All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

All this “men should cross the road” blah blah blah brigade need to realise that women are just as capable of doing these things. As a woman and a survivor (I hate this word) of both SA and grooming I get it people can be scary but we can also take matters into our into our own hands and swerve if we feel uncomfortable. Awareness doesn’t jus apply to men, and honestly I hope most of us aren’t constantly checking out everyone around us.

This man did nothing wrong, maybe you felt uncomfortable because you thought he was a woman but were startled because he was a man. Maybe he could have kept going, but if I need something from my backpack I’m not looking around to see if anyone’s around me to make sure they are definitely comfortable with me doing something.

But OP I also get it, spider senses can be hard to shake off and I hope you’re calmer now after the encounter.

Well yes men should be aware of intimidating behaviour, and not cause women distress, but I see nothing in your OP to indicate he did anything wrong?

He opened a backpack? That’s it?

@oviraptor21
The OP passed the man going in opposite direction! at no point was he following her, she turned and followed him!
This is unhinged this level of suspicion and fear, he wasn’t bothered by OP, she’s the one making something out of nothing.

Men can be creepy but if you're too scared to walk by yourself in the daylight and someone stopping to get something out of their bag gives you the terrors, I think maybe you need to get a bit braver.

I would be so unhappy if I believed I couldn't walk alone in the woods.

You stopped, changed direction and followed him. Strange behaviour given he didnt do anything other than walk past you. What did you want him to do? Disappear?

He opened a backpack what next take a sip of water where will it end

This is not true. Humans get it wrong all the time. Plenty of evidence of this, and plenty of evidence that people are abused by those whom they trust the most. You are the gaslighter.

Stop playing the victim. You turned round and started following him. He probably thought why is this weird woman following me so he stopped in the hope you’d bugger off

This post is exactly the reason I tell my 25 year old gay son to avoid women! Whatever you do if it's innocent behaviour or even stopping to help what we have brought him up to believe a lady you will be in the wrong. Don't look, don't stop and don't help ( and that ladies and gentlemen is now called misandry was once called sexual harassment. Welcome to 2026!

Yes but what lesson are men supposed to take from this incident? Don't have long hair? Don't walk several paces ahead of a woman? Don't get anything out of your backpack without checking for women?

And the OP is too anxious to even walk in the woods, which suggests maybe she's always dialled up to eleven when it comes to threat detection.

I get what you're saying but I think your scenario wasn't the right one to explain it because you actually ended up following him. I often tell my dh to be aware of a woman walking alone at night if he's walking behind them and to cross road or hang back a bit because they might be nervous.

To be honest I don’t fear all men, I often walk through a particular alleyway on the way home late at night and often pass different men and quite honestly some of them look more nervous than me. You can’t live in fear when it is still not common for people to suffer violence. It happens of course and when it does it makes the news and it can seem like it happening all over the place. but we can’t live in expectation that passing a man on a path will inevitably lead to something awful.

No wonder we don’t get taken seriously are called dramatic. He was walking, you’re the one who turned around and got up close behind him.

Yes, the behaviour of men has to change, but its not the behaviour of "normal" men that needs to be changed, is it? its the behaviour of the misogynistic, psychopathic scum who, frankly, are going to grab you in the woods and you're not going to have much say in the matter. MN may not like hearing it but most men aren't like that. A simple walk sounds very stressful if this worries you all the time.

Eh?

You decided to turn around and follow him but instead of keeping a sensible distance between the two of you you decided to be as close as only "several feet behind him" and you think he didn't know you were there?

If this is a remote/forested area I'd hazard a guess that he'd be aware of you following him even if you were 30 yards or more behind him.

If you were following him only several feet behind of course he stopped and looked round to see why this person was following him so closely.

Your instinct is whatever it is but to say men should I be aware of this you really need to explain what “this” is. I’m not sure you can blame him for anything when you effectively decided to follow him, which is more than likely the reason he looked over his shoulder. I’m also fairly sure men should be allowed to look into their bags.

If he was a mind reader, perhaps he would've. But what are the chances of any of us bumping into Uri Geller on a woodland walk?

Slim to none, I imagine 🔮

Being in situations where you fear something is off can make you think/feel all sorts
Last year I was in a situation where I felt genuinely worried, especially as I had my 2 young kids with me
We was on a bus upstairs sat on the right side. Only around 3 or 4 people up there, then a man got on a few rows in front to the left. He kept constantly looking behind at us and after maybe 10 times looking back he says to me, you okay? I smiled awkwardly and said yes thank you, he kept looking back. I was tempted to get off the bus at the next stop (way before the stop I needed in an area I didn’t know at all) but decided to go sit downstairs where it was busy at the back, I was so relieved when he got off the bus.
May sound innocent but the way he was constantly looking back, and only at us really got me on edge.
i havent been back on a bus since. Which is a shame as my 8 year old does like to go on the bus (luckily I drive)

This is odd, who would you follow him & pass him if you felt threatened?

He stopped and opened his backpack. That's not threatening! Maybe he was just looking for his phone or his sandwiches or something. There really isn't any need for you to be frightened of walking alone, whether there is a man there or not.

when he turned round and saw you behind him, he would have kept on going to maintain the distance.

at what point is he allowed to stop and
get something from his backpack?

It sounds to me like he stopped to pretend to look in his backpack so that you could pass him without making things awkward for you.

Boys need to be taught what in schools? That they have to always keep their distance from women? That they must stop and look in their backpacks? That they mustn't go for a walk? And OP did have a choice. She could have just carried on walking, said Hello to the man, and thought nothing of it.

Pity the teachers, head in hands, faced with yet another topic "to be taught in schools" added by the zealots who think teachers have nothing to fill the school day with already...

Instead of raw statistics, it's better to look at probability. You'll soon realise that the chances of being attacked are miniscule. Those cases make the news because they are not the norm. Women do not have to be cautious of men.