AIBU to find 'feel free to still go' rude and condescending?

[Crazystupididea]

Not sure if I’m just being over sensitive but my friend & I had arranged to go for a day out with our kids tomorrow. I messaged her to confirm the time we would meet and she replied back saying she had double booked but to ‘feel free to still go without her’

Am I the only one who finds it really rude and quite condescending when people say that?!?

Like I don’t need her permission to take my kids on a day out that I’ve already booked and paid for just because she’s bailed.

AIBU? Not the first time she’s done this so maybe I’m just being sensitive.

Not sure how else she should answer tbh

Well firstly, she could have told OP with some notice instead of literally waiting until OP got in touch to confirm the time.

Secondly she could have apologised for double booking and flaking out on something OP has bloody paid for

Just basic manners really

I wouldn't be annoyed by "feel free to still go".

I'd be annoyed by her bailing on an arranged outing that cost ticket money.

"Double booking" = better offer.

I'd be annoyed that she didn't contact me to let me know she wasn't going to go but instead dismissed me when I went to finalise arrangements.

I'd be annoyed that my kids were disappointed at short notice.

This is kind of condescending

I think it's rude and almost an excuse "I can't go but you go and then you are not losing out". Did she apologise? I have a feeling that "feel free to go without me" is instead of saying sorry. She's no friend.

I'd probably only ever use "feel free to go without me" if it was something I was really looking forward to but I was ill and it was something that couldn't be postponed or rebooked IE: something I wouldn't want the other party to miss out on because I couldn't make it for a genuine, last minute reason.

And even then I'd probably only say it if the party was contemplating not going without me.

This is absolutely not something you say when you are letting someone down at the last minute as you double booked. Where was her apology?

I'd have replied along the lines of "well of course we are still going as we've booked tickets. We aren't going to miss this as you've double booked"

cheeky cow.

Was she apologetic?

Tbh though it can also look very graceless to give someone the third degree when they flake. If they wanted to be there, they would have made the effort, you can’t force the issue.

And if it happens too many times you also have the choice to invite different friends out.

Same. That particular phrase isn't the problem here.

Thanks for all the replies, just to say of course I’m more annoyed that she’s bailed but it was just salt in the wound that her reply was quite blasé.

I suspect she never got round to booking the tickets.

You could call her bluff and ask if she can let you have her tickets for another friend. Then you'll know for sure she didn't bother booking.

The “ feel free to go without me” is just a condensed way of saying “don’t hold off until I become available” but it’s a tactless thing to say when you have already bought tickets.

Tbh I think these things are better dealt with in the moment so a reply such as “we are definitely still going thanks , we are looking forward to it, besides I didn’t know you could change the day once you’ve paid for tickets.
Hope you have a good day too”

It was rude to double book you an bail, but telling you to go without her seems OK to me. Otherwise you might felt you needed to cancel and reschedule for a day you can go together.

Call her bluff. Ask her to send you her tickets as someone at you work may be interested in buying them from her.

She’s sounds flaky and like she hasn’t double booked , she just got a better offer .

If that is so, she's led you a bit of a merry dance thinking you had organised an outing together.

Agree with this. People read far too much into things

It means 'I don't want you to miss out because I've messed up.'

This

Well now you know where you stand with her
Shes not a real friend, is she?

Thats twice at least shes done this
Your response should be to drop the rope and not bother again.

Yeah the phrase makes her sound very condescending.

Yes, this would absolutely annoy me - I love the people commenting that what you're really annoyed about is the flakiness, as if they're being terribly astute! Obviously, but her wording is still quite gauche and tactless. Generous of her to give you permission to go about your day 😂

But the implication that there's even the faintest possibility she might have some justification to be upset if OP went is ridiculous. It just doesn't need saying at all.

I would say if it was me and I genuinely couldn't get out of the double booking and said something like that it would mean I felt upset and guilty but would not want my friend to miss out and encourage her to go with her children without me.

Yep the friend should be apologetic as main message not you’re fine to go.