Should inheritance always be split equally amount children?

[Purpleturtle45]

Should you always split inheritance equally between children or should you adjust it according to their individual circumstances like their income and whether they will get inheritance from their in-laws etc?

YANBU-equally is the only fair way
YANBU-take circumstances into account and adjust accordingly

I think equally. You spend time building a family. When you die you don't want people being hurt, angry or resentful. You want them to continue being a family. I've seen this play out in real life and when things have been unequal the adult children have always fallen out and those relationships hagen recovered.

Equal is the only way.

I strongly disagree with everyone saying disabled children should get more. The reality is that the non-disabled child has a lifetime of coming in second and always being pushed to the side. It's nobody's fault but that is the reality. To then receive less inheritance is like a final kick in the teeth.

If one child has helped you and the other has not, there is no way I would split equally. I would reward the one who gave their timeto
support me.

I will split my will between my children, but if I need care and one steps up to do this and the others do not, I will change my will to reflect that.

Equally

If it is different from the normal next generation and split equally then there should be an explanation of the thinking.

If that isnt done there will be resentment.

My DM has chosen to skip a generation and leave her estate to her GCs. Except that under the influence of one of my siblings she has done this in a particularly stupid way (a trust) which is going to take a lot of work for us, her DCs (the trustees), to undo so that the GCs actually benefit.

I resent this. I am angry both at DM and at sibling who encouraged it. I know my other sibling is bitter about it.

But every week I swallow down my anger and visit DM in her care home as she ekes out the remainder of her life with advanced dementia.

Bitter sibling doesnt visit DM much and I dont blame them.

Equally……..what my DC’s in-laws do is no concern of mine.

Equally

why should a sibling be rewarded for poor life choices

Unless there was a particularly child who had made sacrifices over and above their siblings like caring for the parent in old age

Part of what causes so many problems here is the language people use - talking about being "rewarded" or "punished" by a legacy.

The parents making wills don't see it as a reward or punishment, most likely. It's not a consequence.

For most people, they're trying to use their assets to best help their relatives in future, not pass judgement on what they've done in the past.

That’s your choice though. My mum did this for her parents, everything was about th, it destroyed my childhood. It destroyed our relationship- she clearly expected me to do the same, but I couldn’t because of the mental health situation she left me in and I wouldn’t go to my son what she did to me. She was as nice as pie to everyone apart from me But no one saw I was her emotional punch bag. I was the baddie. I loved hundreds of miles away. I think she babysat once then a couple of hours in rang to say son unwell we rushed back - he was absolutely fine. When my son was in born we were both very ill, she disappeared because she “couldn’t cope”.

my brother was the golden child, she looked after the dog and child, did loads of stuff, gardening etc. so when she needed looking after I left them to it, he’d had years of benefit.

Funnily enough the mask slipped towards the end of the life and everyone caught a glimpse of how she had been my entire life and were utterly shocked.

Equal is the only way to go.

Normally I'd say split equally. My brother has treated our parents appallingly and they have been NC for years, yet he will still receive an equal share of our parents estate. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but it's not my money.

and whether they will get inheritance from their in-laws etc?
There's no guarantees of what in-laws might do or whether there will actually be any inheritance left.

As for income differences, why punish one child for doing better financially than the other? (And the one with the better-paying job may fall on hard times or want to leave it).

Divide equally. No favourites.

Take circumstances in to account.

I have just received an inheritance, it means my Universal Credit has stopped. That's fine, I understand UC rules on 'savings' but I don't suddenly have more income, I now have to pay for things like the dentist, the council tax bill will be horrendous.

I know I sound ungrateful but the fact is I'm going to spend that money to replace my UC and then reclaim when it is below £16000.

Ironically I would be much better off with a much smaller amount.

My brother can just shove his inheritance in the bank.

Absolutely your UC should stop! You now have money, use that to pay your council tax!

I agree.

Not necessarily. My DM has left her estate in a trust to be managed by her DCs to benefit DGCs because she wants to retain control from beyond the grave.

It was a delusion of grandeur. No doubt she imagined we would all gather together once a year to toast her generosity with a small, dry, sherry and congratulate eldest DB on how well he had managed the fund. A small amount of money would be doled out to the DGCs with many exhortations to not fritter it on sweets.

Except that after care home costs there will be sweet FA left.

Equally…. It’s fair. If they want to divvy things up different afterwards that’s their call. That happened in my father in laws family, one aunt had looked after a paren for years, given up her job etc and was left with the prospect of nothing really except a 1/5th share of a house. Her brother, my FIL, told his siblings to cop on and let her live in the house till she died.

I was continually picking up the pieces of arguments between my mother and sister. Lost count of the times my mother would come round to mine crying because my sister had been horrible to her. I saw her will- everything to be split 50/50.

Then I " brought shame on her" by getting divorced. She changed her will . Sister still got half, I only got 1/8.

My sister and I weren't particularly close. Now we barely have anything to do with each other.

I think that's likely to be quite destructive to the sibling relationship after your death. Is that the legacy you want to leave them, adding fuel to any resentments they have of each other?

If one steps up more in your old age, you should reward them at the time by treating them or whatever.

Arguably it might be better to skip a generation and leave it to the DGC.

Especially sibling 2.
A big inheritance could mean benefits cuts. But not be enough for them to buy a house out right.
They probably couldn't get a mortgage to use it as a deposit.
If they blow it on big holidays UC will argue deprivation of assets.

Been a few threads on here over the years where people have inherited a decent chunk of cash but not really able to benefit from it because of the UC rules.

Equally.

In our case we have two sons. DH suffers from Lewy Body dementia. One son has always been there for us. The other took out a power of attorney and used it to take money from his father’s accounts. When we discovered and removed the POA he made a false social services complaint which was enormously stressful. There have been quite a lot of other incidents of a similar nature. Despite all of this we still love him. However, I am redrafting my will to set up a trust for DH if I die first. Carers such as me have quite a high mortality rate due to stress. The sole controller of the trust will be the one son I can trust. If I leave a split there is every chance that he will spend the money and leave DH with nothing on the grounds the council can look after him and he does not feel understand anything anymore and that he needs to live his best life. All arguments I have heard before. I feel sad about what I am doing, but I do not think I have any choice.

Including assets & money in the bank assuming nothing changes both siblings stand to inherit £400k upwards....
Dealt with properly UC shouldn't be required.
Unfortunately Sibling 2 will fritter it away assuming it is an endless stream of money...

In practice it's impossible to split a will unevenly without risk of legal challenge from the relative who disagrees. How are all your parents doing this with no issues?

My sibling is estranged from my mother and we feel she is owed absolutely nothing but the idea of being dragged through the courts is more than we can bear (and yes my sister is the type to do that and has the funds for it). So mom will pay her off to make my life easier when she's gone. It boils my blood as I would rather mom give it all to charity than enrich a spoilt brat who hates her!

If you brought your children up to be caring and have good morals, then they will understand and support why one sibling should receive more inheritance than the rest.

It happened in our family of 5 kids as one brother needed more support than the rest of us. Oldest brother also gave his entire inheritance to brother who needed the financial help more.

We all still help out this brother and mum has been dead for over 20yrs.

Unless very clear significant disability (not, 'Oh but X has always struggled a bit and the rest of you have "done so well" '), then yes. Burning generational upset in my family when this has happened to a parent via their own parents, spent their lifetime complaining about it, then they themselves did it for the same reasons.