Should inheritance always be split equally amount children?

[Purpleturtle45]

Should you always split inheritance equally between children or should you adjust it according to their individual circumstances like their income and whether they will get inheritance from their in-laws etc?

YANBU-equally is the only fair way
YANBU-take circumstances into account and adjust accordingly

What would have been better for you? I have a similar scenario with a DC.

PiL live in a tiny Highland village. Sibling chose to remain there while one married a man from overseas and moved there while OH can't work in his field living near them.

I don't think they should get less because she chose to marry overseas and he trained for a better job.

I’ve not got kids, but we’ve just done our wills and left it in equal amounts to our niblings. Some of them have parents that are financially well off, others not so well off (eg one of my brothers is in finance and earns ££££ but another brother is a teacher on a far more modest salary.) my husband’s niece has a serious genetic condition causing multiple health issues. The only way we could do it was equally.

im not going to go into detail but my parents wills were divided equally but then two of my siblings wanted more because of their circumstances at the time and this did cause issues at the time.

Acknowledging via your will that one of your adult children, regardless of circumstances, took a greater emotional and practical toll is just a decent thing for a parent to do. An appropriate acknowledgement (because caring is a tough gig!).

For a sibling to entirely dismiss that level of sacrifice as nothing, saying 'why should I get less just because I left you to it' feels like an incredibly heartless and uncaring approach.

It's hardly a sacrifice to go a bit of shopping for someone or take them for an appointment.

I wouldn't describe OH as heartless and uncaring because he wanted to better himself. We can't all stay in the same place as our parents our entire lives.

The level of care needed is likely to grow more acute, potentially significantly so.

And I didnt say your husband was uncaring for wanting to better himself; I said ignoring the toll on the sibling shouldering all the responsibility was.

At least under Scottish law they can't be excluded as any children as entitled to 1/4 of any money. I had to do this when my mother left my sister 4 times as much as me.

Depending on circumstances. One of my grandmothers left everything to my uncle. He had done everything for her for years so nobody objected.

It should be equally, or it will cause ructions and rows.
You can't rely on inheritance from anywhere else. £1200 care home fees per week for four years to get appropriate care for my uncle left very little for my aunty and what should have been a well-resourced retirement became a financial struggle with nothing left at the end except the house.

Equality is the only way to go.

Equal - my sibling is very wealthy after marrying in to money, but I would think it very odd if my parents had left me more than her.

My in-laws cut BIL out of their will, as they fell out several years ago. FIL has since died, and I believe MIL has changed her will slightly to leave a small amount to BIL, as they have reconciled to some extent, but I don't know if that's worse really - it kind of says 'you are only worth this much to me'. Either way, BIL doesn't know about it, as far as I know - so the shit will really hit the fan once MIL passes away. It's really sad, BIL is bound to be hurt.

From my own experience, equally unless you want to destroy the family forever.

I think it has to be equal, but taking into account any unequal large sums that have been given to each during the parent’s life. Things like wealthy spouses or high earning jobs wouldn’t make me split unevenly as they can change at any time.

The only exception I can really think of is if one child won a major lottery jackpot (multiple millions). An amount where they’re undeniably set for life but haven’t earned the money themselves. I couldn’t in good conscience split my relatively small estate in half when it would be life changing for one and meaningless to another.

We are leaving more to one daughter. She lives with her boyfriend but they are in a tiny flat, which already costs a fortune because it's expensive round here (sw London). Her sister has several disabilities and doesn't work and gets PIP and qualifies for adult social care. She currently lives with us but when we go, she will move into supported living and so she can't inherit loads of money. In fact, what would she do with loads of money? She will never live independently.

Absolutely this. Speaking from experience.

Equally. The only situation in which I’d do anything differently is if one child had a much greater need due to circumstances outside their control eg disability, and even then I’d discuss it with everyone upfront.

That's unfortunate.

I think most of us here are probably 50 and under. If we were to ask an older cohort, those who've required support in their twilight years from their adult children, the answers would possibly be different.

What is often forgotten though is the support the parent gave to the. Child who stayed local. For years we struggled without any parental support whilst my brother had in tap babysitters, gardeners, taxi’s house sitters, dog sitters etc in our parents -I got sod all as I dared move away for work. So it was equitable the lions share of care fell to my brother really.

That's a very good point @Wellthisisdifficult. I paid a fortune for childminders but my SiL had free childcare any time.
We also have a feeling the PiL have subsidised holidays and cars.

What sort of help would you have wanted or been able to accept given you’d moved away from them?

My dm was quite open about her will to me and said she was leaving two thirds to my ds and a third to me because I had a good job and ds had a rotten husband! It worked as ds paid off rotten husband and ds and I didn’t quarrel. Just what dm would have wanted to happen

No it’s all mine in my mums will in the understanding I will split it equally. My bothers would make my life hell arranging the split without it

the main reason is any pets come to me. My brothers would make life difficult around this. This is the reason for everything coming to me

That seems an odd way of doing things - why can’t your mum just will any pets to you and split everything else equally?

This then lead my Dad onto talking about his will and how he would consider giving us less as we had already inherited, whereas one of my siblings will not inherit from in-laws. I thought it was bonkers as no amounts of money have been discussed. We earn the least out my siblings (although both work very hard) and have the most children, still well within our means though. I just wondered if others thought that was fair.

No, it's not fair.

Do you have the sort of relationship with your father that you can tell him how hurtful this is?

In families, whether we like it or not, money can often signify other things. Ask him if he thinks less of you than your siblings? Does he love you less? Then ask him why his "last will and testament" - that is, the last thing he can influence in his life - would seem to contradict his equal regard for all his children. One of my siblings married into an extremely wealthy family: our parent's will made no distinction, nor should it have.

True, but sadly very common