Was I greedy to expect more?

[ChangePrivacyQuestion]

Please excuse me, got a slight cold, so might actually be totally unreasonable here.

Had a big birthday yesterday.

My husband got all flabbergasted when I expected anything, seeing that we went for a Sunday lunch on Mother's day, and I got a present and a card "from DD(2)". When I reminded him I could just celebrate father's day in lieu of his birthday, he went out and got me a small Tesco cake and a B&Q voucher. Just opened my email and there's an afternoon tea voucher from MIL, bought this morning.

My own parents forgot to call until today. One sister called yesterday, 2 texted, brother ignored me (but nothing new there).

3 friends texted, 1 is excused (dealing with cancer), the others... nothing.

I work in an office where never a week goes by without a kitty and a card signature. Big birthdays usually get you a balloon, too. There's a spreadsheet with everyone's birthday and I got asked what I'm doing for mine. Yesterday - not so much as a dm.

Am I right in thinking sod it - next year I'm taking DD and going to Rome and to xyz with the rest of them?

I admit I'm disappointed.

Yup, B&Q voucher. Notwithstanding that gardening is, of course, his domain 🙄. Things haven't exactly been great since DD was born (classic, I know), but I did expect a little more than this!

It was talked about. He knew it really wanted a day in Kew Gardens (my favourite place), maybe with lunch. I hinted at the new Pullman book for ages. Nothing.

It's a bit sad you even thought you were asking for too much actually.

Let's arrange a Mumsnet trip to Kew Gardens!! 😁

“Wow husband, you’re really spoiling me with this B&Q voucher. Now what to buy. Drill bits or a toilet seat?”

ffs.

Wow a B&Q voucher is worse than nothing!

I really would be plain with him -

“I don’t want a B&Q voucher - that’s clearly for yourself. You keep that. I want the new PP book and a day in Kew Gardens. We will go to Kew X date and you will buy lunch with a big smile on your face and a good grace, as it’s the least I deserve. Please buy me the book and something thoughtful to apologise”

Sounds like DD is very young from your update so I maybe revise the idea of going to Rome just yet - depending on what you want to do.

Work colleagues also very thoughtless but there’s less you can do about that, save for detaching and not getting involved with any future gifts.

Same for me at work, I’ve arranged big birthday collections in the past but not a word when mine has come around so I wouldn’t contribute to a birthday collection again.
I also know the miserable ones who don’t ever put any money in so wouldn’t contribute to anything for them.
Are your family and friends always this rubbish? It would affect how I addressed future birthdays in future- especially for your husband. Awful of him! Give him the voucher back, ask what on earth you would want that for. It’s a special birthday you’re going to Kew Gardens

DH uselessness aside, it’s odd that work didn’t do anything. Might be worth mentioning to whoever is in charge of the spreadsheet / cards etc. even if it stops someone else getting upset for the same thing. But also I’d bet they’d feel awful and want to do something for you.

Awful that he let this slide. You do need to tell him properly, give him the chance to plan the day out, buy the book and never ever mess up another occasion again!! 🤞🏻

I fear this may be more than thoughtlessness OP. Obviously only you know if he’s always been a bit shit with birthdays but on the face of it it sounds like he just doesn’t like you very much

Happy belated birthday 💐
You already know you are worth so much more in effort and time.
With work, I would mention it to whoever usually compiles the spreadsheet/ organises the collection and card. I would also no longer contribute to future collections. Very thoughtless to overlook your special day.
Your family sound mean and thoughtless, I would match their efforts going forward.
You already know this but your H sounds absolutely horrid. If I were you, I would treat myself to the Pullman book and a day out to Kew with lunch or dinner with someone who actually wants to celebrate with me.
Keep the B & Q voucher and re gift to him on his birthday.

I think u should keep that voucher til it expires then give it back to him on his birthday !!!!
I am absolutely shocked when I hear these kinda things on Mumsnet !
Having already discussed what u wanted to do and he didn't make any effort makes me think he is either selfish stupid or he hates you !!
I have a big one coming up this summer my DH is constantly badgering me what I want and what I want to do lol 😁 and my kids !
I'm not actually bothered but he will be buying me an expensive piece of jewellery when I find what I'm looking for !! And he is ok with that but he actually wants to make an effort and spoil me !!
Happy special birthday go and have fun with a close person u absolutely love the most and treat yourself X X X x

Sorry OP, it sounds really shitty from all involved xx

Happy Birthday

Obviously we’re all adults now but my DM reminds us jokingly each year that Mothers Day and her birthday are entirely separate events! So yeah, we’ll be doing the whole card and gift thing again in a couple of days

Agree with this about work. If they then just don’t bother, I wouldn’t be contributing to any more colleagues birthdays in future.

And your DH is a dickhead. A bloody B&Q voucher?!? Book yourself on that trip now. Or a spa day at the very least. and match his energy for his bday, same goes for your family.

Happy Birthday OP 🎁

I am gobsmacked. I think I'd give him back the B&Q voucher and tell him I was taking the equivalent out of the joint account to buy something I want!

I love the idea of regifting the B and Q voucher on his birthday!

My birthday is at an awkward time where everyone is busy with family and too broke to bother. Every year I hope someone does something nice, every year I’m disappointed.

I’ve decided this year I’m booking a city break for myself. I’d rather spend the day doing nice things than anxious about whether or not anyone remembers I exist.

Happy belated birthday, OP. I’m sorry you weren’t made to feel special. Take yourself off to Rome as soon as possible, this time of year is perfect.

No more contributing to work kitties, horrible gits.

That really is crao. I do find work birthdays can be quite unfair as there will always be someone who us forgotten. I think that should be knocked on the head. But a card would have been nice from your workmates. Your husband & family sound pretty thoughtless

Wow, that's really poor on your DH's part. It's not like you were demanding a private jet for a weekend shopping in New York!

For DH's recent 40th we had family celebrations on the closest weekend and then went on holiday for a week with the DC to somewhere he'd always wanted to go.

ETA: I'd say something about the lack of recognition at work. Just "I was sad that my 30/40th birthday was forgotten yesterday. Now the team is bigger (if this is true), I suggest we stop doing birthday cards and collections to avoid the risk of a repeat and someone else feeling left out. Thankyou Nancy for organising all these years ❤️"

Well in that case there’s no excuse. I’d spend the B&Q vouchers on a new lock for the front door and tell him to fuck off.

Yes, that’s a pretty lame present @ChangePrivacyQuestion

Can you book your trip for the upcoming Easter holidays?

At least the lack of effort from anyone means you can now sit back and do f-all, guilt free, on theirs now and forever!

I also like the idea of re gifting the B&Q voucher to him!