Ex disputing CMS and making rival Child Benefit claim in 50/50 care

[fixatedplanet]

Hi all,

I’m really struggling with this and could do with some advice.

We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

The issue is income. I earn around £60k and he earns well over the £156k threshold. Because of that, even though it’s 50/50, I applied to CMS for child maintenance so he pays his fair share (it comes out at the maximum rate, around £800 a month which is a 50% discount as he has them 7 nights out of 14). I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He immediately challenged it with a Mandatory Reconsideration, which was rejected because I receive the Child Benefit (he gave it up due to the high income charge and then during divorce said I could have it which only seemed fair). Now he’s put in a rival Child Benefit claim for one of the children AND lodged a tribunal appeal with the CMS. He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.I have started to gather evidence to try and show that I do more so it gives me a good chance at the tribunal and I guess he is doing the same now. I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

I’m worried he might actually get the Child Benefit (even though he can’t claim it himself because of the high income charge) and that the tribunal might side with him. Does he have any chance of winning that? It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

Has anyone been through this? Can he really do the rival Child Benefit thing and what are his chances? I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! And what are the chances at tribunal? Surely they will see my side of things? He has started to pay me the £800 a month now so I have had a few months payment so far so that is good at least but I am worried I might lose it or be told to give it back.

Thanks in advance.

Amazing news. I hope child maintenance can close the case. I wonder if your ex could contest child benefit for your youngest once your eldest turns 18? Do keep us updated.

If he’s 50/50 then no CMS usually applies.

I, for one, am not delighted, but it was predictable and we tried to warn you. I'm sorry that you are now likely to be worse off overall. (ETA Although maybe I've read it wrong as you seem to still be expecting that you'll be better off overall.)

How is the relationship between the two of you now? Is it worse and you regret taking it this far, or 🤞is all the same as he just saw it as an admin exercise?

Is there still any room for compromise? Have the children been affected at all?

I also want to thank you, and @ProlongedAffair for being so open and coming back many times despite the poor outcome(s). I'm sure lots of people are learning from your experiences.

Another one who was on the thread before, not delighted as it's not a nice situation to be in - just please take the decision as a reason to be cautious, and to see if there's any scope for compromise to avoid things getting worse. If you can keep on good terms with the ex it'll be worth it.

This

she fought /argued and lost

but has come back to iodate which in time will hopefully help someone else in same position

sure no one is delighted

He does contribute proportionally. The kids will likely benefit from their father earning more in the time they are with him. Mum's hardly on the breadline, either.

First of all, you don’t know what the other situation is and secondly
Often the children don’t benefit from father’s income when it’s left to his discretionary spending
They have to be forced to pay that’s why the child maintenance service exists
It should actually be embarrassing to admit that you have to use it as a non-resident parent. That should be a shameful thing to admit to.

Ermmm.....well, we don’t know that. Depends who's paying for what, when, how often. Things like haircuts, shoes, new school shirt, mufti day at school, present for a birthday party. It also depends on who the school phones when there's an issue (and thus who comes out of work), who does medical appointments, how childcare is arranged eyc etc etc

I did a so called 50/50 with my ex. Financially, all he contributed was an evening meal and a few second hand car boot clothes. I did all uniform, shoes, haircuts, activities, music lessons, parties, ferrying to and from activities, medical appointments, sick days etc. I also paid for full time childcare for 5 days a week because I needed it and his consideration was that if he wasn't available then I should be. This meant a text 5 minutes before the end ofvthe day saying he was 50 miles away, for example. Ex used that childcare every single day but never paid a penny.

And as I said, there is no greed involved in expecting a co parent to make a financial contribution towards the upbringing ofvtheir children.

We do know that. The OP literally said they go 50/50 on shared things as well as paying for the kids when they have them.

But if he’s earning 200 grand and he is expecting her to contribute 50% if she’s earning 20 grand then that’s not proportionate is it?
We don’t need a calculator for that one

She earns 60k. Why would you say that she earns 20k?

But we know that’s not the case as it’s literally in the OP so the whataboutery is absolutely pointless.

He also offered to cover ALL shared costs. She turned that down.

Because then they get to control
They get to dictate that a pair of trainers isn’t necessary
That a cheaper brand of coat is available, even though that’s exactly what you would’ve spent on a coat when you were married
It’s never about money

well clearly it is about money… for the OP. She has said he does 50/50 care of costs and care but he earns more and she wants a peice of that. This was never about the children. She is on a very decent wage herself and if costs are split I do not think the children are suffering.

you, again, are making assumptions. First you said she earns 20k. She doesn’t. Now you are assuming he will dictate the type of trainers when all she said was he offered to cover all shares costs but wanted more money:

at no point in any of her posts has she said how her ex giving her money is going to make her children’s lives better.

And what ops doing about what love for her children or controlling money.

He already does 50% time. He was paying 50% shared stuff. Offered 100% shared stuff.

But no no only cold hard cash in ops hand no compromise.

I thought Regulation 50 of The Child Support Maintenance Calculation Regulations 2012 dealt with shared care?
Which usually means none is payable.
I'm assuming that the 2 children and CB has complicated this situation?

It does. When there’s no shared care court order and the CB is in payment then CMS have their hands tied because of how their system is set up.

It is what will see the OP fail at tribunal for CMS though as they can view evidence of shared care to determine it. Rather than only using CB

She literally said it’s about the money! He has money for fancy holidays and she doesn’t so she looks as a the poorer parent and she doesn’t like it!

"We’ve had a proper 50/50 week-on/week-off arrangement for the last 4.5 years. The boys (14 and 11) split their time equally between us week on/week off and we’ve always split the costs of shared things 50/50. He does his bit when they’re with him and I do mine. It has been working fine but....

I thought that was reasonable as his salary is much higher and he should pay more than half.

He’s basically trying to get out of paying anything through CMS and I could lose some of the child benefit now!!!

We are completely 50/50. He does everything on his time and I do everything on mine. But because he earns more, he should contribute more and CMS should sort this I would have thought, I should not have to go to a tribunal.

I am going to get a barrister to help out at the tribunal to try and prove I do more but he does stuff too so not sure if that will help me.

It just doesn’t feel fair because he earns much more than me even though we share all the care equally. He did offer to cover all of the shared costs but I have said no and decided to go down the CMS route as that will be more money than simply covering the shared costs.

I guess he has lots of evidence to show that we share care equally and have done for several years but he cannot even claim it so I would miss out! "

Yeah it's definitely the dad who's only concerned with money and control 😂😂😂

Hoping for a lovely satisfactory no cm to be paid and OP having to pay back the money she's gotten already as well as losing one lot of child support and spunking money on a BL.

OP admitted he paid a lot of extras and they are 50/50 care

It doesn’t matter because it’s his choice to pay for the extras and at any time he could withdraw his decision as opposed to being ordered to pay. That’s the difference as I see it.

Well, that says a lot about you as a person

As could she.