AIBU to not rent a house to our relative?

[NewNameForThisWWYD]

We have some properties that we rent out. A couple of relatives have always had a problem with this and have taken every opportunity to tell us that we are terrible for adding to the issues with housing.

Now one of these relatives has split from her partner and is looking for a house to rent. She has asked us if she can rent from us and asked if she can do so at a cheaper rate or free to help her out. We have a property empty currently as we are having some work done on it. It will be ready in a couple of months so this relative could in theory move in then. Other relatives are putting pressure on us to help her, one even said we should let her stay in the house for free and completely ignoring the fact that this woman has been horrible to us over the years.

I want to say no. It’s a relative on my husband’s side and he is happy to say no but doesn’t care either way. Neither of us like this relative very much, she is very opinionated and has picked the fight about landlords with us many times at family events making a scene. Every time we see her she makes digs and negative comments. She has also made it known that she disapproves of other choices we’ve made and is generally just very judgemental. We see her at family events to keep the peace in the wider family but really wouldn’t care if she wasn’t in our lives.

She works in a career that pays well above average wage and has 2 children. The house she wants to rent from us has 4 bedrooms.

What would you do? Say no? Rent to her at market rate? Rent to her at a lower rate? Obviously my preference is to say no but I think this will cause issues with some other family members.

Say no. Say, truthfully, that you run this as a business and you're not in a position to reduce your annual income by letting her stay rent free, or below market rent, in 4 bedroom house. However, is she likes the property and wishes to rent it at market rent, the rent is £x. (Although I'd be dubious about doing this, as she may shaft you out of spite later.)

Edited to add: if the relatives pressuring you are so concerned for her, one could always sign a contract to be her guarantor (for market rate) or they could club together and give you a year's full rent in advance.

The argument that she needs the house so that the children don’t need to change school is one you need to turn around to your advantage OP. Depending on the age of the children you could be faced with supporting this woman by accepting a lower rent for the next 12 years as her children go through school. Clearly this is not sustainable for you financially.

say no. The renters’ rights bill is coming in to force in May - it’ll be very hard to evict (section 21 is being abolished).

That's way too generous! Are you the family member? The renters reform that’s about to come in gives tenants a lot more rights, they can't even be evicted for not paying rent. Tenants can only be evicted if the landlord wants to sell or use the house for themselves.

Don’t even think about it.

Never mix business with family and friends.

You never have to explain anything to anyone.

No is a complete sentence.

Don’t be held emotionally hostage.

You will fall out worse if she moves in.

Get in done. “No. That’s not going to work for us” Rinse and repeat.

FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) are very bad reasons to drive decisions. Your DH is comfortable with the decision. Expect her to kick off - but look at it as a bad weather day - it will past. Don’t add any complications to it with reasons or info which will only give her purchase. If your relative on-site is a mole - set up some viewings.

Tell her the terms and conditions of your mortgage mean you can’t rent to relatives. (Probably true anyway!)

No I wouldn’t rent to her even for money. You know it will end in tears (yours) if you do so take the hit now and both say NO.

Cheeky fucker isn't she?

I would say a definite no. She is already asking for below market rent, or even free (CF) I see trouble ahead if you agree, which could end up costing you dearly.
Your DH is not enamoured with her moving in, I say stick with him

I would rent it to her at a cheaper market rate because of the children and the fact that you’re quite confident that she wouldn’t shirk on paying the rent. But I definitely wouldn’t give it to her for free because it will be absolutely impossible to get her out!

Say no. There’s absolutely no reason why you should in effect give her some of your income every month, especially as she’s been so rude to you in the past. And if you were going to charge her market rent she could just as easily find somewhere else.

She would be a nightmare tenant.

@NewNameForThisWWYD I agree with most other posters here. DO NOT agree to this. Say no and don't be pressured/ emotionally blackmailed by her or other family members. This proposal has disaster written all over it.

You won't get her to move out, when the time comes, easily. You'll get flack from family members when the time comes when you need to sell the house or need her to move out for other reasons and that might be years and years down the track.

I would just bite the bullet now and stick to saying no. Mixing business and personal family affairs very rarely work out. If you say yes, i could almost be certain you will regret it

It sounds like there's going to be drama whatever your decision. Which drama would you like? That of other people not approving of your decision or the drama that will inevitably come around with actually paying the rent? What happens when you want her to move out?

