AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

[Holidaybirthdaydrama]

BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate. We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go ?
it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses. DH has said they’ll do something together before or after. MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ? But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!

😂😂 controlling because you don’t want to spend money you don’t have. I’d stop talking to her.

Apparently they offered a solution and I’m preventing BIL having the birthday he deserves and DH having fun.

I would say she is the controlling one, trying to guilt-trip DH into a debt neither of you wants.

I can’t believe they think this is worth going into debt for. They sound very immature and you are right to say no.

Taking on debt to go to someone’s birthday party abroad is nuts. MIL is being controlling by meddling in your finances and insisting that you go into debt for a holiday.

Your MIL is batshit suggesting you go into debt ove a birthday in a country where agents might even turn you away or detain your at the border. Absolutely mental attitude.

Of course she’s blaming you! I would assume you and your DH made a decision together about not wanting to go into debt to the ILs.

I can’t remember the last time dbro and I spent either of our birthday together, let alone on holiday. Do you normally travel together? It seems a very odd expectation and more about being seen to be a unit and frivolously spending for the sake of it.

Then what you have is a classic DH problem. He obviously hasn't been clear enough with them about it absolutely not fitting in to the family budget.

He's being wishy washy with you and letting you take the blame, while most probably secretly hoping that you will indeed cave and let him go.

They haven't offered a solution. The loan is money you haven't got and a debt you don't need. What part of you don't have the money to pay for Vegas or to repay a loan don't they get?
Are they that stupid or just entitled, arrogant and immature.

OP tell MIL her lending money to you is not a solution- it’s debt. You do not have the incomings to meet the debt.
DH can’t afford to go and that’s that.
MIL is clearly a bit dim - ignore her.
One thing in life you do absolutely need to be controlling over finances as in, in control and she’s right there! That’s how you keep a roof over your head, you he kids fed and clothed

You've told him you don't have the money to go.
What else does he expect you to do? Pull money from the money tree in the back of your garden?
I'd be saying to them "we'd love to come, but as we said, we can't afford it. Are YOU going to pay for us, then?"
If they want a week long holiday, they've got to accept that sometimes that means people can't make it.

Sounds like the in-law family from hell!
Stick to your guns and don't be bullied.

I have a SIL who has always wanted to arrange big get-togethers despite the wider family not really being bothered. We meet up separately but the big meet-ups are usually at her convenience (time & location) and everyone is supposed to fall in with her plans.
Luckily she moved to the other side of the country so after the initial "yes what a lovely house, you are so lucky to be here etc etc" big events are out and visits are much reduced.

I do hope your DH doesn't capitulate; that really would make you look like the 'problem'! You may need to have the balls for the 2 of you!

So your MIL wants you to be in debt so your dh can go on holiday he can't afford? I can see why your BIL is spoilt as she has brought him up like that. She should be telling him they cant afford it so maybe do the holiday yourself and I will arrange a family meal at home for your birthday

Wow, how self absorbed is your BIL and your MIL is enabling him. And making you out to be the bad guy!

I’d be avoiding them all as much as possible in the future.

They are very much a family who like any excuse to travel. It can’t ever just be a holiday it’s always a destination wedding/anniversary mini break/ girls weekend away/ birthday trip etc etc and I don’t think they can understand not everyone is into that or can afford it

Take the loan - repayment terms are in line with what you can afford - and since you have told her over and over that you can't afford it, you offer £5 a month - with a payment holiday at Christmas and any month with a birthday/anniversay/other occasion - maybe then it will get through to her that you can't afford it - and point out her demand that you go and get yourselves in massive debt is hugely controlling

It sounds like this is coming across to them as your decision rather than a joint decision. Your DH could maybe clarify that for them.

Your MIL is the one being controlling, why should you get into debt for someone birthday, they are being ridiculous.

They could just give him the money for the trip without expecting repayment if it means so much to them. There is no way that you should be saddled with a debt for a holiday that you aren't even going on.

Your MIL sounds really pushy. I'd be giving her a wide berth.

No is a complete sentence.
Why do people worry what other people think.
So what if it's his 40bth birthday, you do what's right for you.

This year my husband and sister in law both have big birthdays (50 and 40 respectively - on the same day) - both are going on holiday to celebrate - both are going with their spouse not expecting everyone else to go (both different places btw)

Agreed.

Sorry, I voted wrong, I should have voted you are NOT being unreasonable. You know your budget and family holidays are the most important, BIL will have to live without.