Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

You actually state in a post that it's not fair as they get better holidays with dad.

You also clearly state that it is 50:50 care
All costs are split 50:50
Dad offered to pay the extra costs in full but £800 would be more money for you so you went CMS

1. Not going to happen as their is evidence of 50:50 care
2. Not going to happen as it will not be £800 based on one child
3. If they do this it will be less than this once you payment to him is calculated
4. Most likely situation but in addition your co-parenting relationship will be in the dustbin and he will not trust you. He will also not have to pay anything towards shared costs you incur

5 and 6 are dependent on if children opt to live with him fully and how much you have pissed him off and if he wants to teach you a lesson or if just walks away with his head held high.

None of the possible outcomes will be better for the children through as the stress you have caused will impact them negatively

Yes I don’t really see the children in this at all however OP dresses it up, it’s all about her.

The kids get to go on nice holidays so they aren’t missing out. She is…

You came for advice?

Then perhaps you should listen to it.

Yes! The children benefit from his high earnings during his 50% time, and don't during hers. Believe me, I understand how sad it can feel when you are the parent that can't provide the treats, but the kids already benefit from his money and she has no right to benefit from his money directly.

This thread is unbearable. I don’t tend to be a judgy person but this is horrendous. OP you need to have some pride. You earn a great wage, be proud of that, and show your boys what it looks like to provide for yourself and them, without looking for unfair handouts. They aren’t being affected negatively, they get to enjoy lovely holidays with their dad, and I’m sure you take them lovely places too. Why are you risking everything for something you aren’t (or shouldn’t be) entitled to?

You are not entitled to your ex husbands money. Sounds like you got a great, and I’m sure fair, divorce settlement. It’s just that, a settlement, not an ongoing commitment to keep sharing his wage with you. His responsibility is to the children which, by your own admission, he is fulfilling …. now you need to do the same.

just been on the cms calculator

£60k salary 1 child half the week you will need to pay him £245 a month.

£150k 1 child half the week he will need to pay you £582

if you decide to keep the child benefit for the oldest child you will get £104 every four weeks on top of this

I have assumed given how grabby you sound you will want the eldests child benefit in your name rather than the youngest so you can have more money now.

so you will get £337 a month plus £104 every 4 weeks child benefit. There will be no further contributions to any shared costs either so you will fully need to fund everything yourself from the maintenance you will receive.

only you know if this is a better deal for you or not.

Scenarios 1 and 2 are NEVER going to happen. 2 can never happen if they give him child benefit for 1 child. Be realistic.

scenario 3. You may receive about £500,pm from him plus 1 x child benefit. But you will have to pay him around £250pm.
scenario 4 you lose £60 pm.child benefit and the £800 you're trying to claim now.

5 and 6 correct.

You are also forgetting that the tribunal could close your case so that wipes out situation 3.
You're most likely scenario is no.4. BUT he will then most likely not offer to pay half for shared expenses. So you will have lost this and 1 x child benefit. Most pps have said you are the poorer parent and by the time this tribunal is over you will be even more. Especially if you are planning on having legal assistance.
i hope you are not accepting that £800 per month as you will have to pay it back.
I think you wanted everyone to agree with you and because the majority have not you are outraged at this. But honestly you need to listen to the advice on here and do what's best for your children.
Its ok that you feel like you can't do the luxury holidays etc and be tap, tap tap with money all the time. You make your memories with the kids at your level, this is what The kids will remember.
But having parents who have fallen out durung their childood they will remember even more.

I have a thread spanning a year explaining to you what has happened to me in this exact scenario, if you don’t want to read it and accept it that’s up to you, but having been through this process you will lose. And yes I think that’s shit and unfair but that’s the facts, you are going to lose. Don’t lose your kids too, mine are now alienated.

The answer is 5. There are no other possibilities.

I think you sound very grabby OP - Why do you deserve any of his income when you arent married anymore and he is caring for your joint kids 50/50. He even offered to at all kids expenses but you declined as you want more for yourself! I hope he gets a good lawyer!

OP is obviously not going to answer the question I've asked 3 times.

Which tells me that she wouldn't give him a penny if she was the higher earner.

So not only grabby but also a total hypocrite.

Well we are going to a tribunal so I guess we will have to see what happens there, and I will keep this thread updated. Does anyone know how the tribunal meeting works? Should we both expect to have legal representation? What sort of thins do they ask? Has anyone been through one and can clarify the types of things that they ask?

Tribunal’s are funny things because you will be told that you don’t need legal representation but when you turn up there they will have books the size of a moving box that they will be able to refer to with regards to rules and regulations that you won’t have access to which seems deeply unfair
And it will be difficult for you to challenge
Could you two honestly not just sit down and have a coffee?

You will receive all paperwork from CMS.
You do not NEED legal representation. Up to you if you can afford to pay for it.
You may be asked to provide information as to who does what / for / with the kids etc. Things like appointments/ activities. Anything they want from you will be required before your hearing.

All legislation CMS adhere to is online it tells you in their letters.

As @ProlongedAffair has told you about 8 times, she has. I suppose you're hoping they'll change the law by then. Or maybe bend it just for you.

@fixatedplanet
For someone who wants more money you seem happy to throw away the money you do have on a pointless exercise
And damage your relationship with your ex for no reason too

Why should he give you £800 a month if he’s already supporting the children 50% of the time? Unless it’s for specific child related expenses (eg school fees) YABU. It’s child support, not a divorce settlement.

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Ok so by way of an update and I am sure many of you will be delighted to hear this it looks like he has been awarded the child benefit for my oldest son, it is on the child benefit portal but I have not received a letter yet confirming this. So based on what many of you have said CMS are now likely to have me paying maintenance to him for the oldest boy and him to me for the youngest boy and because our salaries are so different I will receive more benefit to bring our households more in line. Also, when my oldest leaves education and I am not paying anymore then I assume he will carry on paying for the youngest.

So how the CMS will either close the case as it's clearly 50:50 care

Or it will be you paying maintenance for eldest and he paying maintenance for youngest based on shared care. How much will you be left with after losing one child maintenance and paying him for on child?

It's also worth baring in mind that he won't have to contribute to anything such as trips and uniform for youngest as this will be expected to come out of the maintenance you receive

Do you think you will still be better off? Will it be worth the damage you have caused to your co parenting relationship?

If they accept 50:50 they may well close the case with no maintenance due.

If they do award you maintenance against each other it won’t be based on his actual salary - it’ll be based on the 156k maximum with a percentage removed to reflect the fact the eldest is classed as being part of his household.

Also when your eldest ages out he may very well pursue CB for your youngest and the process will begin again

I think CMS are unlikely to be able to give you the outcome you wish for, though I understand your logic

There's a good chance you're still putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5.

They may simply say it's 50/50 care, which it is and no cm payments due either way and each get one lot of child benefit

Honestly I’d wait to see the final outcome and remember once your down to just the youngest he can argue the 50/50 Split still.