AIBU to ask DH to come back from London as baby and I are unwell?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Wasn’t sure where to put this as have a bit of a dilemma. DH is away for today and tonight for a work thing in London. It is a new job (end of Jan) so he is still making good impression etc and on best behaviour. All was agreed and grandma is staying tonight to help with my 8 week old and almost four year old.

Baby has had her 8 week jabs today and is now very cranky - a lot of crying/ screaming and off her milk. This would be fine if I was on my own but I have a really bad eye infection. It was a stye but has now developed (as of this morning!)into a full infection and doctor has mentioned I would have to go to a and e if not improved after the antibiotics given.

my right side of face is so painful
and I feel really run down. Grandma is staying but she is in her 70s and I would never expect her to do the nights.

im really worried that I won’t be able to cope with my screaming baby in the night who might be a lot worse and the night will be really disturbed. I’m really suffering and need some sleep (we split the nights - I do the lion’s share and he does from 4-6:30 approx).

I have called him to ask him to consider coming back as I need my husband.

what would you do? Aibu to ask? Please be kind in responses, this is a bit of a shit situation and I feel physically very poorly.

It feels monumental but hopefully it’ll all be fine for you. Just take it all as it comes

Cranky baby and eye infection? You will cope.

Don’t listen to people saying it’s only an eye infection. I was just about to comment warning you to be careful. My daughter complained of a sore eye in Jan- I thought it was dust in her eye. Long story short- she had a rare and serious eye infection - acantomeoba she nearly lost her sight and still on a controlled antibiotic 4 times a day until April.

I hope the night goes well for you.

Hope you’re ok OP.

I do feel for you as it sounds horrible. I don’t think your husband needs to come back (I know you’ve told him not to) but I think people are being unkind.

You do get this on AIBU - people being incredibly blunt with posters who are clearly having a hard time already. I don’t think it’s called for.

Could your Mum at least do the early morning that your DH does, having got some sleep in herself? That doesn’t sound too horribly taxing even at 75. I know 75 is quite old for night waking as my parents are 77 and 75 (I was so lucky they were 58 and 60 when I had my eldest, who was very sick) but an early morning might be manageable bearing in mind the unusual circumstances?

Do go back to the hospital or Drs tomorrow if your eye seems to be getting worse though. Eyes are very important!

There are 2 adults there. The night might be tough but granny can take over in the morning and you can get a good sleep then

I hope you’re ok. I’ve just completed 3 days alone with the kids, one who was ill. I full on cried about an hour before DH stepped through the door. I’m not trying to minimise how you feel, how you feel is valid, I’m sharing in hope you’ll have some level of comfort there are loads of us out there also having a stressy day parenting alone. We’re all in it together, even though we don’t see each other, but we’re here with you. You know I read recently on MN that there are nuns, the Norbertine Sisters, who wake every night to pray for mothers who are up with their children at night. Sometimes I look out the window at night whilst swaying, I can’t see anyone obviously, but I know I’m not alone. X

In what world is a non improving eye infection not very serious?
Jesus fucking Christ.
I think op’s situation warrants attention first thing tomorrow

I’m going to bed now - thanks for the well wishes, really helped me tbh. Someone mentioned thinking of other mums going through it in the night and that does help -
sometimes you feel you’re the only one awake in those early silent hours so will think of other mums and that poster (can’t find the post now otherwise would name!) and feel a bit of solidarity. X

will update in the am to give us all an end of this sorry saga hopefully..!

Hoping the Calpol does the job. Sometimes after being unsettled like this they do crash out so fingers crossed.

If not, do take advantage of the extra adult in the morning to get an hour or so. It's not the same as a full night's sleep but it does help and will support your recovery. Good luck

Hope you manage sleep OP and that when you wake up the antibiotics will have kicked in.

I broke my ankle when my DD was 3 weeks old and I had a 2.5 year old too. Looking back on it now I can't quite believe how I did it but DH went back to work and we just carried on. I remember having DD in the carrier, ds in the buggy (thankfully a super maneoverable microlight), one hand on a crutch and one on the buggy with the dog lead wrapped around the handle.

We are a resilient bunch even though it sucks sometimes.

