropriate and unprofessional to have spouses on a work trip but really odd that she claims that was your motivation for being with your husband.

Maybe a bit of Chinese whispers on the nature of the complaint?

I find it strange spouses were ever allowed to tag along in the first place. With that, the fact they've apologised to her but also apologised to your dh and your dh has seen the email she sent, it doesn't sound like a very professional company.

Is it not normal for people to be allowed to share the hotel room with a spouse? Lots of people seem to be against it. My friend has offered me similar in the past. Obviously I'd cover my own non-room costs.

There is always one! What a silly woman, you invited her for the dinner so it’s not like she had to be on her own.
she has just f@cked the set up for everyone. Could your husband and other people who took wives not push back on this as she has told a lie about the reason you were there.

I think it's a bit odd spouses going along every time. DH has tagged along on one or two of my work trips but only when I've been on my own. I can see why she might feel a bit uncomfortable about it.

I think she is right that it was a little inappropriate.

However, complaining about it and ruining everyone's fun, seems ridiculous. And the management changing everything over this seems pathetic

On balance I think it's pretty inappropriate to bring along a spouse on a work trip. I'd never bring my husband and he'd never bring me. And I think I'd feel a bit weird if my colleague's partners were there whilst I was working.

How do you know exactly what her complaint was?

I would imagine it was more about wanting to be in 'work mode' when away at these things, and bringing spouses along is a nice perk but does make it less business-y, so I can understand the change of rules.

Nothing to do with the company where or with whom your husband decides to eat and sleep after work. Ignore.

Sounds like the company were looking for an excuse to put an end to it anyway.

They're probably using this poor woman as a scapegoat.

Hmm, do they get time back for the time they are expected to all socialise together? If not, this seems out of line. If I were them, I would choose not to spend any time socialising or eating together, on my own clock, rather than spend it with her.

If I was going somewhere interesting, my husband would often tag along.
He shared my room and amused himself during the day. We paid separately for everything he consumed.

I would consider it perfectly normal.

I don’t think spouses should tag along on work trips and treat it as a mini break. It’s not fair on those who don’t have someone to bring along, and the evening should be spent with colleagues. She has some balls to complain about it.

Very very childish tbh

Company haven't got a leg to stand on. They can't dictate an employees social life.