Watch this argument with me

[Motherflubber]

I’m eating alone in a very small restaurant in a very small town and there’s a very small woman absolutely laying in to her dining partner who is resolutely refusing to react.

She’s in her mid-60’s I’d say. Her dining partner looks a similar age, he’s probably late 60’s although looks younger because he’s got that lanky teenage frame and posture about him. He’s deathly calm in the face of her fury.

Anyway, she’s fuming. It started about 20 minutes ago with a furiously whispered ‘well it’s just like it was in millets PHILLIP’. The ‘Phillip’ was spat with such venom I winced from across the room. There’s only them, me and another table here.

From what I can gather, Phillip has a long held opinion on something and as a result, doesn’t want to buy something that this lady would like to purchase. She says she will buy it for herself and Phillip has calmly said ‘that’s fine if you want to, I don’t mind you having one but I won’t be using it’. He’s eating a burger and switched from eating with a knife and fork to picking the whole thing up in his hands - this infuriated the woman further and she said that sort of behaviour was exactly why she can’t have him coming to Mark and Fiona’s next week. He didn’t reply to that and that also seems to have annoyed this woman even more. She has finished her main course but keeps picking up her cutlery and putting it down again like she’s stuck for something to do.

Phillip has attempted to change the subject a few times but she can’t let this go. They’ve not said what the thing is but my first thought was an electric car maybe? She wants one but he doesn’t? Whatever it is has clearly been boiling her piss for a while because she’s absolutely hopping mad that he won’t agree to use one of whatever it is. I’m also dying to know what happened in Millets.

Also yes I’m eavesdropping, although given the space is tiny and they’re feet away from me, I’d hear what was happening whether I was trying to hear it or not. It is indeed none of my business and if you need to tell me off to feel morally superior then please do go ahead. If you’re a people watcher though, come and speculate with me

Nominated for Classics!

Seconded!

I really enjoyed this thank you. I read last night and have enjoyed the update when I checked this morning. And you have been so kind with your descriptions that I think even Judith and Phillip, should they come across this thread, would agree with your reporting!

Team Phillip! He is probably reading your thread on MN the CF. OMG I will never argue with my OH in a restaurant again!

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Thanks for that! I'm crying with laughter, I could do with a good laugh today. 😂

I’ve really enjoyed this post. You sound exactly like me. I eat out alone often and enjoy people watching. It’s not critical, it’s just observation.
i hope you post again.

She may have been objectively right, but she's definitely the more annoying of the two. As far as I'm concerned she lost any moral high ground when she said that he WOULD NOT walk because of his knees. I can't stand women (it's always women in my experience) who over-protect their adult loved ones like that. His body, his choice. And I bloody hope he does.

I think he didn't get something in Millets once because he thought he didn't need it (walking poles?) and later conceded that they would have been useful after all.

She doesn't want to go to Mark and Fiona's with him because Mark and Fiona might agree with him.

jus t think though, if they had hearing aids, t here would have been no raised voices
and no over hearing of their conversation!

Fair enough - I exist in my own little bubble and have no interest in the conversations of others when I am out and about but I get that I’m clearly in the minority. I’ve never been particularly nosey interested in the lives of strangers though

Great thread, I love people watching. I once had a 4hour delay for a flight, during which time I got to observe a romance blossom then crash and burn. They met in the bar, where he was taking a photo of his pint and she flirtily asked him what he was doing. Over the course of the next 4 hours I kept seeing them, having dinner, more drinks, getting closer and giggly together. Then, when we were all sitting at the gate waiting to board, the kissed! He looked delighted, she burst into tears and confessed she had a boyfriend. They walked onto the plane separately, complete strangers to each other again. I still occasionally wonder how they're both doing.

Perfect thread to read on a Monday morning, thank you! I'm invested in Judith and Phillip now, I hope your paths cross again in the future so you can give us Part 2. Will we ever find out what happened in Millets?! Will Judith get a hearing aid and start talking at a level that's inaudible to Phillip and his stubborn ears? Did he get to go to bridge on Tuesday? Who got to go to Mark and Fiona's?! It's been like reading an excerpt of a fabulous novel - please give us Chapter 2!!

Millets surely has to be linked to the matching anoraks. I bet Phillip didn’t want one. They sound like a ‘Howard and Hilda’ couple. Everything has to be done together and matching.

Jeez, I’d rather dine alone and heartbroken (while listening to Tom Waits) than descend into that sort of coupledom: petty squabbling and clinginess. Why couldn’t she have a pudding without him?

Maybe choose a buzzier eatery next time? Hope life brings you some sticky toffee pudding and custard this year 💐

Great story OP. My DD was in restaurant at the weekend and witnessed 2 breakups. She said it was awful, trying not to listen while the table next to them broke up because of an affair.

This thread has made me giggle this morning, so thank you OP. I wish I’d been online last night to watch it unravel in real time.

may we send you out to eat alone again?

What a lovely, wise answer and what a lovely, fun thread! It didn’t feel intrusive or mean to me precisely because your writing conveyed that there was an undercurrent of affection in this couple that contributed to the comedy for me (reminds me of my folks!)
I hope life has some really nice times for you ahead OP. And that you have some more fun dining experiences you share on here!

I mean if shes this ragey often, I am not surprised he doesnt want a hearing aid. I'd be happy to have her ranting muted haha

This is amazing, free entertainment!

I had a meal out with DH where we were sat in a tiny, cramped restaurant right next to a young, new-ish and pretty drunk couple having a proper blazing ding dong about whether fish can feel or not. It was SO AWKWARD, DH started humming Nirvana's "Something In The Way" and I held my menu over my face so that they couldn't see me giggling. Except of course they could, because I was 2 feet away, and the young lady lost her shit with me for laughing at them, which made it even more awks....none of us had pud and when we left they were still going at it in the street. Ahhhh, young love.

Oh my cod, she sounds like she's got more venom than a Box Jellyfish!

It's amazing what conversations you hear in a small space; some are hilarious, others not!

This last Thursday, the 19th, I was in Sainsbury's here in Whitby, pushing my trolley to the veg section and overheard a couple, I'd say in their 80s, squabbling over spuds!

She wanted to get loads more in ''for jacket potatoes for the next week'' but he said ''Not again! You've cooked jackets for the past week, I'm getting sick of them, can't we have something else for a change?!'' .......I'm with him on that!

She was fuming, saying how ungrateful he is as she does all the cooking, and they had quite a horrible dingdong. They weren't shouting, but loud enough to make my ears swivel around!

Then he barked ''How dare you speak to me that way? I am the father of your 5 children!''

And she snapped back ''3'' !

That was it! I grabbed my veg and left fast, silently killing myself laughing!

I love the fact that Phillip told Judith to stop being childish and she then responded with the most childish gesture of all by sticking out her tongue and blowing a raspberry at him. I too am Team Judith.

I was once sitting near our open French windows on a hot day, so couldn’t help hearing a blazing row at full volume next door, though I could only actually hear him - ‘I’M NOT FUCKING SHAGGING ANYONE ELSE, OK?! I’M FUCKING UP TO HERE! - I’VE GOT NO FUCKING MONEY…’. etc. etc.

Dh was away, so I was furiously tapping away on my laptop to update him via email!

Rare to get any such excitement around here! They sold up and moved away not long afterwards.

Your have to report the thread to MN to nominate for Classics.
I've just done it.

Oh hearing aid... I was hoping for sex toy.

A few years ago we were in Bristol, stood waiting for the green man whilst listening to a lady shouting down the phone, it ended with "you're just so oblivious Jamie!". Its become a family saying now. She was furious with poor Jamie!