Hope you're doing OK @Dinosaurhearmeroar, I had occular cellulitis and keratitis in both eyes at the end of last year and it's not pleasant. Doctors are very firm about making sure you're aware that any changes or worsening means a trip to a&e so I completely understand your anxiety, especially with 2 small children.
I'm glad you've made your husband aware and please take any help grandma is able to offer. I hope your antibiotics kick in soon and your eye and face start feeling a little better x

lean on grandma tonight but take care of your eye and get to a&e asap tomorrow if there’s not an improvement. My son had peri orbital cellulitis and it was NASTY.

update us in the morning - god speed!

AIBU. The section of Mumsnet where empathy comes to die. Christ on a bike.

Hope you have a okay night and the eyes a bit better in the morning. It sounds like a really tough situation. xxx

I'm really surprised by the responses telling OP she's being unreasonable. Leaving a mum with a serious infection to her eye, looking after a young baby and a 4 year old on her own over night - he's not going to lose his job if he goes hone to attend a medical issue for his family. Men and women do that all the time at my work especially with very young babies.

I also believe it really enforces misogyny suggesting men aren't needed at home for situations like this and that it's bad if their wife "can't cope" alone - he shouldn't even have to explain himself other than to describe it as a medical emergency. The men I work with would absolutely go home in exactly these sorts of situations and people don't view them badly for it. In fact some of the men I know who do have frequently had to go home to tend to family issues if exactly this kind, recently won various awards and prizes for their contribution to the business.

Would you guys be telling a man to just suck it up if the roles were reversed?

Sorry you’re dealing with all this - there’s nothing worse than having to be responsible for kids and older parents and feeling ill. Ideally you wouldn’t want your husband to come back but eye infections like that can be very serious, absolute agony and make you systemically very unwell as you’ve already said. You may need hospitalised for IV antibiotics if the antibiotics (presumably oral) don’t work. Then you will need your husband to come home or help of some kind. Don’t suppose there are any friends nearby that could lend a hand if it comes to it?

No you can’t ask him to come back!
ride it out

I now work away in London and yes, I would say that to DH or any other man in a similar scenario.

I think unless you’re dying then asking someone to come back from work at a new job because 2 people can’t cope for 1 night with a baby and a toddler is verging on cruel and abusive. And believe me I hate 99% of men so rarely stick up for them but come on, he’ll feel ridiculous saying he has to go home! Neck a red bull, take some pain relief and power through.

I'm surprised at the amount of people saying coming home could look bad on him? Why? Has the OP said what industry he works in because I can't imagine there are many jobs that require this level of image/reputational consideration for what's being discussed as a one-off?

Have you also got a very young baby? I'm a single mum of a 2 year old and also work away while my parents look after my child however at 8 weeks old I would be very concerned about leaving a child alone with a guardian let alone also a 4 year old with someone potentially having to go to A&E and struggling in pain. I would have got straight back. No one should be judged in that situation as it's the right thing to do.

Also to add, from what OP has shared, this is an evolving eye issue which may require prompt escalation. On top of this is the obvious anxiety together with the normal stressors of having two young kids. Yes grandma is there but there are times where it should be ok to ask your husband to come home - in this situation, if I was in your shoes OP, I would have.

I remember having a serious medical issue and my DH jumped on the next flight home. I really hope you start to recover soon OP. I can imagine this feeling very scary for you.

You can’t pull him from work to help you- you already have help !

I actually really worry sometimes that people will listen on Mumsnet and not realise how serious some conditions are.

i has seen time and time again people say to (mainly women) you will be fine, pull yourself together, I am a single parent and I do it when sometimes there is a potential that the person needs medical help asap. I do worry that someone could actually take advice and end with something as serious as sepsis because they think the need to put their families first, not trouble anyone and be a good wife. This type of eye infection is so so so serious and it is being treated like she is calling him back for a cold. Yes the grandma is there but right now what makes sense is dad being on standby for if mum suddenly does need to go to a&e.

I hope that the anti-biotics kick in and starts to knock the infection on the head. Wishing you, your mum and both your little ones as peaceful a night as possible and hope that the new day is a better one. Sounds really full on and concerning, I had never heard of this condition before and I do not blame you for feeling wobbly. One day you wlll look back on this and feel proud of the way you coped, it just feels shit at the moment especially as you are waiting to see how the infection progresses. Sending a virtual hug