To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

I am an employment lawyer

Your work have done nothing wrong.

They have to go on interview performance on the day. I get interviews are shit, but if past performance was taken into account, then people who had not worked for a particular company before would be at a massive disadvantage.

Its nearly the weekend...take that time to do something lovely with your child, recharge and go back to work, knowing that you still have your job, which you were ok about in the original restructure.

I have been on the interview panel 3 times in my previous role at same place. I know what a scoring matrix is and looks like.

Everyone feels like this after a rejection OP. How you’re feeling is normal, let it ride out.

It sounds like you’re going through a lot personally, perhaps now isn’t the best time to take on a full time job anyway. Concentrate on yourself and your son. You’ll both be feeling the effects of the divorce and trying to establish a new normal.

Take time to breathe. To heal. Things will get better over time and if you want a promotion, it’ll happen. But now is a brutal time in the job market (it’s possible they were trying to offer to someone who’s lost their job?).

All the best. Try not to spiral, if you need a few days off to re-centre, take it as annual leave. You’ve got this.

Been there done that. important for civil service interviews to prepare well on the STAR stuff.

‘I don't see why this wasn't given more weight’.

That’s just not how civil service interviews work.

Your frustration about your current place is clear!

Do you have other job options? If so would focus on working towards that.

It’s time to move on OP. Taking time off isnt going to make this situation better. Being proactive and finding a new opportunity elsewhere will. There are other jobs out there, you just need to be brave enough to go for it.

If you have been on panels. know the scoring etc then once you get past the disappointment and frustration with the system and your workplace and managers, you might see that you’re being unreasonable about the interview outcome when you didn’t do well on the questions.

If you’ve been on an interview panel then you should have known the importance of ‘the Star stuff or whatever that is’.

I think you winged that part of the interview and paid the price. We’ve all been there. Just learn from it. If you fail to prepare, then you prepare to fail, as my dad used to say.

Why is taking time off for mental health extreme? I'm still dealing with suddenly losing my mum last year, the anniversary being last week, having recently been through a divorce, and my therapist has said I'm depressed, and now the shock and embarrassment of not getting the job I was successfully doing before maternity leave. I haven't been able to sleep. I cannot work as much as I couldn't work if I had flu.

Why ask if you already know you are going to go off sick? Ultimately the situation will remain exactly the same when you return.

You sound entitled op and are being unreasonable. But also must have been hard that week for you re the anniversary of your mum's death. Perhaps you simply weren't the best person for the job.

Ok, but yoh also wrote this I should have rehearsed the Star stuff or whatever that is

which doesn’t indicate you were fully aware, nor did you prepare correctly. It does feel like you thought you were a walk in so didn’t prepare correctly for it, and are now embarassed and angry you didn’t get it.

just put it down as a lesson learned, there will be other interviews, and you know now you do need to prepare.

Empathy bypass? Op is clearly struggling and you think it’s helpful to chip in with this snidey shit. How unpleasant.

Op I get why you’re annoyed. Cuts being made, managers receiving a promotion and getting cast aside for a job you’ve already done. It doesn’t exactly scream ‘great workplace morale’. People on MN are very literal - of course you weren’t entitled to get the job but you still are allowed to have certain feelings about the situation.

It sounds like you’ve had a really difficult time and emotions are probably coming to the fore more so now than when your mum initially passed. If you need time off I’d absolutely take it. Come back stronger, use the time to assess whether you want to stay there and just be kind to yourself.

They have literally shown they can replace you so don’t feel bad for prioritising yourself and your wellbeing.

YANBU if you want to take time off because you are overwhelmed. YABU to be so put out you didn't get the job. Everyone in the CS knows how tough the interview are.

And having worked in the Civil Service for 10+ years, why are you acting like you don't know how the interview process works?

The interviewers cannot take into account anything other than your performance in the interview - so I have no idea why you thought your experience would count as a positive (apart from the fact it may have helped you with your answers).

And your point RE your presentation being good - likely the candidate who got the job also had a great presentation + better interview answers, which is why they scored higher than you.

They don’t care if you’re depressed or grieving your mum. You weren’t good enough on the day and if you took a demotion they prob think you’re not hungry enough for it. This is harsh but sadly true. You need to get a new job.

It’s not unfair at all. It’s the way things go.

They are entitled to say that your previous role can’t be done part-time and that you have the option of working full-time, or taking a different role to get the hours that you want. (And actually that’s incredibly reasonable of them, they could have just said “no” to the reduction in hours request.)

Losing one weekend of preparation time shouldn’t have made a massive difference. You still had a whole week to prepare. As a single parent to a five year old, it would be surprising if you had a lot of time to prepare over a weekend, or if it would have been at most a few hours after they had gone to bed. And of course you would not have expected to use work time to prepare.

It is possible that you just didn’t answer the questions very well. As an interviewer, I have very often seen candidates who walk in so overly confident and not putting much effort in, because they have done the role before so think they are assured of getting it. Meanwhile someone who has never done the role will interview much better because they take it far more seriously, as they know nothing is assured. I wonder if that could be what happened in this case.

And actually, if you are genuinely depressed, it is probably for the best that you did not get the role. You would be better off getting yourself sorted out, and I’m sure that it would be easier while you are still working only part-time.

Yes it’s shit when you don’t get a job you know you’d be good at. Loads of us have all been there. However you admit your interview questions weren’t great, so that was the decider. There’s nothing you can do about it. In time, you’ll accept it and move on to something else. But I get how crap it feels, but the employer hasn’t done anything wrong.

I disagree that this was a good way to find the best candidate. But that's the process they have. So yeh, I've fucked up.

You interviewed along with other candidates; which part was unfair? If you had got the job by sole virtue of having done it before (half a decade ago, right enough) then that really would have been unfair on the other candidates.

Wounded pride is not a mental illness. It is something we all occasionally experience at work.

The grumbling about not seeing the Friday email suggests you think it is someone else's responsibility and not your own. That is the way it is if you work part time. I often have to respond to work emails at the weekend and I work in a job that someone in the civil service writes the job standards for.

To be fair if you got the job you’d probably think it was a good process, and fhey may feel they have the right person. To be honest, every interview process has ir pros and cons.

just lick your wounds, next time will be better.

This was nearly 5 years ago

Come on - hardly pregnant then screwed! It was 6 years ago

So many unhappy people in the CS at the moment with all the restructuring and everyone lashing out because they think they are better than the people who get what they want out of the process.

OP you’ve now said yourself you weren’t happy with your interview answers. That’s all they can go on. It’s frustrating for everyone that when we recruit we’re not allowed to discuss the candidate’s overall prior performance with their current manager. But we can’t. Because it wouldn’t be objective.

Sounds like it’s time to break out of your comfort zone and look for a move - internal or external.

You are asking us to help you justify going off sick. From what you’ve said I think this would be a bad idea. You’ll stew and fret. If you want to get ahead you’ll need resilience and ways to cope with setbacks. Only you know if you can cope at the moment though.

Agree with all of this.

i don’t think the OP sounds like they need the additional pressure of a new job at this moment

They haven’t just ‘chosen’ who they like, as you said a few times, they held a fair and open recruitment process and the person with the best score got the job.
you might feel you are the best person- you might be who knows but as you said you didn’t do as well on the day. For them to just give you the job would be unfair.

Hardly snidey shit! Blunt maybe, but it is the truth.

The OP went for a job and didn't get it, doesn't matter what excuse she puts in the hat, it went to a someone else on the day.

Going off sick now will only demonstrate that they made the right decision!