To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

[NotWinstonChurchill]

To have made my teenager eat a piece of courgette?

15! year old daughter (NT) has become increasingly fussy with regards to vegetables. And it's got to the point where she will eat some things in some dishes, but not in others. For example:

Cucumbers - these have to have the centers removed, but has no problem eating them grated in tzatiki, or sliced and prepared (without being deseeded) in fancy Japanese dishes.
Tomatoes - will eat with seeds removed, or will eat whole when cooked down to nothing. Cherry toms will not eat, unless on pizzas or bruschetta, but will not eat in roasted vegetable melee.
Mushrooms - eats large Portobello mushrooms, or chopped up very small but has started picking out bits of mushroom from dishes. But will eat on pizza.
Peppers - will only eat green peppers, unless it's on a pizza or in chilli. But that can change at the drop of a hat as the other day decided that cooked green peppers were no longer the acceptable.
Courgettes - will eat grated in pasta dishes, or cooked with feta as fritters, but will not eat sliced and cooked.

I could go on. You get the idea.

I believe that everyone has some 'get out of jail free' cards when it comes to foods. I don't like forcing foods on people if they genuinely don't like them (I hated mushrooms and parsnips as a child). But this chopping and changing depending on a whim has pissed me right off. It fucks up my meal planning, makes extra work, wastes money and is just ridiculous.

Today I stood my ground. We've had tears, we've had tantrums, we've had threats of pocket money withdrawal permanently. I put one piece of steamed courgette on the plate and insisted she could not get down until it was eaten.

I won. It took half a hour, but by God I won.

Was I unreasonable?

Yeah, absolutely. Makes the child pick up their own toys. Make their own bed. Bring their own laundry downstairs.

Don't be bloody daft.

I make my 5 year old eat things all the time. Not sure what age that stops though. Made him have three bites of okonomoyaki the other day. Made him eat seeded bread which he admitted was good. He eats what we eat with the exception of a few get out of jail cards. No separate meals is a firm rule for us.

Yabu. Steamed courgette is the rankest vegetable you could possibly have chosen 🤢

And steaming it is the worst way you could have possibly prepared it!

OMG, this has to be PEAK mumsnet!

Corgette abuse says child! Social Services intervene.

Okay, you won the battle. But is she now sitting there saying "Gosh mum! Thanks for that! Turns out I adore courgette and will eat it without complaint every day forever now!"

No. I didn't think so.

You may think she's being ridiculous but when it's cut and cooked differently the flavours and the textures change. She's not being ridiculous. And is it so terrible if she picks bits of mushroom out of thinks if she's otherwise happy to eat the meal?

No, she should try harder but you could find better ways/recipes. For instance courgettes with tomatoes, garlic and grilled cheese are lush

If this is true what you did was disgusting. Nothing to be proud of. You sound ignorant.

What is it you think you've won here?

She wont suddenly like the food just because you've forced her to eat it and made her upset. If anything it'll make the issues worse.

Cook the food as is, she can pick out what she doesn't want or make herself something different.

People's tastes in food can change all the time - and sometimes the textures of the same food served in different ways can make it seem like a different thing altogether.

You don't sound very kind or patient.

Force feeding children does not make them like things. Looks at the research!! Anyone who says otherwise is acting anecdotally.

Shame on you. How horrible must your child have felt in those stand off moments.

My daughter is 12 and I wouldn't force her to eat anything. Tastes change and mature and not everyone likes everything. Your daughter is old enough to vocalise her likes/dislikes. I don't understand why you'd think you know her body better than her.

There seems to be some weird power play here which is really sad

Studies show that force feeding children is more likely to lead to eating disorders than a varied diet.
You need to apologise and unclench.
Encourage a healthy diet, limit treats and try to get veg etc in where you can but without threats/shame.
Also google Afrid and see if she meets the symptoms

What did you win?

At 15 with no previous underlying ND and having eaten well before, probably not unreasonable. Probably wouldn’t do it again though Just serve what you are going to serve everyone else anyway. She can go without if she wants. She’ll get over it .

I allowed each household member 5 no eat items, it’s worked - by teens years my fussy one ate most veg. I’m with you with chopping and changing

YABU. It sounds like a textural issue, completely normal to have those sort of preferences so I think you should give her a break. She’s unreasonable to drop these preferences on you last minute though, and she should be helping out with food prep if she’s going to be particular about how she eats certain vegetables.

I can’t believe you forced her to eat steamed courgette though. What a bland, soggy and tasteless hill to die on.

Im surprised no one has said this is abusive yet, although I could have missed it.

Fast forward a few years and shes tells you her partner did this to her. What would you say then?

It's not even like it was an integral part of the meal you'd just made. You chose to put it on her plate and chose to force her to eat it. And somehow feel big about that?

Jesus feckin ' Christ you are insane!

I could eat some courgette fried in a stir fry or maybe mixed in with other veg and meat in some other dish but not steamed all on its own- that sounds rank. I also don’t eat any kind of uncooked tomatoes on their own but will eat cooked tomatoes or tomatoes on bruschetta. Food tastes different in different ways. I can understand it’s annoying when cooking but she either picks it out or she helps cook. Force feeding her will make no difference at all. Do you think she’s going to love steamed courgette from now on and suddenly decide she likes cucumbers?! You really didn’t win and you are definitely BU.

I hear you OP

People will tell you here their kids eat everything because their parents were so chill but in reality likely live off chicken nuggets

YANBU to be annoyed about her being so fussy, but you must see this was a pretty shit way of dealing with it!

I don't really understand how her fussiness "fucks up my meal planning, makes extra work, wastes money and is just ridiculous."

Just cook things and she can pick the bits she doesn't like out. e.g. if you make "roasted vegetable melee" and she decides she doesn't want tomatoes, so what? She can eat the rest of it, the other people eating can have extra tomatoes, win win. At most 1/4 of a packet of tomatoes have been 'wasted,' so what, 20p? Is that really worth all this fuss?

Same with picking the mushrooms out of meals, as long as she's eating the rest of it, who cares. Nobody is saying to stop cooking bolognaise or whatever, just make it as normal and if she wants to pick the mushrooms out, let her crack on.
If she will only eat cucumbers with the centers removed, serve them up as normal and she can remove them herself, or not eat them. She's 15, for heaven's sake. She won't starve if she only eats 80 or 90% of a meal, and if she is hungry she can make herself some toast, porridge, or fruit.

You need to take the emotion out of this. You can't control exactly what she eats. You can control how you react.

What did you win?

You haven’t “won” anything - you’ve upset your daughter, she won’t have miraculously changed her eating habits, you haven’t gained anything by this.

What did you win, 'Dick of the year' award?

I’m just amazed that your 15 year old won’t ‘get down from the table’ without your permission!
I think it’s not a good idea to blackmail and co-erce your children into eating stuff they don’t want. It’s not a good model for healthy relationships, and rides roughshod over any concept of bodily autonomy.

I understand you’re annoyed by it but forcing someone to eat something g they don’t want to eat is a sure way to destroy their relationship with food.
It could also destroy their relationship with you.
You are so very unreasonable. Poor kid.

I don't know what you were hoping to achieve doing this but l was told when mine were very young, to pick my battles wisely . This doesn't seem like the hill to die on tbh @NotWinstonChurchill