To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

[NotWinstonChurchill]

To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

15! year old daughter (NT) has become increasingly fussy with regards to vegetables. And it's got to the point where she will eat some things in some dishes, but not in others. For example:

Cucumbers - these have to have the centers removed, but has no problem eating them grated in tzatiki, or sliced and prepared (without being deseeded) in fancy Japanese dishes.
Tomatoes - will eat with seeds removed, or will eat whole when cooked down to nothing. Cherry toms will not eat, unless on pizzas or bruschetta, but will not eat in roasted vegetable melee.
Mushrooms - eats large Portobello mushrooms, or chopped up very small but has started picking out bits of mushroom from dishes. But will eat on pizza.
Peppers - will only eat green peppers, unless it's on a pizza or in chilli. But that can change at the drop of a hat as the other day decided that cooked green peppers were no longer the acceptable.
Courgettes - will eat grated in pasta dishes, or cooked with feta as fritters, but will not eat sliced and cooked.

I could go on. You get the idea.

I believe that everyone has some 'get out of jail free' cards when it comes to foods. I don't like forcing foods on people if they genuinely don't like them (I hated mushrooms and parsnips as a child). But this chopping and changing depending on a whim has pissed me right off. It fucks up my meal planning, makes extra work, wastes money and is just ridiculous.

Today I stood my ground. We've had tears, we've had tantrums, we've had threats of pocket money withdrawal permanently. I put one piece of steamed courgette on the plate and insisted she could not get down until it was eaten.

I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.

Was I unreasonable?

Courgettes are fucking disgusting.

by god you won? You sound sad a controlling.

Today I stood my ground. We've had tears, we've had tantrums, we've had threats of pocket money withdrawal permanently. I put one piece of steamed courgette on the plate and insisted she could not get down until it was eaten.
I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.

I'm not sure what you think you won. This is pretty horrific. Something I would hear from my father when he talked about his mother, whom I never knew because they weren't close at all.

You keep a 15yr old at the table? Are they still asking to 'get down'?! I love this.

But I understand why you got cross!

isnt it interesting how in a different relationship this would be coercive control. I think it’s disgusting to force someone to put something in their mouth when they are so distressed and adamant they don’t want to, let alone a 15 year old. Very, very shit parenting, your daughter won’t forget this.

YABU. Her preferences don't seem that strange to me? Lots of foods taste/feel VERY different depending on how they're cooked/prepared. I myself like mushrooms sliced thin and sautéed, but not big squishy chunks. I also like tomatoes cooked, but not raw because the seed part is slimy. I don't think I'm hugely fussy! And any veg grated up is hugely different from big pieces. I wouldn't change my meal plans for her, she can sort herself out. But frankly you should be grateful she eats so much veg. My kid (ND) eats zero vegetables and I can't even hide them because he won't eat sauces :/

I will never forget when my mom forced my brother (also a teenager at the time) to eat a bite of sweet potatoes and he puked immediately all over his plate. She absolutely learned her lesson that day.

This is literally no reason why you should force her to eat something specific knowing she doesn't want it. I think you just wanted to "win".

Sometimes people don't like things. A 15 year old is old enough to make a sandwich if she doesn't like what's for dinner. Get over it your desire to control her because it won't do your relationship any favors.

My grandmother did this to me with tomatoes when I was at primary school. I still remember nearly vomiting, I still can’t eat tomatoes, and it affected my relationship with her forever.

Pathetic of you. She’ll remember this as an adult and she’ll judge you.

Controlling much

I’m amazed she buckled, says something about how under your thumb she is. Wouodnt be at all surprised if you’re dealing with her running off to be with a controlling partner in a year or two

Lol nc is going nuclear from a fussy brat.

You were a complete dick. HTH.

Also, could not get down is mad. Like she's still in a high chair. Poor kid.

I'm with her. There are foods I like only in particular contexts. Luckily I'm an adult and get to make my.own food choices. But I did extend some grace to my very similar daughter when she was a teenager. She was also excellent at taking turns in the kitchen, which helped increase the proportion of acceptable choices.

I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.
Was I unreasonable?

