AIBU to not rent a house to our relative?

[NewNameForThisWWYD]

We have some properties that we rent out. A couple of relatives have always had a problem with this and have taken every opportunity to tell us that we are terrible for adding to the issues with housing.

Now one of these relatives has split from her partner and is looking for a house to rent. She has asked us if she can rent from us and asked if she can do so at a cheaper rate or free to help her out. We have a property empty currently as we are having some work done on it. It will be ready in a couple of months so this relative could in theory move in then. Other relatives are putting pressure on us to help her, one even said we should let her stay in the house for free and completely ignoring the fact that this woman has been horrible to us over the years.

I want to say no. It’s a relative on my husband’s side and he is happy to say no but doesn’t care either way. Neither of us like this relative very much, she is very opinionated and has picked the fight about landlords with us many times at family events making a scene. Every time we see her she makes digs and negative comments. She has also made it known that she disapproves of other choices we’ve made and is generally just very judgemental. We see her at family events to keep the peace in the wider family but really wouldn’t care if she wasn’t in our lives.

She works in a career that pays well above average wage and has 2 children. The house she wants to rent from us has 4 bedrooms.

What would you do? Say no? Rent to her at market rate? Rent to her at a lower rate? Obviously my preference is to say no but I think this will cause issues with some other family members.

Stick to your guns OP, you are not a charity. She has already displayed her true colours in glorious technicolour by being so nasty about you. Dont let the family bamboozle you either

Never mix business and relatives.

Are all other family members gifting her at least £800 a month ( am sure you rent for more than that) or is it just you who is expected to give nearly a £1k sum monthly. And fix any damage caused and keep property updated?

This. Regardless of her situation and actually regardless of how nasty/nice she is - mixing business and family is inherently risky.

Any sort of business and friend/ family just don’t mix.

I would tell her no no fucking chance whatsoever. If she asks why I'd say remember all the absolutely vile things that you said to us over the years and the judgy nasty that you've said and now you expect us to put you up for free or reduced rate? hell no .This property is part of our income. Anybody else in the family has got something to say about it tell them to mind their own business.
just because her husband cheated on her doesn't mean to say that you have to provide you with a free house.

It’s a bit different, since we were working abroad while renting our house out via an agency. Other expats who were renting theirs to family or friends, said we were mad to be paying 15% or whatever it was, to the agency.

But almost without exception, they had a huge amount of trouble/hassle with them - not paying the rent/trashing the place/refusing to move out (even with loads of notice) when the owners were returning and needed their house back.

One friend who’d left a BiL to manage their house, came back to find it was about to be repossessed - the BiL hadn’t been paying the mortgage, had used the rent to install his mistress in another property!!

So no, OP, I’d run a mile from renting to family or friends.

I wouldn’t rent to her under any circumstances. She’s a CF to ask for it rent free and if you do let her in chances are she will abuse your generosity to her own advantage. Say no and rent it to a larger family when the refurbishment is completed.

No! It's the family link that is going to be the problem, and it's his family.

HE has to be the one who says no. It won't matter that you tell them it's his decision. They'll still blame you.

It doesn't matter that you're the person who runs the rental business. He has to step up and give the bad news. He's opting out. It doesn't matter that he's away at the moment. He can still make a WhatsApp call to the family member, or send an email.

Your rentals are business. Your business brain is saying NO! Do not rent to her! Learn from my mistake. Do not mix business with family, especially if that family are in the "all landlords are evil" category.

Because of my stupid soft heart, a six month "family rate" agreement turned into a very expensive, three year, stress filled ordeal and a falling out amongst those who took sides.

good outcome OP

Definitely never rent to family! My sister rented to my brother and treated him shockingly (I’m not saying you would) but had she rented to anyone else she’d not got away with renting out substandard housing!

I agree.

And you are already the bad guy before this even started, from the comments you have from both the would be renter and your other relative.

She opened her rental offer negotiations at free - even if she said it was a joke. Then mentioned at a discount.... I think that means than any discount - which would mean she was paying more than free - wouldn't ever be good enough.

She thinks you can easily afford it and therefore you owe her.. and the other relative is encouraging this.. .so they both think if they lean on you, make you feel guilty, you will cave to avoid their disapproval and the flak back they will kick up. But if she had to pay anything, she would still regard it as more than free and that she was subsidising your income and still think that you owe her because of it.

But as the above pp noted... they are already disapproving of you, being rude to your face... and it sounds like they will find things to complain about even in a free house as they think all landlords are exploitative.

So although you may fear the backlash, you're already experiencing it... so you have nothing to lose.

You could help the family out in other ways.. one off help that you are willing to offer and that doesn't tie you into a long term, disadvantageous and difficult business relationship.

Absolutely no way should you rent to her. Sounds like a total nightmare and a headache waiting to happen, much worse than if you just don’t rent to her.

If you have a choice between guilt and resentment, always choose guilt!

Don’t do it! After pressure from family we rented our rental to a niece & her partner. It was a disaster. They thought rent was ootional as we are family. We no longer speak to her.

Of course NO! She’s a cunt to you. It’s really that simple.

My thought process would go...

No (for your reasons).

But the children, so maybe.

But not at a discounted rate when you could have someone else paying full rent, especially given her previous comments.

But how likely is it that she'd default on rent, or pay late and expect you to just suck it up? Be lenient? You're family, after all, and you know what she thinks of landlords...

So, back to no.

Fuck that, you'll NEVER get rid of her. Shell end up rattling around your brain more than is comfortable OP.

Those family members who protest. Tell them to house her if they're that bothered.

2 birds with one stone opportunity this. You get to say no to her AND she'll probably never speak to you again.

Wins all round IMO.

Also remember that no good deed goes unpunished.

Absolutely not.
You will never get rid of her and she will become more entitled.

Say you don't mix business and family as you don't want to fall out!

Short answer…. No!

After 25 years in this business I can promise you that no good deed goes unpunished. Literally every time I see a landlord do this it backfires and, despite my better judgement and knowing this, I tried to help my PIL before Christmas and they currently live in one of my mothers rentals and that’s all gone to shit as well. A great reminder to me to follow my own advice and never waiver on it!

Don’t do it, however hard you think it is now and however much grief you will take it will be infinitely less grief than doing it and it going wrong will buy you.

Gosh it must be so tempting to reply to the family pushing this "she has always been horrible to us so would be a nightmare tenant"

Absolutely not.
I wouldn't want to have dealings like that with someone so comfortable being a rude opinionated person.
It is not your job to house her.
Any pushback from it, tell your husband to deal with it.
I would start keeping your business a lot more private.

Some relatives and friends can be the most difficult people to deal with.
My friend was pressurised by her husband to allow his sister and family use a holiday home she inherited.
They were very very careless and the row it caused was awful.
It really tested her marriage.
Her husband was taken aback by her fury as she is a calm person.
It will never be loaned again and she has told the rest of her inlaws this, because of his sisters behaviour, when they asked shortly afterwards to use it.
This was her happy place growing up and she felt huge pressure from her husband to say yes.
Never again.
Not worth it.
I havd loaned our holiday home to my best friend regularly, no one else.

Definitely not, they’ll pressure you to reduce the rent and you’ll never get rid of her. And that’s before we’ve addressed the irony of them lecturing you for having rental properties… until they need one!

Just tell her the works will be going on for a while… hopefully she’ll need somewhere sooner rather than later

No way. She’ll deliberately get into arrears and can you imagine how difficult it would be to get her out?