All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

Has it put you off walking there alone?
I don’t want to worry you, but it might not be the last you see of him.

You got bad vibes from him, so decided to follow him. Then when he saw you following him, he stopped and got into his backpack, which made you more nervous. I stead of keeping your distance and keeping him in your line of sight, you decided to pass him so he'd be behind you again?

Yes, I agree with this. Although, if he had been dodgy, he would have likely had the balance of power over you; however YOU were behaving dodgy, for all he could tell.

He most probably looked behind him because he didn't want to stop and have you bump into him, as you were following him so closely; plus it's entirely normal, and wise, to look behind you before opening your bag - as somebody so close behind you could easily take advantage, reach in and grab your phone.

Unfortunately, you were worried about him potentially being a threat to you; and you reacted by behaving in a way that he may well have worried about you potentially being a threat to him. Even a man who's three times the size of a woman won't stand a chance if she grabs a big rock or a big thick fallen branch and smashes him over the head with it when he has his back to her.

How was this intimidating??

But this wasn't at night. It was in the early afternoon. Would they cross over at any time of day?
I know my DH would do the same at night but in the day with other people around it probably wouldn't even occur to him.
I don't know. OP was following him so I don't think he did anything wrong.

I totally get it OP. Really the responses on here are quite bizarre. I frequently walk alone in the country and a. hugely aware of any man walking solo particularly when they have no dog,

Totally get why you were nervous.

He stopped to let you past.

1. He walked past you.
2. He didn't even know you had doubled back until you were close to him.

I really can't understand why, if you felt you were in danger and doubled back, you didn't watch and walk behind him for as long as possible and already have your keys ready.

I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night and the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly.

These are men who I am sure have no ill intentions - but they are wholly lacking in awareness that a woman on her own may feel unsafe with a man behind her who she can hear but not see. I often end up stopping and some of the men actually appear irritated that they have to pass and walk ahead of me.

It was gratifying to read some posts about women teaching their sons to cross the road rather than tail-gate a woman.

I think he was stopping to open the back back as an excuse to stop behind you so that you wouldn't feel that he was walking too closely behind you.

Remember running at night once about 9:30pm in winter so very dark & as I approached a man on the path coming the other way he stood so far wide towards the other side of the path to me in a “I mean you no harm” type way & I wish he knew how much I appreciated that. I bet he has daughters.

@mildlysweaty so I understand this. You went for a walk, a person you presumed was a woman but was a man walked by, you walked further before turning around. As you approached him, he looked over his shoulder, stopped and started getting something from his bag, you walked on?

Did you ever think that you gave off weird vibes and he was stopping to pay attention to what you’re doing in-case he is under a random attack?

Seriously, you’re the weird and dodgy one here, not him. Also, all women are programmed to be wary of men is nonsense. See a therapist.

So what should this man have done in this scenario? Magically cease to exist?

YANBU in thinking that men should be aware of how their actions and behaviours could be perceived as threatening. The obvious one being following a lone woman.

I also don't think you are necessarily being unreasonable to have been anxious in the particular case in your OP. You can only describe what you saw and did, you cannot describe those inner things, the ones that set off the 'what is he doing' thoughts.

"I understand what you mean, OP. I hate a man walking behind me at night"

But how does that relate to the OP costing to walk mere feet behind a strange man in the daylight?

"the amount of times ive slowed down to allow them to pass and they don't or do so very relunctantly."

Like the random man enjoying his walk did here

Did you read the OP?

It was during the day.
The man was not walking behind her.
He was walking towards her.
She started at him as he passed her.
She then turned around and followed him at a distance of a few feet.
She then complained on here that he stopped to get something from his bag after looking behind him at the strange person following him.

Are you on the right thread?

I understand what you're saying op, but I agree with this. In the situation you're describing he was walking away from you and you then turned and followed him so he's actually not done anything wrong. In fact I don't think there's anything different he could have done other than not stopped to get something from his bag but again, maybe he checked behind him before he stopped so as not to block someone and then went for his headphones or a phone battery etc. Maybe he's diabetic and needed a snack.

I normally say trust your gut and obviously none of us can speak to this guy as to whether he was genuinely creepy or not. But i don't think id expect a man to do anything differently in this situation.

Wtf am i reading.
Sometimes im more scared of women than i am of some of the men.

Exactly

But this wasn't at night. It was in the early afternoon. Would they cross over at any time of day?

If there were no other people around (as it appears to be in OPs case), yes, of course they would. Obviously not in a town centre, or a housing estate, but I live rurally and there are a lot of quiet roads with no houses close by. I suppose men make the judgement taking account of the situation. I've definitely felt uncomfortable on a lonely road in the middle of the day.

Always trust your instincts OP

Men should know not to do things like walk behind a woman etc.. basic courtesy related to the risks women face

Or in front of them
Or be followed by them

OP, to answer your question, men should be aware that they can appear frightening to women. I've had many occasion walking home from my train in the dark, my village isn't super well lit and sometimes guys are just making their own way back home but they usually walk faster than me so it can feel absolutley awful when you have the feeling of someone gaining on you and I have broken out into a run before if I don't like the lack of street lights or houses to get to a better street. I'm sure it makes those guys feel like shit and I don't mean it personally (for any blokes reading)

However I suspect some guys probably get the heebie jeebies too, put yourself in the guys position, you were walking one way and he was walking another, however how would you feel if you sensed the guy change direction and start following you? He probably messed with his bag as an excuse to stop to let you past. Your behaviour actually made you appear to be the predator so I guess the lesson is we should all be mindful not to appear stalkerish to strangers. 😅

Exactly! And a lot of attacks are from women/mixed groups. Quite unfairly, my mum always said she was concerned if anyone was walking in a dog walking area (like the one in the post) without a dog, because it seemed weird, though to be fair, none of the attacks in our are have ever involved a man with a dog. One of the nicest men I know said people used to give him worried looks if he carried a backpack on the train, assuming that his skin colour made him more dangerous. These people presumably didn't think white women could possibly be a problem.

Why are people acting like they’re confused, if a man sees a woman and they’re isolated, him stopping and taking something out of a bloody backpack isn’t going to seem great is it? Fed up of people on mn pretending they don’t know what people are talking about or acting like the op is crazy- they were in the bloody woods, not on an open street with plenty of people! And yes men should be aware that women could be nervous of them! Ffs