Was I greedy to expect more?

[ChangePrivacyQuestion]

Please excuse me, got a slight cold, so might actually be totally unreasonable here.

Had a big birthday yesterday.

My husband got all flabbergasted when I expected anything, seeing that we went for a Sunday lunch on Mother's day, and I got a present and a card "from DD(2)". When I reminded him I could just celebrate father's day in lieu of his birthday, he went out and got me a small Tesco cake and a B&Q voucher. Just opened my email and there's an afternoon tea voucher from MIL, bought this morning.

My own parents forgot to call until today. One sister called yesterday, 2 texted, brother ignored me (but nothing new there).

3 friends texted, 1 is excused (dealing with cancer), the others... nothing.

I work in an office where never a week goes by without a kitty and a card signature. Big birthdays usually get you a balloon, too. There's a spreadsheet with everyone's birthday and I got asked what I'm doing for mine. Yesterday - not so much as a dm.

Am I right in thinking sod it - next year I'm taking DD and going to Rome and to xyz with the rest of them?

I admit I'm disappointed.

Don’t give him the B&q voucher
he’d like that
I’d suggest a voucher for a wax and pedicure for his big day.

A back sack and crack wax voucher at the local beauty salon for his Big Day.

My boss got his wife an electric toothbrush for Christmas once but the B&Q voucher is worse.

This is all a bit shit and I don't expect a big fuss on my birthday. I'd be disappointed too.

Happy birthday from all of us.

I’d be disappointed and hurt with dh and work as well.

Remember to get him a Bodyshop voucher for his birthday.

Never mind Rome next year, I would be booking it this year just you and DD. He can spend the B and Q voucher

for his birthday I would put in as much effort, so perhaps a Tescos voucher?

Can understand you feeling that way it seems you were forgotten all round. I’d be most upset with hubby and parents followed by work. But then my MIL never ever showed much effort for my birthday I’d be delighted with an afternoon tea late or not, and my brother is very forgetful - if he’s not reminded- he will forget. You should definitely organise something yourself. My husband’s presents and effort got worse each year until I started matching his energy. The year he “forgot” I also “forgot”. Strangely enough his effort increased the following year. He’s never forgotten since. Although he still seemed to expect a big party for a major birthday so I casually pointed out I also had a big birthday coming and I should get a big party too. He dropped that idea fast! So if I was you this year I’d be getting him a voucher for somewhere that took no thought or effort. But given your hubbys reaction I’d be aware that if you go away without him he’s likely to do the same for his birthday and have a lads trip. He’ll use the fact that you did similar rather than getting the point you were trying to make. Not saying you shouldn’t go, just be aware he might not take it in the manner you intend.

If you want to go to Rome get it booked and take DD as a belated birthday present. Make it special for yourself.

then when you get back, book in next years trip for you & DD

everyone around you sounds pretty useless

Jesus OP. Sorry for the poor show.

i had a big birthday 3 weeks ago, and although my DP jokingly grumbled on Sunday that Mothers Day was too close to my birthday, he meant from a thinking of gifts perspective.
they are two completely separate events, and should be celebrated as such.
Mother’s Day is for a card and a token gift, and I’d be very disappointed (finances depending, of course) not to have been a bit more spoilt than that on my birthday, especially a ‘big’ one.

why on earth has everyone completely over looked it?!

YANBU.
I usually try look on the bright side and defend my partner (in my head) but I’m having a bad day today and I was just thinking about this this morning- for Mother’s Day I ordered myself a charm for my bracelet. I do this for every special occasion. Sometimes I pick it out and send him the link, but then I need to keep reminding him to buy it and sometimes they sell out so I often just buy it myself. He didn’t get me a card or a box of chocolates or anything. Dd made me a card which was lovely. I did it with her. I took dd to my mums house so I didn’t even get a break.
I have really been trying to be positive about our relationship but it just sort of hit me yesterday, he never really says anything nice to me anymore, he won’t even slow down when he’s walking so I have to practically run to keep up with him,
anything like carrying a heavy bag for me has long gone out the window. I only noticed when I was pregnant and he temporarily started doing it again. He’s not really bothered about being affectionate or anything if I’m really honest. He sleeps in the evening instead of spending time with me so I’m sat there on my own watching telly or whatever. He couldn’t care less when I’m sick. He literally makes no effort.
Sorry for derailing and blathering on about myself. I hope your dh is generally better.
I think I’m just done now. I won’t be buying myself anything in future. I’m just not bothered anymore.
I don’t know why so many men are like this but it’s very common and not your fault.
Take your trip to Rome next year. It sounds like you deserve it x

Why would a slight cold affect your reasoning?

I'm really sorry for everyone's thoughtlessness, it must hurt. Book that trip to Rome, sod em. My db died on my 50th birthday, so that was a pretty awful "big birthday" as well, so you're not alone.💐

You can buy a patio to bury him under with the B&Q voucher. What an arsehole. Don’t wait until next year for your trip, go this year! Preferably with him paying

splutter 😂

Please do this, OP! And then report back to us. 😂

B&Q voucher? For your wife's big birthday? I must be ungrateful too, because I'd have thrown it at him. Actually no, you should hang onto it and give it back to him for his birthday.

^ This

I wouldn’t expect anything from anyone - in my friendship group if you want to organise a lunch or dinner you do it yourself. My sisters would send an ecard (they live in a different country)Work colleagues- seems odd that they knew it was yours but didn’t do anything if that’s the norm- are you more senior than the rest? But your DH - no excuses there.

Why wait till next year, go now, what a dick your husband is. Sounds like MIL is the most considerate.

For his birthday buy him the same cake and a voucher for Claire’s accessories or something equally girly. When he says anything just raise one eyebrow. No words needed.

@ChangePrivacyQuestion that B&Q voucher would be being regifted for his birthday (maybe having spent some of it on a nice pot plant so there isn’t quite enough to get anything good) along with the most boring and inappropriate card it looks like you pulled out the back of a drawer.

Enjoy Rome, it’s an amazing place, just wear comfortable shoes (a lot of walking).

If work got you nothing then do nothing in return. Fuckers.
as for your husband - a b and q vouchers…you kidding!
unless there is a surprise party this weekend I would be so upset and not forgive easily

I’m generally not that fussed about birthdays and find some of the grabby attention seeking behaviour on here round them bemusing.

But good god, a B&q voucher, who wants that,it’s household budget spend. wtf would you buy yourself as a treat down B&q?

It’s rhe second worse one I’ve seen on here. The worst still remains the woman whose husband presented her with a pork pie.

I'm sorry the people around you have been so thoughtless. Your family should have done something for you and your husband should have planned something. Also agree that if your work havn't bothered to get you anything, i would stop contributing to future collections. I would also make a comment when there's another collection at work- something along the lines of "oh are we still doing birthday gifts, i thought we had stopped doing that as I just had my (insert big birthday)" Someone out of your friends and family should have taken the lead and planned something. I would just go ahead and treat yourself to whatever you wanted as a gift to yourself. Go away for the weekend, buy yourself something nice and treat yourself I say

My first h 'forgot' my 40th birthday. He had the nerve to complain to me I didn't remind him. I was going to visit my sister the following weekend so I got myself a very nice bracelet on the joint card.