AIBU to cut Sunday visits after partner’s mum complains?

[AmITooYoungForABungalow]

I don't live with my partner but go to his fri, sat come back Sunday night. We live in different towns due to work etc. We normally go to his mum's every Sunday but this was getting too much, so go every other week now. I knew she's not happy about it. His mum is 75 but a young 75, does voluntary work 5 mornings a week, drives etc. I met my partners sister in law other day for coffee she told me his mum was moaning saying she hardly sees him etc etc. I'm fuming, just had her round for dinner last week! Not sure what to do feel can't speak to her about it as don't want to get sis in law in trouble. Tbh feel like going less, or say partner to go but I won't. Any advice please? Thank you

Have you asked him how he would like to address this? It’s really a matter for him and his mum, certainly not something for you to fume about!

sorry my reply doesn’t quite read how I was meant to word it. It’s meant to say that she isn’t married and living with this man and his mum is slagging her off, it’s the opposite.

Shes a weekend girlfriend and the mum has done nothing wrong.

As a girlfriend I would feel obliged to visit my boyfriends mum weekly. , you could always leave a bit earlier on the Sunday if you don’t want to visit and he can visit himself.

i would only feel I had to visit once we were married.

Fuming is a bit odd. She just wants to see her son more, who you have stopped her seeing every week. You sound jealous. Let your partner see his mum, you don’t have to go with him.

This.

His mum was having a private moan that she didn't see as much of her son as she used to/would have liked. She may not be being reasonable but your sil had no right to pass her feelings on and you have no business getting cross with her. If you listen to people's private conversations (which you were, even though it wasn't your fault) then you will hear things you dont like.

I don’t understand what you’re fuming about. She loves her son and used to see him weekly, but told her daughter she's sad that it’s now less frequently. And you want to punish her for that by making it even less frequently? Why?

Why are you fuming? A mother is sad she sees less of her son. It’s weird this provokes such a reaction in you.

You can simply ignore this piece of information.

You can tell DP and suggest he sees his mother during the week.

Multiple other options. Nothing to get fractious about here…

This isn’t about you. Son visits mum once every 2 weeks, so 26 times a year and he sounds local. Can he not pop in for tea after work one evening?

I hope when my DD is older, we’ll be close and she’ll want to see me more frequent than that. Even if it’s just a quick cuppa after work.

Some will see fortnightly enough. I don’t have a great relationship with mine so only twice per year. Yet I know many who are close, that may pop in for 20 minutes daily or pop round a couple of times after work for tea or for the grandkids to spend time with them (usually the ones that will support with childcare and school runs too!). Not everyone, but people can and do carry on having strong family bonds as they get older

Why would you be fuming and feel you need to get involved here? Your BFs mother has mentioned to her one child she hardly sees her other. No reason for your BFs sister to have even told you given its none of your business. Its not you shes moaning about not seeing. He's a grown man who had an offer to see his mum on Sundays and an offer to see his GF and he chose the latter. They need to sort that out between them if its a problem. Honestly, life's too short to wade into other people's family dynamics just because you're dating one of them.

It’s up to your partner how often he sees his mother.

You, of course, don’t have to go. I’m sure they prefer to see each other alone sometimes.

I don’t understand what her age has to do with it. Women shouldn’t be judged by age.

I don't necessarily agree with OP reaction, but I think it's fine to cut down on weekly family visits once a partner is on the scene, it seems a lot to me.

It’s not about you

sister in law stirring

Why can’t he visit in the week, then you can stick to your fortnightly schedule?

Why do you have to go with him when he sees his mum?

He could see her 2 or 3 times Monday to Friday if he wanted.

Why does his mum think it has got anything at all to do with you?

His sister in law is a snitch . But fuming is a bit much . Maybe he should just go by himself .

I have 4 adult children and would never put any pressure on them to see me . I'm grateful to see them when they have the time in their busy lives . I'm 74 and don't want to be 'that MIL ' who is demanding and a pain in the a*se .

Don't know why you getting irritated, he has 4 other days he can see his mum, this has nothing to do with you.

So you're fuming because an elderly widow (presumably) wants to see her son. Get a grip Sunday girl.

He’s not your partner -he’s your boyfriend.
He should see his mum more - I wonder who it was ‘getting a bit much’ for. I suspect you have orchestrated seeing her fortnightly.
Why can’t he go alone?
He needs to grow a spine and you need to keep out of his relationship with his mum - you only get one mum unlike girlfriends and she won’t be here forever.

If she’s seeing her adult son every fortnight then she’s doing well!

You only have the SIL’s version and a lot can be lost in translation.

And not sure why you would be ‘fuming’.

It isn’t reasonable to expect that you would spend half your weekend days every weekend visiting his Mum. If he lived in the same town he can pop over in the week or Go for dinner Sunday evening.

The whole thing is for your DH to manage and react to. Don’t react, don’t respond.

It’s really down to your partner.

I’m wondering if he doesn’t want to visit his mum alone for some reason.

I’m also wondering if SIL told you as a way for you to urge him to see their mother more.

If he doesn’t want to go more or change current habits, that’s not your problem or issue to solve.

Let him go alone.

Why has it gone from weekly to fortnightly? He can go weekly surely even if you don't.

I think your being dramatic and making a lot out of nothing. You may even be being manipulated by a jealous DIL. I have sons. When one took of overseas to live people would ask if I missed him. Of course I did. Didn't mean I wanted him to rush home. Same when the 2nd one left town. I will always enjoy my time with my boys but they need to live their lives.

Does he see her without you being there?