To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

Jesus Christ. The determination to be a victim and hard done by is quite something to watch.

Honestly I enjoy having the time to spend with my son - it just feels like it comes at the expense of any kind of recognition/status/value

Doesn't anyone else working part time on a lower grade than before mat leave feel like that?

Do you feel better now? OP has said that she’s depressed. Depression can make you think very negatively. Yet this is how you respond to a woman saying she has depression and is struggling.

Ive helped a couple of friends/relatives fill in disability benefit claim forms including reviews. The reason why people often fail is that the forms are very repetetive. However its important to treat each question as a separate opportunity tand to supply as much information as possible. This is because of the way the assessor works. They award points as they go along. And they do not refer to or consider things you may have said in the past in another application.

The interview is your opportunity to showcase yourself. In order to be fair to all applicants the interviewers have to assess your performance on what you present on the day. Not on the previous x years when you might have been working in the role.

Its unfortunate that this came as a bad time for you and you had less opportunity to make your preparations. This is no one's fault. Its just something that happened.There is no one out there handing out fairness.

You are entitled to feel hard done by if you have had some bad or unlucky experiences but what are you going to do about it? Arguing with strangers is not going to help you grieve. It's not going to change the CS recruitment procedure. Dwelling on perceived unfairness won't make you happy. Focus on how you will spend your break at Easter with your son. Look for another job where you will feel more valued or think how you can make your current one more acceptable.

You're getting a very hard time here and I don't think it's justified.

My team at work is larger than yours, with more part time team members - and we still manage to schedule team meetings so that everyone can attend. Because we are supposed to be a team and we have decent managers.

So sorry you had this, that’s the CS for you, it’s an all too common story. Your past experience has to be actively demonstrated, not assumed or remembered. Once the disappointment subsides you’ll have a clearer idea of what you want to do. Your time will come.

I can't see how the company or clients won't be benefiting. If you were promoted they would have 3 days per week of productivity to replace. By promoting your colleague, they have someone doing the 10% management element, you still have 3 solid days of productivity, and they can recruit another full time designer.

Honestly, your posts are starting to show why you didn't get the job. You're not thinking of a team here.

I'm sorry but that's a dysfunctional and ineffectual approach to take to internal promotion decisions.

Disregarding actual proven performance, skills and expertise that can be verified because it occurred within the same organisation in favour of who blags the best at interview is not the recipe for promoting the right people.

Hence op apparently being managed by people who would not seem to know what decent management practice looked like even if it walked up and introduced itself.

To be fair, if strangers online were piling in to give you a kicking when you posted seeking support, you would probably argue your corner to defend yourself too.

Of course I have. But constantly going over it to downbeat yourself by stating how unfair and wrong everyone involved is is not helpful to your mental health. You might not want to hear my response but that doesn’t make it not true. You are ruining your days off further by going over old ground and being mad about it

Yep, and that’s something you chose. Nobody else. You.

Yep, and the other option I'm sure would have come with downsides. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault (although it would have helped if they could have accommodated my request). But currently it feels like the choice is work part time and spend time with your child but be treated like shit at work and have your career fall of the edge of a cliff, or go back full time miss spending time with your child they not benefit from having you around after school be stressed the hell out but have a feeling of status and recognition from your job.

Please if anyone has found a solution to this please let me know. I no lots of mums on either side of this and none of them are satisfied.

no one is treating you like shit just as you didn’t get a job.

you chose to have a child. You could have continued to work full time in your previous role, you prefered not to and took a lower role, this was your choice, no one forced you to do this, and no one has treated you like shit simply as you didn’t get the job back again.

you haven’t had a down turn in fortunes, you have the life style you chose.

It's a team restructure, not a routine meeting. It impacts the whole team.

It's not a case of expecting no meetings on anyone's NWDs, but that significant ones should be scheduled to days everyone can attend.

Well they didn’t, they did it when the majority could attend and will tell the others when they come back in. For me this is fine and I’d do similar.

That's your opinion.

I think it's unusual to do it that way in the Civil Service and mishandled.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

And that’s fine, it is up to the manager, they took this decision. And I really can’t see the big deal if I’m honest.

Exactly!!

Emotional intelligence is one of the key parts of management apparently..

The not getting the job back is not the thing I'm talking about when I say treated like shit.

Anyway, whether they were fair / right or not. It's clearly a tricky situation, and one that I'm struggling with. My original question was should I take time off for mental health reasons. My therapist said I was depressed last week, then I've just had this news, and am dealing with a bereavement. I feel like I'm spiraling.

Your anger is so palpable in this thread i can feel it.
You asked Aibu about the job interview (yeah you were) but really this is a shout for validation that you feel you have gone through lots of shit for very little reward (yanbu to feel that).
You may not want to hear this but this is a narrative you have built in your head. Motherhood is hard, single motherhood even more so, grief can make us feel absolutely enraged. I have been there, working part time, watching my DH career soar, losing a parent. Life is better now but crucially so is my perspective. I had a lot of therapy. I made some changes. I also realised that no one is watching or judging, that’s just my really critical inner voice.
it sounds like you are also very hard on yourself. Give yourself space to feel your feelings, maybe not on aibu which can be brutal! And then maybe think how you can change your perspective to live a life where you can feel good without professional validation or meeting societies bullshit goals for women.
you sound smart and talented and like you’ve had a shit time and I wish you well.

How long do you have left before your annual leave?