All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

Have you thought that mabe he stopped because he felt threatened by a strange woman who passed him, and then turned around and started following him only a few feet behind him.

I think your actions OP are strange to say the least.

Without getting into the nitty gritty of this particular encounter, overall I think youre right. Women are so often told to go with their instinct, listen to their gut, there might have been other nuances that set off your internal alarm that you couldn't quite put your finger on. If you feel uncomfortable go with that, if its innocent no harm done.

I walk my dog on my own all the time and usually go to public areas but occasionally go to the local forest or due to terrible.weather im the only one.out and about.. I keep my wits about me, keep my phone close to hand and usually tell someone where im going as I live alone. Family live close by. I give most people a wide berth or just walk in the opposite direction if I see them in the distance. Don't think my dog would be that much use either 😃

Some men do seem a bit more clued in, others not so much and dont seem to care they might be seen as intimidating.

Years ago I completely let loose at a man in an underpass. It was daytime but we were the only 2 there and he appeared to make a point of closing as much distance between us as possible instead of sticking to 'his side'. It might have been innocent enough but I hope my verbal lashing left a long lasting impression so he was a bit more self aware. Scared the life out of me.

Maybe if woman spend more time and effort on instincts when going into relationships with men with red flags coming out of every surface instead seeing a random man and thinking he is up to no good

Maybe if women paid less attention to everyone belittling their fears and telling them they're paranoid nutcases, they'd be better at spotting red flags?

I don’t understand what you think he did wrong. What exactly do you think he should have done differently? Had a different hairstyle? Not stopped to get something (maybe his water bottle) out of his backpack?

Always trust your gut instincts

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable

One time I was walking alone through a back street and a man came up to me to ask for a lighter then apologised profusely when I started shaking.

they know. They understand.
they can do better.

This. ‘The gift of fear’ talks about it. Rather be embarrassed than dead.

my friend’s 18 yo sister was dragged from a well used path into a bush and raped. She was walking her soppy dog (which ran off) and wearing jeans. It was daytime and sunny. She screamed but of course but there wasn’t immediately any one nearby and he had a knife and she was scared he would kill her.

Women can never be too careful and should always, always be alert.

So what was the man in the op doing that would make someone fearful, apart from existing

I wouldn't worry OP. He probably identifies as a woman so all good.

Men could /should spend more time and effort becoming more self aware, kinder, less selfish, less cheaty, and less misogynistic then the hypervigilance and red flag hunting wouldnt be such a big issue.

I was thinking similar. The OP was acting more suspiciously than the dude. 😆

Her point is that’s all he needs to do. Exist. That being alone with an unknown man is threatening when somewhere remote like the woods. And he could have kept more distance to help her feel more comfortable because it’s conscientious when we all share a planet. Are you really that dense?

Yes if someone half my size and weight was acting erratically the first thing I’d do is get my pepper spray… are you ok hun?

😂

Ah the same sick disgusting call of the people who claim men can't be abused.

Some of my male friends already are very considerate about this - they cross the street to the other side if it’s late at night and they find themselves walking behind a solo woman for example to show they’re not a threat. Unfortunately there’s a reason why you’ll be feeling worried about that, and after a
couple of incidents included being flashed
ina park when I was on my own, I too have been filled with fear when suddenly passing a lone male in a quiet setting.

Haven’t said this? But like you know there’s a reason why we have men and women’s boxing leagues right… because it’s not a fair fight?
what is a woman on her own in the woods going to do to a healthy man???

I posted one answer to this at 04:04.

A lot of people get really bothered by having someone walking behind them (men and women). If he was aware of you, which if you were only a few feet behind he woud almost certainly know you were there, then he probably stopped so you wouldn't continue trailing him. If he wasn't aware of you then you can hardly blame him for any of his behaviour.

If you're this easily spooked by a man getting something from his rucksack then I find it odd that you regularly choose to go walking in a remote area at all?

@Bepo77@Stnamyes god forbid we expect a poor little man to be aware of his surroundings and behave in a way that doesn’t centre himself. My god your standards of men are low. Why is the onus on her to change her behaviour?

I have a 20yo DS. Since he was a young teen I've reminded him to always be aware of lone women, to walk on the other side of the road etc - and he diligently does so. I've not, however, told him not to have long hair, or to get something out his backpack, and I don't intend to do so.

The poor bloke in the woods did nothing wrong. I walk/hike alone a lot, I see many people on their own (mainly men) doing likewise, and it's never bothered me. I think you're overreacting, and I honestly think if that sort of thing un-nerves you, you'd feel more comfortable walking in more public spaces

Specifically, how should he have changed his behaviour after being unwillingly followed?