AIBU to refuse BIL’s 40th holiday we can’t afford?

[Holidaybirthdaydrama]

BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate. We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go ?
it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses. DH has said they’ll do something together before or after. MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ? But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!

Not to mention the expense of gambling during the holiday itself, and possibly acquiring a life-ruining, family-destroying addiction 😃

"BIL turns 40 soon and has decided on a week long holiday to celebrate."
He's perfectly able to go on holiday for a week. What he cannot do is command that other people commit their annual leave (that they may or many not have) and their money (that they may or many not have) to his wants.

"We can’t afford it and DH has explained this to him but he’s expected to go?"
His brother can 'expect' whatever he wants. Reality does not bend to his expectations.

"it’s causing issues but we can only just afford our family getaway we can’t add more expenses."
Who has these issues? If it's BIL and MIL, the issues are theirs and under no circumstances should you take ownership of their issues. (That would be stealing . )

"DH has said they’ll do something together before or after."
A very reasonable offer.

"MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together?"
If that is the case, why has she not pointed out to Birthday Boy that he should celebrate where his brother can join him?

"But it’s not like anyone is offering to pay for DH!!"
Of course they haven't - they want to spend YOUR money for THEIR wants.

'We can't afford it so we won't be joining you'. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I would get him to ask them how should he pay for it as you don’t physically have the money. Ask them what they suggest he do. Put it back on them.

Just say that you can’t afford it. On repeat.

if mum is saying they should do something together then say you can do something on this country with a budget of…

like someone else said - either they pay for him or accept he can’t go.

What kind of selfish idiot has a week long holiday in vega for their birthday and then gets pissy that people can’t come!

Have the party you want, but don’t expect everyone else to go.

My issue would be more that the BIL is expecting everyone to use a precious week’s worth of annual leave for his birthday.

When is this meant to be? If it is during the term, are the children meant to be taken out of school? Or is only the husband invited?

Women are not responsible for what men do.

This on repeat. It's totally unreasonable to expect you to go unless they are paying.

Can’t stand this kind of thing. My mother in law is pressuring us all to go abroad for her 60th next year and there’s no way we ca afford it. You should only really suggest a trip like this to celebrate yourself if you can pay for everyone, otherwise it’s just so stressful and rude.

Why does BIL think he has the right to decide how you spend your money and time?

Your BIL's need for overwhelming adoration and attention is not a problem for you to solve. A one week "vacation" he expects everyone to attend to honor HIM is silly and quite honestly, pathetic. Las Vegas is not cheap, no matter what the business owners in Vegas might try to get visitors to believe.

It reminds me of people who expect to have a birthday month-long celebration.

I was in Las Vegas once and couldn't wait to get out of it.

I'm not seeing the problem here. He's been invited to join them. He's declined because he can't afford it. MIL is not happy. So what?

What's the actual problem?

My DH and DS have been there (for just a few hours) on their way to Red Rock for climbing. They have offered for me to go and stay in Vegas while they go on to climbing for a few days.

My response: "What did I ever do you you both to deserve that? I thought you guys loved me."

Going to Vegas, for me, ranks right up there with going to Florida to experience a hurricane.

I actually love Las Vegas and if you embrace the naffness you'll have a great time. But this is not the point AT ALL.

I can't get over someone demanding someone else to pay to celebrate them. This goes for expensive abroad hen nights and destination weddings too. And then get pissy when you politely say you can't afford it. Even if you can afford it what if you don't want to spend your money there?

And LV is literally one of the most expensive places in the States. There is nothing to do but eat drink gamble and go to shows and every single one of those things costs a small fortune.

If in-laws expect him to go they can pay for it, simple.

It costs an absolute fortune to eat & drink in LV....bloody ridiculous expecting you to go. People like this drive me mad TBH

Just keep telling BIL and MIL that whilst you would love to attend, you simply cannot afford it. Finances are tight, and you are not willing to give up a much needed family holiday, in order to fund going to this birthday bash.

If BIL and MIL are so desperate for your DH to go, then they can stump up the cash for it!

Or they can do what most people do, and have a party at home / go for a meal / have drinks in the local pub............

I suspect that the nonsense your BIL and MIL are saying, is because they think you are stopping your husband from going, rather than it being financial!

Your husband needs to say 'I can't come, we simply don't have the money'. If they keep going on he says 'What exactly do you expect me to do? Magic the money'!!

If someone plans a celebration abroad, then they have to accept that not everyone will or can attend.

I think it's more than reasonable to suggest celebrating either before or after the event.

MIL has said brothers should celebrate these things together ?

"I agree MIL, it would really help if you could convince twatface BIL to celebrate locally so everyone can attend."

What the fuck is wrong with people seriously.

Fuck them and their trips to Vegas..

Did you not post this a week or so ago but it as more you don’t want to go so should hubby go or not.

if it was your sibling would you be more inclined to find the money

I have never known anyone go on a "birthday holiday" for a sibling - what world do these people live in?
Just keep saying "no", it's very easy.

@Holidaybirthdaydrama his DB can't expect him to be able to pay for a trip to Vegas. That's nuts!

Just be blunt. Say he would absolutely love to go but there is no way he can afford it so unless DB or his mum can pay for it then unfortunately you can't go.

What is it with people who expect everyone to drop everything, take annual leave and pay for a week long vacation just to make them feel special?

No, you can't afford it. Send him a card.

This is ridiculous, I wouldn't even bother replying anymore, you've said no and that's it.