AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

[Holidaybirthdaydrama]

BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate. We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go ?
it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses. DH has said they’ll do something together before or after. MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ? But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!

Could your DH use a bit of reverse psychology (not sure if this is correct term) on MIL eg “I’d love to go on DB’s holiday but I simply can’t afford it - what should I do?”

She’ll presumably either back down, or offer to pay for him, so win:win for him either way.

anyone who wants to go abroad for birthday, hens, weddings etc either accepts some people won’t / can’t come or pays for it.

No idea why people think anyone else is interested in their milestone birthdays, don’t waste your money.

If we had the money yes he would like to go but we absolutely can’t afford it. I’m involved as we have joint finances.

Because unless you are very strong minded, when other people go on and on and on and on... You start to question yourself and you need moral support that you're not being unreasonable.

Keep firm and keep reiterating we cant afford it. If your MIL wants your dh to go she pays everything including his spending money. At 40 lots of men have families etc and your BIL may find others cant afford it either.

I think these type of (usually foreign) hen or stag dos and birthday celebrations are really selfish.
You are not unreasonable, you're sensible

I recently watched some You Tube videos on Las Vegas. It's a bit of a hot topic for Americans as their once loved fun destination has changed into something unaffordable since 2020. In one video a man was interviewed in the street and he said the bottle of water he was holding cost him $15.

So they’re expecting you to go into debt / hardship for someone else’s birthday? Holidays are a luxury - you know you can’t afford it and are taking a sensible view in saying no.

Don’t budge on this OP

What if your washing machine or car breaks, will his family buy you a new one?
It will cause arguments between ye and it’s not worth that.

Is dh 40?
What did he do for his birthday?

Rinse and repeat!

“We can’t afford to go but MIL if you’re so insistent brothers should spend birthdays together then we will happily accept flights, accommodation and spending money from you”

What kind of narcissistic twat insists on everyone shelling out for a week’s long haul holiday to celebrate their birthday? And your MIL is even more ridiculous for her emotional blackmail.

Just no.

Easily. A cocktail in the street - while fun - is $26.

Come on-they can ‘expect’ what they like but it’s not going to happen so they’ll have to get used to it. Every time they mention it, he just needs to say no.

Ask your BIL and MIL where the magic money tree grows.

That is brilliant! It sends the message they are being childish 😉

Tell MIL if she's that minded, then she can pay for your DH to go then.

We had this before with DH’s family. We said we couldn’t afford to go but they carried on asking and we just stuck to our guns. When people do celebrations aboard, it really annoys me that they get offended when people can’t just drop everything/ don’t have enough annual leave or can’t afford to go. You do something aboard and you have to factor in that not everyone can go x

Blimey, that's my idea of hell. Skegness on steroids.

I would not pay money to go there even if I could afford it. Each to their own, obviously, but I'd be very willing to say 'Not only can I not afford it, but I don't want to go there'.

His problem if he wants to get huffy, and the same with MIL. You don't get to demand how other people spend their money, or how much they are prepared to allocate to YOUR birthday.

Seen lots of SM saying Las Vegas is quiet because they have ramped up the costs there so much regular visitors have stopped going - its not just the cost of getting there

This - ask if they’re paying and when they say no tell them they have their answer

What sort of narcissistic man-toddler expects people to fork out for a week long birthday party just because he's 40. People have family holidays to pay for. And to an expensive dump like that shit hole.
Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

It's just a birthday, not a particular milestone, 40 woop de doo - he needs to get a grip! Same for MIL.

Just say you can't afford it and frankly, you're a bit pissed off they keep going on about it. Las Vegas is set up to part you with your money!