Couple brags

[DallazMajor]

I may be just miserable and bitter but here goes.

it boils my piss when people refer to their OH as their “rock” and that they wouldn’t have got through “XYZ” without them.

A). Yes you would
B). How do you think it makes people who don’t have a partner feel.

Am I BU?

I’m childfree by choice. If I felt like you do then any time one of my mum friends posted about how much they love their kids and how wonderful they are then I’d be thinking they need to shut up and their kids are actually a PITA. Luckily I don’t feel like that and I’m just happy for them that they love their kids and are loved in return.

whats a pita?
oh is it pain in the arse? I love my kids but they can be pitas. I wouldn’t blame you for thinking thank god if you saw my house after a day at home 😂😂

I don’t brag about my husband but I know I’m really lucky to have him. He is my rock. But I don’t have a good relationship with any of my family so I certainly feel alone in other ways.

Yes pain in the arse. And I do think thank god, ALL the time 😂😂😂 but as relates to this thread, that doesn’t mean I think YOU shouldn’t love your kids and post about them if you want to!

I’m FB friends with someone I went to school with. Every day was a different post about how amazing her husband was. She had some health issues and there were lots of posts about how he was her rock and how lucky she was to have him get her through it.

Then she had an affair, he left and their 2 kids chose to go with their dad. She is now single and he seems settled in a new relationship. Not so many smug FB posts now.

I find those who feel the need to share how amazing their relationships are, are usually the ones with the least amazing relationships and therefore don’t pay them any attention.

Haha yes I know what you mean. But when I post on sm I know that people have different reactions. You are welcome to look and think NOPE. 😂😂😂

A. When my Mum died, suddenly and in a traumatic way, after I had to do CPR and follow an ambulance to the hospital and then sitting with her for days at a hospice.. my DH was my rock. He picked up ALL responsibilities so that I could be a daughter, grieve an sit with mum on her final journey. He juggled the children, the house, the dog, full time work and his masters and still managed to look after me, and never once complained. I would not have got through that horrific time without him as easily.

B. Other people’s feelings on my situation is respectfully, not for me to worry about. Peoples relationship status and their feelings on mine are for them to deal with.

A) I have always had to do /sort everything out myself and I am proud of the independence and resilience that brings.
B) Alot of people in relationships /marriages aren't happy and would envy you being single.
I promise you that I understand how hard it is to have to deal with life's challenges and responsibilities on your own.
I am genuinely pleased when I hear of happy, supportive relationships but there are many that aren't.
Take care OP. You have many attributes /qualities that should be celebrated.

What I find bizarre/ difficult, is that those who go on about how wonderful and supportive their partner is don't seem to extend that line of thinking to empathise with people going through shit without a partner.

You'd think if they are so thankful for the support of their partner, they would really feel for those who don't have that. Perhaps make an extra effort to be supportive to those friends.

I think it actually comes down to those who are wrapped up in themselves/their little world, and don't seem to think of or be able to consider others or different life situations very much.

Actually my DH absolutely is my rock. I've coped with everything on my own in the past - so I know I can, mentally, but I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2023 and am still having to manage the side effects of treatment so I am not able to do everything physically. My DH does so much for me that I can't do for myself. He is kind, helpful, supportive - he is my rock.

I am well aware that a lot of women aren't as lucky - both those with partners and those without - but I'm not going to downplay how wonderful my DH is just in case somebody else may not be as lucky as I am. I had 2 relationships before I met him - the second with a completely self-centred man-child who I had to do everything for and who thought that anything he ever did for me deserved a medal. He ran up loads of debt and when I finally got rid of him I had to deal with all that as well.

My DH is the love of my life and, yes, he is my rock.

My DP is my rock. He supports me and will also tell me if I am being ridiculous. When my mum died he drove me to my family and just did what was needed. Staying up with me whilst I cried or just silently keeping an eye on me when I needed space.

but I would of gotten through with it on my own. I am resilient and have great friends round me.

the way I look at it. I let him do that as I trust him to do right by me. I support him. Together we are a unit. But also independent. I can be vulnerable around him so when needed he can be my support and me his. It’s partnership.

of course I can go through life without this, but it’s easier with him in it.

I am happily single by choice and when I hear people desperately making out that their relationship is perfect I tend to feel mostly pity. I'd hate to be so reliant on a partner and unable to cope with them.

Really OP ? You do seem miserable & bitter. YABU

A) How would you know if they would or wouldn't have got through XYZ? as they have an OH that is their rock & are grateful to have their support you can't say for sure either way can you.

B) Now you're being ridiculous, some people have partners, families & other things in life that others do not, that's just life.

I rather like it.

Thank you for sharing this. It’s lovely to hear about this and as much as I joke I’m glad he supported you.
my previosu post about men being rocks was just to make the OP laugh because it’s a much healthier response than feeling jealous or unworthy. Just laughing at what rocks actually are - heavy, useless, don’t do anything - and how that’s actually a really good comparison to the lazy husband stereotype.

fair play if you found a good one. I hope you don’t mind my sense of humour and I wouldn’t ever stop you from posting - but might chuckle at the metaphor

Yeah, you sound bitter! Jealous? I never get jealous of other peoples happy, it makes no sense.

And as we well know, while there are supportive partners out there, there are also plenty who are not, some are abusive, some just lazy, some hard to live with. Being in a relationship is hard flipping work too, so if I ever hear of a partner who's stepped up to be a good partner, am pleased for them as it doesn't seem to happen enough imo.

Why cant both be true? its not either/or

I've supported many of my friends through difficult times, sat with them during bereavements, supported them after divorce, helped them get through cancer treatments etc

None of that means I am not allowed to praise my DH for being an amazing partner, because he is.

I am not going to pretend not to be happy just because some other people might be jealous - thats not my emotional responsibility to deal with, its 100% theirs.

I find those who feel the need to share how amazing their relationships are, are usually the ones with the least amazing relationships and therefore don’t pay them any attention.

Would you say the same for someone talking about how amazing their kids are?

I can certainly see finding the phrasing a bit twee it's not your business how people express appreciation. For all you know it's a front and their relationship is miserable. Focus on you.

Rock isn’t a phrase I would use. Safe place/best friend etc, yes. I believe I am capable of standing on my own two feet. I think it’s personal choice and maybe it says more about what that person was looking for when they started that relationship. Each to your own!

These days it's really difficult being married to someone for a long time. It becomes socially awkward. You don't want people to feel bad that you've "managed" it. I've had people full of vitriol that I still have a husband — like I've done it deliberately to upset them. I have friends who are widows and friends who are divorced. It seems sad that I feel uncomfortable about being married so long. Yet these people who I care about are happy for me (possibly envious but happy).

Then you have the people who assume you are ignoring red flags such as a DH being unfaithful or that we don't have what it takes to get divorced.

It is tough work and we do argue but we want to be together and generally I'm very happy. I've known my husband for thirty years and been married to him for 26. But in the current climate it's apparently offensive to others.

I love to hear other people talk about their supportive relationships

Why? What is about this that you "love"?

Why be upset about other people's happy relationships? They aren't in happy relationships to spite you.

I guess they mean that without their dh they'd crumble if they had to deal with XYZ.
After my dh died I just had to cope with things. I had no choice as I had children and it wouldn't have been fair on them to just collapse. Some people would though. My mum wouldn't have coped with being a widow. Thankfully for us she wasn't widowed and has never had to cope with anything on her own.

It can be both, not either/or.

Just in my experience it IS either/or!

Glad to hear that's not universal, and you sound like a lovely friend.