Couple brags

[DallazMajor]

I may be just miserable and bitter but here goes.

it boils my piss when people refer to their OH as their “rock” and that they wouldn’t have got through “XYZ” without them.

A). Yes you would
B). How do you think it makes people who don’t have a partner feel.

Am I BU?

Of course they have the option. Nobody’s forcing them to be a decent partner. A relationship, and the way someone behaves in one, is a choice.

What a weird thing to say. There are plenty of people in bad relationships who aren’t supported by their partner - how we behave is always a choice.

I have one like this too and have started to distance myself. Me and others in relationships have ‘settled’ and aren’t strong, independent women like her. Bore off!

And I don’t sit any talk about DH or DS to her as she told me she finds them boring. Fair enough but maybe I should be telling her that listening about her job isn’t the most scintillating conversation. I have plenty of other single friends, who are more normal.

YABU OP - don’t end up like my friend. Live your life and be happy, and stop comparing it to the lives of others.

My friend claims her husband is her 'rock'.
He has had 4 affairs. Not everything is always as it seems. Words are just words.

A) my partner is my rock, I would not have managed to go through what I did without him I would of ended up sectioned and came very close to being sectioned.
B) Not my problem, I don’t care sorry but if your miserable that’s nobody else’s problem but your own.

A) I would never have gotten through the shitstorm 2020 threw at me without DP by my side, he is absolutely my rock
B) If other people's happiness makes you miserable than that's your problem to deal with not theirs.

As a woman who has gone through shit people only have fear in their nightmares, caused by men, I can say I feel strong that I got through it on my own.

And I feel a bit sorry for people putting up with shit men because they feel they can’t do better, or don’t deserve better. I also remember even great relationships aren’t all plain sailing and luck is a massive factor in whether the man you pick ends up being a good one.

i also think that they are stronger than they think. People don’t know their own strength but I’m happy that it’s never been tested for them.

Whenever I hear someone described as their partner’s rock, I shudder and think how much I would hate someone depending on me that much and similarly how I would hate being that dependent on someone else.

Sometimes I look at people who are so dependent on their partners and wonder how they would cope with the everyday aspects of life if they ended up single or widowed. But then, they might like having that level of support and their partners might feel validated from being needed so much. Each to their own.

People say that about their mums too. My mum's never been that for me. I'm not bitter about it though. I'm happy for them, they don't need to hide their appreciation for their mum to save my feelings.

My sister told me her husband was her rock. I mean, yeah, I can see that, he’s about as much fun as one. But! Good for her, if it floats her boat.

Absolutely. I have pitifully inadequate parents, who have no idea they’re pitifully inadequate. I’m delighted friends have good relationships either theirs. Them have equally bad relationships with their parents doesn’t help my own set-up.

A. My husband truly is my rock and has got me through some terrible times. You don't know other people's relationships, Op and are wrong to dismiss them seeing their partner as their rock.

B. What people do is up to them.

I imagine it makes single people feel similar to how people in couples may feel when single people point out all the good things about being single, if they are the type of people to worry about that sort of thing at all. I think it would only be an issue for anyone if they were unhappy with their own situation, which isn’t really anyone else’s fault.

My husband of 20 years is all of that you described, no kids, easy life and I envy you and would rather be single again.
Everyone is different and we change as we get through life.

But how do you know what their situation is. My beautiful twin babies died at birth two years ago. We had a stillbirth with our first twin and our second died in the NICU after suppprt was withdrawn. Dh was the only person that gave a damn about me after the funeral and people disappeared. When I was crippled with grief and anxiety after, he kept me going even when he was suffering too. I'm sorry if that isn't everyones experience but its ours. I was completely lost afterwards. He absolutely was my rock.

A lot of people outside of our circke wont know this happened to us so maybe they would judge me saying dh is my rock, buy tbh after the pain we've gone through, I don't really care what others think.

I’m guessing it doesn’t make others feel bad as they are grown adults who appreciate other folk having a partner has no bearing on their life whatsoever

Yes, of course you are being utterly unreasonable and ridiculous. People shouldn't talk about having supportive partners because you are single? Really?

Frankly, not at all certain why you wasted the 3/4hr of your precious life writing all that out then

I just lost my mum. So I’m pretty sensitive right now.

Sending a hug xxx

It’s quite concerning that you imagine it takes 3/4 hour to type out about a dozen lines of text. It takes me less than one minute to write ‘all that’, so if you think it takes 3/4 hour, I assume you have a bizarrely slow typing speed, or limited cognitive abilities. How do you manage?

The more I read of this thread, that more I feel the same as @sammylady37.

I have lived this long and done/endured/experienced this much and I did it all just fine. To be so needy or dependent on someone else for my success and happiness seems awful and very limiting. I know whatever happens, I can manage and not be left in the lurch about some facet of life (I'm thinking of those widows who have zero knowledge of finances, or can't drive, or don't even know when the binmen come, after their husbands die)

Granted, I fully accept there is mutual happiness etc, but that is not what is being said in these posts - it's all about leaning on someone else to deal with life and saying they would have been otherwise incapable of doing so independently.

Absolutely this!

I deliberately made decisions that meant I don’t have to depend on someone emotionally (or financially but that is different) - giving someone the power to be able to throw a bomb into your life terrifies me.

I don’t judge people for allowing themselves to be that vulnerable unless they judge me first.

I know someone in their 50s who has no idea how much money they and their husband have - it’s not financial abuse, she doesn’t want to be involved. She doesn’t know who her energy suppliers are, how to pay bills etc because she trusts him to deal with it.

She is incapable of reading a train timetable (despite commuting by train daily).

She depends on her husband for everything. If he ups and walks out tomorrow then she’s screwed!

I agree with this.

A. Its pretty nasty and unkind to tell people what they would get through when you have no idea how it has affected them. My close friend lost her child a few years ago- she woke up to find he had died in his sleep. She was suicidal for a long time afterwards (understandably) and it was her partner that got her through it. Imagine if I had said what is in your OP to her- how cruel would that be?

B. As PP have said, I dont care if you like it or not, if you are that bitter about other people's happiness then I suggest you come off social media entirely.

Its your responsibility to manage your anger and hatred, not us.

People are allowed to celebrate the good things in their lives.

This reasoning would have no one ever allowed to say anything in case someone else didn't have that thing.