You shouldn’t be shocked. Mumsnet generally doesn’t encourage women to make blatantly stupid decisions, or to fall victim to (unsophisticated) emotional blackmail. Don’t think you’ll be appreciated for renting the house to her, or that she’ll like you for it. She’ll take it as something she’s owed, and if anything resent you even more for it.

Children or not, she is not your problem. This is not your problem. Do not sign up to make it your problem, because it will blow up in your face and create the very thing you seem to be fearful of.

Saying no really isn’t something you need to turn into some big event. So what if some family members don’t like you saying no? Why do you need to care about upsetting them, when they clearly don’t mind burdening and upsetting you? You’re not a doormat, so don’t assume the role
of one.

If you give cheap rent surely you are actually subsidising the parents in finding appropriate housing for their kids, the "well earning" mother and the father.

Actually in this situation if you really feel that help is in order you would probably be better off making a financial contribution so they could rent somewhere else in the same area. It would be cleaner/have more separation and would save all the landlord/tenant hassle/interaction.

However don't be surprised if once you give one handout then you are on the hook for the next one, or made to look the evil party if you don't (no good deed ever goes unpunished, they will hate you for the future money your are not giving them, not thank you for the past money you did), and if you do it in terms of loan there is probably a high probability you won't see any of it back.

Don’t mix business with pleasure as they say. It will only end in tears.

I’m never one to side with landlords but absolutely no, she hasn’t even moved in and she’s already feeling entitled, asking for a lower rate, etc.

Just lie and say you already have it lined up for someone else. They have no way of knowing.

This. I don't usually advocate lying but in this situation I think its the easiest way to close it all down. And when you have a suitable tennant it wll be true.

That's a good concrete excuse. Invent some drainage work for good measure. But add something like you will keep an eye out if you see anything suitable for her and you hope she finds something.

It would be a very different matter if the house was empty for the summer and she was asking to house sit whilst she found something, but even then... and there's no end in sight. The other relative suggesting you lease it to her for nothing is actually suggesting you subsidise her to the tune of 10s of thousands. Don't let them pressurise you. But also, don't discuss it any further with them. They don't know what they are talking about.

I wouldn't enter into any discussion with her or any of your family about why or what she previously said because that is just opening an whole new can of worms and I guarantee will be spread about that you are the cruel villan of the piece, kicking her when she's down - thus..."@NewNameForThisWWYD said relative was blah blah blah and refused to rent to her! Even though they had an empty house" and so on... when if you say already signed contract, you can just repeat not available.

Easier and get's you less involved to say sorry not available. If she's causing you this much stress now..and you already know her reputation, imagine what she'd be like six months in. Not grateful but entitled and difficult.

Your family knows far too much about your business, if they react like this. Start grey rocking the subject and never raise it with any of them again. Close it down with prepared phrases like "I hear what you are saying." don't give opinions when they talk about landlords etc.. this will blow over if you are steadfast about not feeding the flames.

Also. Its your DH relative and he says he doesn't want to let to them.. so let him deal with the queries. Keep well out of it.

Are you joking!?

She's wanting to freeload off you. You can tell it a mile off. My DH's family are the same. I know for a fact that in a few years time my SIL will have primed her children to be all paly-paly with mine so that they could get mates rates at the place we are intending to buy for ours. They are setting the scene now. I have had words with my children and the answer will be a big fat no

I would knock 50 quid off the rent because she's family, you are confident she will pay. Then rent it to her and feel smug that she can't make comments anymore without looking foolish at having taken advantage of your hospitality. I would make sure she knows that you could fill it 10 X over at market rate so she knows you are doing her a massive favour and she can't spin it the other way around.

Totally get why you wouldn't want to but for the sake of the kids I would... and I am sure she is aware of how horrible she's been to you about being landlords in the past, so it would also probably shut her up in future (she must realise how humbling this is!). I'm not usually one for the "kill them with kindness" stuff (it usually just means "put up with shit and smile") but this one does seem kind of delicious.

Definitely put all the usual legal stuff in place though (I'm sure you would) and don't give her preferential treatment.

All these posters saying to do it for the children. They have parents to put a roof over their heads ffs! If Op let's her move in she'll never get her out!

You will never get rid of her if you let her move in.

Please protect yourself and say no.

I'd say no because she will be a nightmare tenant.

Just say it isn't available because it is having work done which will take months and months and and you might sell it.

How do they all know so much about your properties and which are empty etc etc? I would not share any info with any relatives in this sort of family.