Couple brags

[DallazMajor]

I may be just miserable and bitter but here goes.

it boils my piss when people refer to their OH as their “rock” and that they wouldn’t have got through “XYZ” without them.

A). Yes you would
B). How do you think it makes people who don’t have a partner feel.

Am I BU?

Yes, I would. I know an influencer who regularly posts about how amazing her DD is and how well she’s doing at school and how she aces all her tests. She was in the same class as one of my DCs who said she’d been dropped down a set in most subjects. I also watched her in a performance that my DC was in and she talked and messed about all the way through it. Same influencer boasts about rural living, but she actually lives on a housing estate backing on to an A road.

And one of my neighbours posts about her amazing kids and DH, but she is forever shouting at them in the garden, and I mean proper shouting all the time and her DH appears to be a prize idiot who got them in to lots of debt gambling and left drugs in their house for the DC to find.

I’m not talking about people who post about the odd thing or achievement, but I do think those that shout the loudest usually have the most to hide.

I think it's more about finding it difficult when people go on about it.

I wouldn't go on about the joys of being a mother in front of a friend who had been unable to conceive. Would be beyond inconsiderate.

There's a difference about "going on about things" and just being you in a relationship and as a parent. If I can't talk about my family freely then I'm really not able to engage with people socially.

You are being unreasonable. Having a supportive partner (or anyone, really) makes a world of difference. Yes, you probably would get through things alone. But it would be harder, and it may have a much greater negative impact on you if you have to face it alone. I don't think there's anything wrong, at all, with saying nice things about someone who's supported you.

God knows we have enough threads on here about people who are absolutely useless!

For me it’s a bit like people saying “my kids are my world”. It’s a given, no need to say it! I find it a bit annoying and unimaginative.
(I get that not everyone is lucky enough to have a partner of whom this can be said. But if someone’s married or in a long term partnership then my expectation is that they’re each other’s rocks, if they want to put it like that, or else what’s the point?)

I work with a woman who is single and childless and my god the levels of self pity are off the scale. I was also single and childless for over 20 years so on some level I get it, but I didn’t dwell in misery and envy over others, I went out had fun, got a job I loved, travelled and enjoyed friendships, pets, hobbies. I think expecting others not express happiness about their own circumstances is a sign of poor self esteem and that is a you problem. On the other hand, yes people can be fawning about their OH but normally when there is some other thing they are overcompensating for and again not something to get upset over.

I voted YABU for using the phrase 'boils my piss'. Way worse than someone calling their OH their 'rock'.

Yes, I agree with this.

I would be really put off by someone going on and on and on about any topic incessantly, that would get tedious very quickly.

However, I am not going to not mention my husband or kids because they are a massive part of my life and anyone who implied I couldn't ever talk about them wouldnt be in my life because that would be ridiculous.

For example, I have now lost both my parents but I dont expect people to never mention theirs in my presence because I am aware that not everything is about me.

Unkind and unnecessary post.
Completely misses the point of OP's post

Agree here, I’m also a single parent myself and I’d get irritated by this. I’d never go on about my kids to my best friend who can’t have children. In fact I avoid the chat because I want to be mindful. I go to all school events alone, no partner for almost 10 years now and of course I feel sad at times at being alone. A friend is very much all about her kids and husband and I tend to avoid her these days .

I did vote YANBU but I sort of thing you’re hitting out at the wrong target.

Appreciating your partner is lovely, it’s just that social media has made us all think that we have to do everything publicly and proclaim every aspect of our lives. It is a bit exhausting.

I like to see people happy in a relationship. My marriage is in a difficult place atm and many friends have relationship problems too. It’s heartening to know some better relationships and are happy and especially that there are decent men around as I know many who don’t deserve their other halves.

I suppose it depends in what way they are going on about it!

I have a friend who always brings up how long she and her husband has been together. In person discussions as well as social media updates.. It really irrationally annoys me. So I can understand that some things are just very annoying.