MASSIVELY. She will never forgive you for making such a big deal of one bit of food. How do I know? Because I've never forgiven for all the times I was forced to sit by some revolting and congealing food that made me feel sick to even look at. It is a ridiculous and pointless waste of everyone's time making a fuss and coercing someone you're supposed to love to eat something they don't want. It's abusive and controlling.

I don't know what you think you've won but you've gained nothing, and lost a lot of respect.

I couldn't make any of my kids eat something they don't like even if I pinned them down and forced it in their mouths (I'd get punched probably)

YABU.

You're not doing her any good making food a battleground.

Just cook what you want to cook and she can eat what bits she likes out of it, or do something for herself.

She's 15, not a toddler, not that you should force a toddler to eat things either.

This is nuts. She is 15!! I’m surprised she didn’t just tell you to fuck off! Were you having a bad day or taking something out on her? This just sounds truly horrible and like bullying behaviour from you. This will likely affect your relationship for years to come as sadly she won’t forget this. How would you feel if someone else did this to your daughter and she was crying and distressed? Eg a boyfriend or friend? You’d be incensed and call them a bully.

Please don’t do this - my parents did similar . made to eat food I really don’t like and deliberately putting that food in the meal that I was forced to eat.

I would sit for hours with a cold plate in front of me or chewing for ages trying to swallow it. Had to clear my plate regardless that I was full. Its extremely damaging . I don’t have any eating disorder but I do weird stuff (according to DH) with food as a result .

Oh my lord you have too much time on your hands😃, leave her be, she's being a normal fussy teenager but it sounds like she will eat vegetables in some form, and if she's healthy, leave her be

Tbh I don't think it's the win you probably think it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was very much raised in the era of "you eat what you're given" (and if you don't you sit there until you be finished it or go hungry because "there are kids starving in Africa who'd be grateful for it" ).

I have always struggled with tastes and textures (though I am diagnosed ND and also runs deeper back to traumatic food related incidents when younger which I think has led to ARFID behaviours-apparently prior to that stuff happening I would eat anything as a young child).

I can for example eat tomato soup, I can eat tomatoes blended in a pasta sauce. I cannot at all eat a piece of uncooked tomato or chunks of it. Makes me physically feel sick.

I had an ex who just assumed I was a fussy eater and shamed me into trying various bits of salad (cucumber, lettuce, tomato etc). It literally led to me breaking down as I couldn't eat it.

I mean this with 100% honesty, if you told me, for a whole week, I could eat unlimited salad but nothing else. I would honestly prefer to starve for the week. I would honestly rather not have anything that go through trying to eat foods that trigger feelings and sensations of disgust. I genuinely WOULD NOT and could not eat it.

So tbh actually as a nearly 40 year old, I haven't as my mother assumed "grown out of it" I still very much struggle with it. The difference is as an adult nobody is forcing me to eat food I can't eat. Which yes means my diet is pretty limited. But I just with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fair enough in my opinion. We all have to eat at least one piece of a veg we don't like (plus extra of a different veg) in our house and everyone else gets a full portion. It's a basic expectation, applies to adults and children alike, and no-one is massively fussy.

Not accomodating the cook to some extent is disrespectful. And a 15 year old isn't old enough to be trusted with sensible food choices. Food (and screen time) should be controlled by parents in order to teach healthy behaviour and limits. Putting a line in the sand and expectations in place is okay I think. You sound kind and caring to me.

You haven’t won anything. You’ve just shown yourself up to be a nasty bully. Forcing someone to eat something they don’t want to is a bloody awful thing to do.

Don’t be so proud of yourself. They say pride comes before a fall.

I find it crazy that some parents think it’s ok to force food on a kid. Nobody would force their partner to eat something they didn’t want to - for obvious reasons…

I only had ND kids. One is fine with most foods and one is really particular, I just work round it, if I really want something she doesn’t like, she’ll say no probs I’ll get beans on toast and she’ll make / clean it up herself. I want her to have a good relationship with food. She eats a reasonable diet and understands what a good diet consist of

I don’t understand why you decided to bully your daughter about a piece of courgette. It wasn’t a nice thing to do to her.