Couple brags

[DallazMajor]

I may be just miserable and bitter but here goes.

it boils my piss when people refer to their OH as their “rock” and that they wouldn’t have got through “XYZ” without them.

A). Yes you would
B). How do you think it makes people who don’t have a partner feel.

Am I BU?

It’s a bit contradictory though isn’t it? Saying they would be fine, but then acknowledging it’s hard doing everything on your own? I suppose when people are calling someone their rock they are acknowledging it’s hard being on your own and having the right support is something they’re grateful for (Not saying this in a harsh tone, it’s hard to get the right tone in posting).

I get it, OP.

I have been single nearly 7 years now and no end in sight. It really grinds my gears at the amount of smug couple-bragging that goes on, and the unhealthy co-dependency in some cases - especially where you can only see certain friends and family with their OHs. It can feel like they are surgically attached together.

I try to rationalise it in my mind and make myself feel better by thinking I am independent, but if I am being honest I am lonely, feel like something is wrong with me, and would love some support (going through a bereavement at the moment, and everyone else impacted has a partner).

No words of wisdom, just wanted to say you're not alone.

I literally couldn't have put it better myself. I've lost both my parents and don't wring my hands at my friends talking about their feelings for theirs or things they do together. I had a hideous DV first marriage so yes I do praise my now husband and absolutely I don't know how I would have got through some things without him. No one tiptoes around my bereavements or DV history so I don't think I should tiptoe around being happy with my husband because someone might be single. What a world full of bitter people we would be.

Why does what people say about themselves or their relationship have to do with anyone else?

This need to take on what other people say and make it about themselves seems to be a sport these days

Your "triggers" are your responsibility to deal with, you cant expect the entire world to tiptoe around you and if you do expect that then be prepared for a life time of misery and offence I'm afraid

This. You seem triggered by the very fact of other people’s relationships. Would you feel the same if a friend posted something nice about their friend on social media? Presumably not.

You’re seeing it through this lens because you want a relationship but aren’t in one. With kindness, this isn’t their problem, it’s yours. The onus is on you to manage it, not on them.

C) 'It boils my piss' is a horrible phrase ✔️

The more the partner is bigged up the less inclined I am to believe the hype. Happy couples just quietly live their lives. They don’t have to try to convince others. Or themselves

A) I might not have, actually, but if I had then I would be much more damaged than I am.

B) Well I don't tend to say it to single people for that reason (don't really say it to anyone except him and very close family and friends) but in this case, you did ask.

You aren’t wrong about it being miserable post!

It’s no different from when people say their lives would be empty and meaningless without their children. It can make those who are childless not by choice feel like shit. But they’re not speaking an objective, universal truth. Life is what you make it.

My DH is indeed my rock. And my best friend and safe haven. But I could manage without him. I’d have to.

Yabu

Me and DH met when we were very young and there were some tough times. I probably would still be alive without him but I definitely wouldn’t have what I have now and I’d have almost definitely done a stint in jail. I have also helped him with a lot and he probably wouldn’t be where he is without my support, but I know I personally would have been much worse off.

I wouldn’t call him my rock unless I was taking the piss, because I do think it’s a bit cringe. I also probably wouldn’t discuss how much I appreciate what he’s done for me with anyone who doesn’t already know because it’s outing, but I do tell him how grateful I am often. I kind of understand what you mean in terms of it can get a bit annoying when people bang on about it randomly, but the whole “he’s my rock” stuff tends to be relegated to wedding speeches, captions of anniversary/Valentine’s Day posts. I’ve rarely experienced it in the wild.

I'm in my 60s and I don't think women need men, not does anyone of my age I know. Plenty of needy 30somethings tho
It's not some great wisdom only one generation has.

I get this. I do sometimes grit my teeth when people tell me about how their DH does such and such while they do something else - usually when I've come in from some extensive activity and I'm dying to sit down and have a cup of tea but I have to walk the dog and tidy the house. I WISH there was someone else to do the little jobs so I didn't have to!

But then I remember how much of a pain my last relationship was and how much I had to put up with. Plus I'm used to doing it all myself now.

I guess being in our early 30s, our generation doesn’t really feel that women need men.

I dont see it as "needing" a man. Your emotional rock could be literally anyone - it could be a friend, a parent, a sibling, a partner, even a pet etc. Noone said it has to be a male partner but sometimes, it will be and thats perfectly ok. Everyone needs support at certain times in their life, it doesn't make them weak or feeble, it makes them human.

I see lots of posts on social media about how much people love their friends, their pets, their parents, their siblings etc but OP isnt getting irritated by those is she? -she's focusing only on the people posting about their romantic partners so its confirmation bias. I bet if she looked for posts where people were celebrating their friends and family she would find those too.

But they may not have got through something without them, none of us know really.

I have various friends that are single, none by choice. One is bitter as anything, I am very careful talking about anything my DH and I do. She says so often well well it’s all right for you as you have Mr ViciousCurrentBun. The others are nothing like this. Be careful as it can drive people away, if it wnast such a long friendship I wouldn’t bother with her if honest.

It’s not my fault that other people don’t have a partner. I’ll refer to DH however I want and I frankly don’t care if it makes other people feel bad. They weren’t bothered about me when I was single 🤷‍♀️

Many, many people have terrible partners who either are the creator of the hard times, or go out of their way to make the hard times even worse for their partner by being selfish pricks.
Maybe they look at your independence and lack of being married to a twat and also feel jealous?

Also I had a neighbour come round in floods of tears about her horrible controlling husband & how terrible she felt - next day he was her amazing rock on Facebook.

It's all meaningless rubbish. If a relationship is solid you don't need to convince anyone else.

I agree OP.
It also doesn’t take into account that the OH being the ‘rock’, ,doesn’t really have much option???!

I’m in my fifties and I can assure you I have never thought ‘women needed men’. My life is full of stuff I don’t ‘need’, strictly speaking, but which enrich it hugely, anyway. DH is one of them.

Why don't they have the option?

No-one's forcing them to fully support the person they love?

Single life can be tough when there is no one else to share the load of life with but also relationships take hard work.

Maybe they can't get through without a man? It's astounding how many people can't cope without a man on here. For those of us who can cope, on the surface the people who can't look weak and pathetic. But putting my empathy and emotional intelligence hat on, some people just aren't as strong as others. That's part of life, we are all different.

If everyone had to avoid expressing appreciation, joy or pride in a situation for fear of upsetting someone not in that situation, the world would be a joyless place.

I’ve never described my OH as ‘my rock’ but he’s the most steady, supportive, reliable and anchoring person in my life. So:

a) You don’t have a fucking clue what other people would or wouldn’t get through, and in what circumstances. They know themselves better than you do.

b) I don’t really give a shit. I don’t have much time for people who are so bitter that they can’t bear to see other people happy. I enjoyed being single but even if I hadn’t enjoyed it, I wouldn’t have expected other people not talk about their relationships, because I’m not the centre of the universe.