Those who dont have a partner might possibly be very happy to be single.
I get a bit fed up of this not saying anything about being happy, having something nice, just in case you offend someone. It seems very prevalent nowadays, especially on social media, and specifically on Mumsnet 🤨

I've been single for over 10 years and I'm always really happy for couples who say things like this about their partner. I could put a lot more effort into finding someone if I really wanted to. They've put that effort in and have obviously dealt with hard times in that relationship too. Good for them.

Because when life can be really tough, it’s lovely to hear that people are happy and have found their person.
Do you not think so? Does other people being happy not please you?

Yes you are miserable and bitter and I really hope life gets better for you soon.

Meanwhile, please don't try to tell me what I could and could not have got through without the support of my husband.

I really don't understand why you think anyone who wants to praise the support they get from a partner should keep quiet for fear of upsetting you, unless perhaps they are a really close friend. That is completely unreasonable.

I don't have a partner. I must do everything on my own. And I'm glad for my friends when they have a partner they can lean on, someone who is there for them and gives them support. Being alone is hard work. I chose it, and I like it, but it's still hard. But being in relationship was also hard. Anyway, I'm not going to make it worse by feeling resentful about people whose situations are different. If someone has a a partner who helped them through a tough time, then that partner deserves to be acknowledged.

Hi OP, sorry you’ve lost your mum. Tough time. Take it easy 💐

It makes me uncomfortable when people talk about their ‘rock’. Obviously, it’s wonderful to have supportive people in our lives. But IMHO, none of us need a ‘rock’. We should recognise our own strengths. Also, v insensitive to say it to someone who’s on their own, especially following a bereavement.

Yes there is a difference. But I presume what the OP means is the "going on about it" type scenario.

I'd mention my child socially, but wouldn't talk about how wonderful it is to finally be a mother in front of a friend with fertility issues. It's easy enough to engage socially whilst being considerate.

I am lucky to have parents I can rely on for emotional support and advice. The same can be said of my siblings however they live some way from me. My dh is the only person I can rely on for physical and emotional support. I've never described him as my rock but the man is my best friend and my life is significantly better wirh him than without. I am able to behave in an empathetic way though and I wouldn't go on about dh unless asked by a friend who is single. There is a heck of a lot else we could talk about and I would be mindful of her feelings.

I am the type of person that can be happy for others even if I don't have what they do. I think this stems from being content with the space I have created in the world Perhaps it is time for you to make some changes.

If it’s any consolation OP I was with my exh for over 20 years, I’m now in a ‘new’ relationship (3 years now) and I still have to very much deal with things by myself. Always have, don’t know how not to. I count myself lucky for the amazing support network I have in friends and family.

I have a friend who spends half an hour, on about 50% of occasions we meet, waxing lyrical about how happy they are to have found their husband, how they were meant to be, he's her rock etc etc. To be clear they are not newly weds.

My friend knows that I have been single for a long time and also have no family. This same friend didn't want her parents to have photos of their grandchildren in their own house because she couldn't have children...

I don't mind people mentioning things sometimes, it is nice to know people actually still love their partners after many years but read the room and don't be sensitive to only your own hurt.

When my DD was on life support, no one else could have given me the support my DH (her step-dad) did.
He held me tight when I woke up crying nightly, held me tight when the tears would just not stop.
He made sure I ate at least one meal a day.
He cried with me as well but I wouldn't have gotten through the worst weeks of my life without him.

My husband and I adopted a baby 11 years ago and life has been very challenging the last few years. He has early life trauma and was diagnosed AuDHD, Dyspraxic and has An anaphylactic allergy. My parents are close by but as much help as a chocolate teapot so yes actually there is absolutely no way I could do this without my husband. We’re barely hanging on as it is with the two of us managing it all. He has sleep issues so we alternate nights to be with him which means we often only get 1-1.5 hours sleep. There is categorically no way I could do that every night.