Should inheritance always be split equally amount children?

[Purpleturtle45]

Should you always split inheritance equally between children or should you adjust it according to their individual circumstances like their income and whether they will get inheritance from their in-laws etc?

YANBU-equally is the only fair way
YANBU-take circumstances into account and adjust accordingly

I do not believe inheritance should always be equal amongst siblings. My own case of 3 adult children:

1. Married with children, always worked hard and has own home. Good relationship
2. Disabled and will always need care and support. Unable to work. Good relationship.
3. Committed some of the most horrific and unforgivable crimes. Very little relationship.

I have posted earlier but would you still leave the same to a child who was involved in a life of horrific crime? Because I do not believe they should get a equal amount as their siblings (one of whom is disabled).

Not equal. Our kids have actually planned percentages themselves (led by one who is very canny in such things and it intersects somewhat with their profession). They have done it according to anticipated projected need. Yes, one never knows what the future holds but that’s what contingency planning, insurances etc are there for! The one who takes the lead with this has allocated themselves zero. Is all most sensible and we were happy to sign off on it.

Our family definitely does not hold the belief that equal money reflects equal love.

I think equally but I have heard of two exceptions I would understand
if you are very estranged from a child
or if there was extreme disability in the mix ie something no one could help that will really impacted someone’s ability to be able support themselves

Oh god, this is something I loose sleep over.

My father has asked me to be executor of his will, and I know it is not evenly distributed because of the completely different trajectory of his kids lives. Of the 4 of us, one is a drug addict, has tapped Dad up endlessly (tens of thousands) for his whole life and is not mentioned in the will (because he will blow it entirely on drugs and probably kill himself in the process).

Another sibling has had a large cash injection to buy a property, so this is offset against their share, with a remaining third share of residual.

Another lives with Dad, looks after and provides company, and will inherit the house, plus a third share of residual.

Then there is me, who has never required any financial help, other than being a guarantor for rent as a student. I will get a cash lump sum, plus a third share.

I understand Dad's reasoning, but it's a heavy burden knowing that as executor I'm the one who will have to deal with the fallout. I have asked him to try and make things more equitable, but he believes that on a lifetime basis we will all have had about the same. There is actually a lot more going on between the other siblings (and Dad) that I try and keep out of. I have no idea how this is going to play out.

Whatever you do, it will never be right. Death always brings out the worst in people.

My DF died last month, and left nothing... not even to my mum. He had nothing apart from £60 in his wallet.

I am one of three. I am on disability benefits and don't work, DB is on a very low income but too proud to claim UC, and DSis married into money and is fine. And when it has come to my DM doing things for us, DSis is the most vocal about it all being fair.
DM has savings, but DF dying has left her skint pretty much. She has never lived alone.
I hope when she goes, that she has nothing for us as I know it will cause rifts

Like it or not, children, regardless of age, regard the gifting or inheriting of money or property as an expression of love. If you insist on distributing according to perceived need (or deserving) it will send a loud message to the AC getting less that you loved them less.

There’s also the more likely scenario where the disabled child lives destitute without adequate care as they have no earning capacity but their sibling is off living a comfortable life.

I think equally, other than in the case of disability. If you’re worried about the above scenario then you could fund or make provision for the well child to have a critical illness/personal injury/income protection insurance policy in place to cover the scenario where they also become disabled.

A dear friend found that out the hard way, and it still hurt her to this day. It was just her and her sister. My friend was a carer for DM for years. She could not work due to her caring duties for her mum. Her sister was not on the scene at all.

Friend's mum died after a short illness (was CJD), and in her will everything was left to the sister that was never there and never gave a shit. Her house, money, belongings... even her clapped out car. My friend's sister refused to share any part of it with my friend... the one who had cared for her mum for years.

She didn't have the energy to contest it.

I have lost an argument for an unequal split - my argument was actually to the detriment of our side.

My inlaws are fabulous but quite traditional and are splitting equally. My SIL also supported them and and appears happy with their choice.

SIL married young, they have 3 children (39-31) and there are now 5 great grandchildren (13-2).

We followed behind quite some years later and have 1 young adult child (21)

To me, my lovely SIL’s family is much bigger and ILs have had the pleasure of getting to know many lovely children and grandchildren. They deserve more of a share.

Our bit of the family is small and they are less likely to see our child have grandchildren at 88. It feels like our son might disproportionately inherit a lot compared to the rest of the children.

Their will is their will though. and I’m lucky to be in a family of nice people. It still doesn’t sit comfortably with me though.

Equally. Don’t leave children reassessing how much you cared about them. It will end with ‘they never cared’. It’s hurtful to the core.

Of course it should be equal

If it’s split equally there shouldn’t be rifts!

This is definitely the correct way to do things.

But these are both wildly unlikely occurrences. We don’t make other decisions in life like that, it’s normal to weigh up probabilities. If I have one child who I know for sure will need life long residential care and another kid who has a successful career (with life / critical injury insurance) and spouse to help support them and just generally is likely to continue doing well in life — well then I think it’s sensible to split any inheritance according to the very likely different needs and trajectories of their lives.

@Purpleturtle45the parents brought their children into the world and therefore should treat them equally throughout their lives and especially when exiting the world.

The way I see it, if parents only wanted to leave to two children for instance then they should have made sure they only had two children in the first place. The only time this should be adjusted is if one child is severely disabled and is unable to fend for themselves. Otherwise everything should be split equally.

Ha, my Dsis will be going back to our childhood about what she has done for DM, and saying she deserves more. That is what she sees as "fair".

Depends. Say my parents bought me a starter home but didn't do the same for my sibling - I would be happy for sibling to receive significantly more than me. I think in some circumstances (disability, single parenthood etc) it may be reasonable to skew things in favour of the less fortunate sibling but I can't imagine this ever plays out well where it isn't agreed in advance with the more fortunate sibling.

Equally. Their other circumstances can change. Why would you show obvious favouritism?

My parents announced that they intended to leave my sister 2/3 of the estate because she had "given" them grandchildren whereas I had chosen to be child free.

When my father died and my mother became clingy I stepped back and allowed my sister to become the carer. If you treat your children unequally they are not going to arise and call you blessed. To this day there is still a coldness between my sister and myself.

Equally unless one of the children has profound special needs and is unable to care for themself.

Equally. It's unfair to treat one better than the other or others and you never know what might happen later. Better to be equal so no issues between the children after you have gone

Equally unless you're estranged or something.

Equally. One of my DDs is richer than the other, but circumstances can change very fast.

DH and I have always tried to treat them equally, all their lives.

Equally