Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I know. Fine.

But landlords like others in business need to be prepared for downturns and periods of lesser profits or even loss. My impression is that many got used to easy earnings when rates were low and are not prepared to accept this principle.

@Bellaunion no, I saw that.

@Waitfortheguinness that’s one way of reading this thread. I read it as feelings about how OP would like parents to be, based on how she’d like to be for her kids. Asset-rich parents have the chance to help their children at a time when they’re struggling most with space and money with small kids. Personally, as a parent, I probably would. I get everyone’s different. But OP is allowed her feelings IMO.

There aren't enough starter homes available because young families can't afford to make the jump from starter home to 'family' home. The price of family sized homes, in our area at least, are through the roof because they're like hens teeth - mostly because of retirees languishing in their big four and five bedroomed homes with huge gardens that they can't manage the upkeep on.

YANBU OP. I'm already planning to downsize to a little bungalow and use the funds to help our DC get on the property ladder - and they're both still in primary school.

Yes where we are £150 grand between a two bedroom terrace and a three bedroom semi detached in a very average area where the average wage is 40 grand a year tops
Probably an awful lot less

Perhaps when people get to the age of 60, they should move into a communal shed and so young families can have all their money and property 🙄🙄

Ultimately the young families still aren’t going to be able to afford it. Why should people give up their own comfort for the sake of theoretical young families?

And that’s admirable but come back in 20 years when you have actually done it

Brava!

Actually the martyrdom on this thread is quite entertaining 🤣

They only get one life, and as they get older they have a limited amount of time to realise their dreams. They clearly love the idea of living in a bigger house, if they don't do it now they never will. A house, where you live every day, is a huge thing, they deserve to live in a house that will make them the most happy.

girl, just ask them? You clearly just want there money. If they say no they say no. Are they even aware you need support, alongside are you aware they probably went through this themselves too?

My friend spent about 15 years with the same plan. She worked out if she downsized by 200k, each DC would get 60k each. Now she’s a good age to downsize and her DC are late 20’s/early 30’s she’s gone very quiet about her plan and hadn’t mentioned moving for a few years

It is. It’s like all the declarations that they’ll never ask their adult children for any help with anything and they’ll have a direct cremation because they couldn’t possibly put the poor dears through the stress of having to attend their funeral.

My DM wants to upsize. It’s realistically not on the cards due to finances, but to me it’s madness because:

1. She lives on her own in a 2 bed, so technically she already has more room than she needs, even if her boyfriend moves in with her.
2. She literally has no family apart from me, I live locally, as do all her friends, so no one will be coming to visit from far away. What’s the point in having 2+ bedrooms that never get used?
3. Moving to a bigger house could potentially be setting her up for another move when she’s older and no longer able to manage the upkeep of such a property.
4. She’s taking up valuable resources that she doesn’t need, as some sort of status symbol.

Plus on a selfish level I don’t want to get involved with any hassle regarding it in the future.

The second source that I listed does consider all factors that impact cost of living on the whole. If you have some other reputable source that includes something the economists at Resolution Foundation have somehow missed by all mean please share. I doubt you’ll find anything as they took into account all factors that would influence “living standards” on the whole, so factors such as interest rates would be considered.

Now that I'm in my early 50s I'm surprised to find a sense of needing to have some assets creeping in - because I don't want to put pressure on children when I'm old. Even if I don't expect it, it does cause stress when a parent is struggling due to their own lack of sensible money holding. This is also something I am discovering with my own parents who are poorly prepared for their own old age.

But I come from a generation where my grandparents rented their entire lives, my parents were the first to buy a home well into their 30s, without any help.

So what if retirees are "languishing" in four or five bedroom detached houses? What makes people think they have a right to demand that someone when they reach a certain age move from the house that they PAID for and presumably worked all their life to do so?

My parents are in their 70s and in a four bedroom detached house. I can't say it's ever crossed my mind to demand that they move from a house they've lived in for 40 years, brought up their family in and have invested time and money into, just because I somehow think I'm more entitled to the money in it or that that's my god given right to demand how they live their life. But I wouldn't because I'm not entitled arsehole.

The ageism and entitlement of some people on this thread is unreal. It's as if all people over 60 should just live in a cardboard box for the convenience of their own children.

YANBU OP. I'm already planning to downsize to a little bungalow and use the funds to help our DC get on the property ladder - and they're both still in primary school

For a start that “little bungalow” will probably cost more than the house you live in at the time so better save your cash for yourself if that’s your intention. I’ve noticed so many posters on this thread who claim they would give the shirt off their back to pay off the mortgage of their adult children are mostly parents of little children, so easy to say when your little ones are still cute and adorable and rely totally on mummy and daddy. I bet a lot will feel differently when their “children” are 30 somethings who are no longer cute and adorable and who should have the capacity to make their own way in the world.

This. Plus a lot changes when you get a bit older and start realising how financially demanding old age is actually going to be.

When they were your age with two kids, did anyone bail them out? I doubt it. I imagined they worked hard to manage it all like you’ll have to.
Property is an excellent investment so perhaps they’re thinking this will help their pension pot in the long run.

So I'm guessing that your professional jobs pay better than your parents jobs did? They were lucky to have bought a house in a rising market, but had to pay for it with salaries that were (in real terms) lower than yours. Perhaps you plan to share your salaries from your better jobs with your parents?

Agree 💯 with this

Both of my sets of grandparents have passed away in recent years. DNs parents were the generous type... and DM and her siblings ended up having to pay for a care home for almost 3 years. So pretty much everything they received in their younger years they had to repay in care home fees in their 60s.

On the flip side, DF parents were still generous but less extravagant (would pay for family meals, presents for every child.and grandchild etc) but no big lumpsums given out. They were longer in a care home, which was fully funded by their pensions and savings meaning when they did pass, there was some savings left for funeral costs and a house to be split.

OPs parents are only in their 60s so who knows what health or care issues they might have in the future (hopefully none, but it would be ignorant not to at least plan).

My parents recognise that they’re lucky to have
gotten on the property ladder aged 19 and paid their mortgage off well before 60

whenever they can, they try to help us out. It’s so much harder for younger generations. I’ll be paying my mortgage at least until 70

i worry how my child will manage financially, will help in whatever way i can

i think your parents are delulu

I assume your pare ts are copus me tis,cognitively able. In that case they will have worked out the pros and cons as you have. It seems very patronising of yout to treat them as semi senile!

Well, I assumed she was struggling with mortgage, she said not paying it off for years etc etc. But now I re-read the original post maybe not completely poor, no. Just working hard and with a big mortgage. So more about life choices and looking at her sister who has it easier with well off husband.. Many people are feeling up against it these days with the cost of living and house prices going up, at many income levels. None of which is her parents' fault...