To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

OP I’m sorry about the job. Respectfully it sounds like you thought the process was showjumping and that, all things considered you were the favourite.

By your own admission it was the interview questions that let you down. Unless you had pre-sight of them, it was a level playing field as everyone had 30 minutes to think on their feet.

Are you suggesting they should have had extra scores for did job previously?

If you genuinely feel the process was unfair, beyond it should have been you/I’ve a lot going on (as do most people unfortunately, life is hard and losing your Mum is tough) - then raise a grievance. Risk is you’ll look bitter and daft potentially.

All the reasons you cite for now taking sick leave begs the Q, that being the case, if your MH is so poor which sounds like it is, how would you have coped with FT more demanding role anyways given last time you did it you weren’t a Mum, and had your own?

It’s really tough, don’t mean to be harsh but look at it another way. If you are gracious in defeat, get your head down, wish the new candidate well and are breezy (feel what you feel but don’t let them see it)… well if she’s as bad as you say, it will only be a matter of time before it’s back up.

Civil Service also great for pension so don’t do anything too rash. Plus mind Mgt roles can be a total PIA. You can enjoy more stress free time with your son for a little longer.

Their loss for now…

And yet, you didn’t rehearse the STAR stuff, whatever that is.

C’mon now op, if you knew how interviews are conducted and scored, you should have prepped accordingly. This is on you, not anyone else.

Agreed.

Why would you expect time during the working day to prepare to interview for another job? Surely a week to prepare in your own time is totally standard?

I think that’s a bit unfair, she’s just angry and embarassed, clearly wanting to go off sick, not preparing adequately and thinking you will get it as you did it six years ago, complaining you only had a week and needed the weekend too, doesn’t come across well, but sometimes people spiral, I assume she’d convinced herself she was getting it, and thays what’s led to the poor prep and the reaction now

Unfortunately I think you felt your experience and doing the job previously would swing things in your favour. Unfortunately as others have pointed out (and you say you are aware of) they have to be objective and do this based on the interview matrix and scoring system. If your score was lower than the successful candidate then that's how it is.

The only issue I see is that you were asked to take step down from the role 5 years ago, and this is where maybe you should have sought union advice over the legalities of this (and as others said contacted pregnant and then screwed) as this seems like the only dodgy thing that went on.

I think if you take time off now it will seem like sulking you didn't get the job, and depends how you want to come across.

I feel like if I had had more time I would have been able to get the presentation done and also had time to refresh my memory of the STAR stuff and prepare examples I guess.

This feels like a humiliation on top of the humiliation of the last five years being demoted to a more junior position and managed by my maternity cover.

Yes maybe legally they've done nothing wrong. But I do feel somewhat screwed over. The choice seems to be, don't have kids, have kids and go back to work full time, or have your career taken a massive nose dive.

Then you know you clearly didn't hit the scores needed! Surely you know how it works?

I’ve been in your situation before when I failed to get a job I should have been a shoo in for because I didn’t do a good interview. It was horrible at the time. For subsequent interviews I have rehearsed, rehearsed, rehearsed all the STAR examples. I’ve done lots of recruiting myself and it’s difficult not to give a job to someone who smashes the interview out of the park with clear answers and good examples. It feels personal to you at the moment but it probably isn’t if they have scoring matrix and take a strict approach to that.

If you need to be off you should go to your GP.

I don’t work on Fridays either but I always take a quick look at my emails- in a professional environment surely most people do this? All the more so if I was anticipating an interview.

But how much longer would you have wanted?

Cmon now, having a child is a choice, and millions of single mothers work full time. You chose the lower role. The more senior one couldn’t be done part time.

yes choosing a lower grade role part time will impact anyone who chooses that, male or female, for whatever reason, caring, health etc,

you made your choices, someone else is not to blame.

Unfortunately this is VERY common for women returning to work. The workplace is 100% discriminatory.

But you have sat in a job for 5 years where you were demoted. You could have got another job with another company at the same level as your previous job. You made the choice not to. You want it on a plate, no mother gets it on a plate you’re going to have to put the effort in. I will say though STAR is shite. I’ve lost jobs on that basis too but that’s just the way it is.

"going off sick" isn't a difficult choice you have make - if you're too unwell to go to work then you can't go to work. If you're well enough to go on but you'd rather not, then I'm afraid you do have to go.

But she was not discriminated against, and it’s very wrong to suggest she was.

3 months minus a day from date of last act of discrimination but (very rare) under think (!) rule 5 time can be extended if not reasonably practicable or just & equitable to do so to extend time…doesn’t matter really as don’t think applies in OPs case, just not had a ☕️ yet…

Taking time off for “mental health” in your case sort of proves their point, that you wouldn’t be able to cope with the more senior role currently. I’m wondering if the excuses you give here as to why it was a bad timing situation came across in the interview. But anyway a week is plenty of time to prep, the other person did a better presentation, sometimes we need to take it on the chin. I think you need to job hunt elsewhere

These days if people don't get what they want they stamp their feet, sue their employer or go off on the sick.
No wonder the country is so fucked.

I'm sorry you didn't get the job OP. There will be better opportunities out there for you.

But this doesn't feel like you simply struggling with mental health, this feels like you wanting to teach your employer a lesson.

And they will just think they made the right choice.

I think you are angry and upset about the job rejection and this is clouding your judgement right now. You might also be a bit angry with yourself at how you approached this. Give it a week or 2 and see how you feel with some distance.

You have blamed your employer for a lot of things that were your choice. You chose not to look at your emails on your nwd despite knowing you could have an interview slot. You chose not to do any prep that weekend - you could have pulled together competency examples in anticipation. You have a day off in the week so have more non-work time to interview prep than the full-timers.

Im not saying all this to get at you but I hope you can reflect and see you did have agency here and nothing you have written suggests you were treated badly by your employer.

I didn't prepare properly and forgot about the STAR stuff. Feel like crap.

It sounds like you expected a lot from your employer - time to prepare the presentation, an awareness of your personal circumstances but that’s not realistic in a recruitment process that will likely involve external candidates.

It’s shit but it sounds like the timing was all wrong for you, and I wonder how able you’d be to move into a new role given the other challenges you have just now. You sound sore, understandably so, but you know it’s what happens on the day rather than their knowledge of you day to day that matters. If you need time off then take it but try to separate that from not getting the job, because you’ll drive yourself mad.

It’s usually public sector jobs where people go off sick I’ve noticed. Less pull to do so if you’re not being paid in full.

None of what you’ve said in your OP is unfair. I actually laughed at a couple of things like only having a week to prepare and complaining about not being given time at work to create a presentation.

“they gave the job to the best candidate, I’m sorry that wasn’t you and doing it five years ago doesn’t mean it is still you or you’re entitled to it.”

Largely bollocks. They gave it to the person that interviewed best on the day. Doesn’t mean the person is better at the actual role or a good fit.

You can’t predict the future Op. Have a vision about what you want and work towards it. Maybe a side hustle if it’s money or take a sabbatical and take your son on an adventure in the summer. Whatever you want. Don’t dwell.

Maybe it's not a good time to take on more work or a higher grade. I'm working really fucking hard to hold everything together, do well at work, look after my child on my own (who is awaiting an autism assessment), deal with my mum's death, support my dad through it too, be a good supportive friend, deal with being talked down to at work due to choosing to go part time. I have not let my work suffer and have thrown myself into it. But I forgot about the STAR stuff and was unprepared for the questions. I prepared so much for my presentation and feel like it was really good (and have had feedback that it was), but didn't prepare well for the questions. Ffs