To think this was unfair, and to take time off for mental health.

[Dawnchorus1]

I work in the civil service, and after returning from mat leave was given the choice of returning to my current job full time or taking a demotion if I wanted to do 3 or 4 days.

I took the demotion. This was nearly 5 years ago. I've contributed fully and enthusiastically in my role and been successful in working on big projects and having my ideas taken forward consistently (we work in an environment where most projects have a few people creating initial ideas which the clients then chose from). This despite being managed by 'replacement', being a single parent to my son, having little family support and having lost my mum suddenly last year, and have been working very hard at keeping my shit together.

We've gone through a restructure recently which has been horrendous for most involved and taken it's toll (multiple applications to apply for our own jobs etc). I kept my job luckily. Then a position opened up for my previous role. My son being at school now I thought it would be a good time to get my career back on track - up my hours and resume previous role.

So put in application. Got interview. Knew others were going for it, but being the one who had actually done the job before thought I had more than a good chance of getting it.

Invites for interview were sent out on the Friday - which is non working day for me so I didn't see it until the Monday morning, meaning I Iost a weekend of prep time. Interviews scheduled for the following Monday, so only a week's notice for me. We had to prepare a presentation for the interview (with no time scheduled during work to do so). This also happened to be the week of my mum's 1 year anniversary of her sudden death, and the week in which we buried her ashes. I see a therapist and the week before this she said she thought I was depressed - because I said I was struggling to get out of bed and do basic things like the washing up and laundry.

I worked hard to prepare a presentation. Long story short I didn't get the job - despite being told I had done a really good presentation. Because I 'didn't have enough examples on the behaviour and strength questions'. Despite having worked with these people closely for 5-10 years. They know I can solve a problem, they've seen me do it every week. Yes I could have had better answers. But last week was the worst week for me to have to prepare for this. I put the time and effort I had in me getting my presentation in good shape.

I'm absolutely devastated. I feel like crap and need advice about what to do next. Think I'll need to take some time off for mental health reasons, how do I go about this? I feel so angry. I'm not sure if they were allowed to do what they did with demoting me when returning from mat leave.

Op, there’s a bit of main character energy coming off your posts, which makes it very very clear you resent your current position hugely and not being central to the team, and want to be seen as central and really important.

you are clearly bothered about the fact they told everyone when you weren’t there, like it should centralise round you, and you even state you don’t mind them having meetings when you’re not there, like they shouldn’t do it but you will accept it.

insuspect the fact it’s announced is an issue to you as you suspect they will all be talking about you, and you can’t direct the narrative, and if you’ve been giving off I’m in charge vibes, they likely will be, and clearly the message is you are not as central to this team as you wish to be perceived.

there is no way they need to wait till you’re there, they will have meetings as per business need, it is not about whether you mind or not.

it feels like you made a decision 5 years ago, but have never accepted your position mentally, continued to beleive you’re in charge, and now it is a humiliation to you as the job came up and they have made it clear thays not the case.

you need to focus on the job you have. If you want to move apply for other jobs. Move on. But basically you need to accept your own life choices..

Grow up. I object to paying your wages, as a tax payer, if you go off sick. Ridiculous ... give your head a wobble.

I think it's very poor they announced line managers/team changes on your and another person's NWD.

My work would let everyone know at the same time, (or potentially inform those who weren't in ahead of the main announcement).

That was handled badly.

Thank you. It's a restructure, really tough time for all of us. This is supposed to be the beginning of a fresh start. There's only 10 of us in our team - the idea they couldn't have done this on a day we're all in is ridiculous. How is this good for team bonding and motivation.

I didn't know who got the role. I didn't know who my new line manager would be.

OP I started reading your thread with some sympathy for you, now I’m just glad you aren’t my colleague.

So they told you the meeting was held but not who got it.

odd. But it is irrelevant, your clearly don’t work Thursday and Fridays so they will tell you Monday, you don’t need to know before this and they don’t need to not tell them team until you’re in,

I also don’t see how announcing a manager role has to wait to ensure team bonding.

I also think you’re really not coping right now and it’s clouding your judgement, and unsure how well you can work under this person. I’d take your long weekend to start looking for other jobs.

We send out an announcement. I’ve never worked anywhere everyone all has to be together, it’s not school and a new teacher.

I don’t think you’re wholly wrong.

There might have been an element of “but I’m not really a grade X, I’m really a Y” about you at work.

The thing is, when you’re in a particular role, you’re fully and in every way that role.

There’s no - “I’m a grade X for now until I decide I want to be Y, which is my real level”

You describe it as an “open goal”, OP, and I think that was part of the problem. It was never an open goal, it was free and fair competition. You always had to compete for it on equal terms with the rest of the field, and I think the mindset that it was an open goal might have been part of the problem.

It sounds like you may not be in a good position to go for a promotion with so many other things happening in your life.
I work with someone like this - performed great at interview but was just about coping with current job and home life/family etc. it will not be long before she is off with stress again due to all the extras with new job.

But OP's workplace held a meeting to announce it, they didn't send it out.

If you are holding a meeting about a restructure that affects the whole team, then you don't schedule when it's some of your team's NWDs.

Huh? I'm not fussed about them announcing who got the manager role.

But they have also announced the new teams (3 in all). I have a new line manager and haven't been told about it. Why wouldn't they announce the new teams when we're all in.

She works three days a week, there is no way they need to hold off and do everything in those three days, no company does that, how would you get anything done. They can tell her when she comes back on Monday.

Because the business operated 5 days a week and they can tell you when you’re in on Monday,

There are 10 of us in the design team and it's two of our NWDs. There is literally no reason to not do this meeting on Monday - or to have let us two know yesterday which team we'd be in and who our new line managers would be

And this is a good way of handling the situation?

This.

You really sound hard work with a large side helping of main character syndrome.

This.
I am unsure about your rights re returning to your previous role post maternity leave but it could be that it was a ft post.
I can truly appreciate how upset you are re not being successful with your application for this post but it is relatively common in the workplace.
I don't think the answer is to go off sick.
You have been through a lot and need to take care of yourself OP.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time lately OP, and it does sound as though you have quite severe depression. I’ve been there and it’s awful.

I think your priority should be getting yourself well, rather than stretching yourself on a more demanding role when you are at your lowest. I had to take a step down from management roles for a while. I used to tell myself that I was perfectly capable of a role at that level, just not right now, but that I would be again. And I was, but it took a while.

I know how disappointed you must feel about not getting the job, but all candidates are viewed as a blank slate at interview, even if they have known you for years. They go by what they see and hear on the day to be fair to all applicants. They haven’t done anything wrong.

I hope you feel better soon 🩷

What situation. There is no situation other than in your head. They simply got the folks together and announced, no big deal, you will be told when back.

what happens Monday, someone calls In sick, want them to delay, someone on holiday, want them to delay.

honestly you’re not thinking straight, there is no situation to be handled.

and fhere is literally no reason to not do it today and get on with it, when the majority of the team is there,

I mean it's not easy, when you've hired into a role, been on a kind of fast track to promotion - helped along by the person who hired you, been bigged up by them constantly, then go off on mat leave to return to find you've been replaced (yes it was my choice to do 3 days, I wanted to enjoy my only child while he was little and be there for him). Put everything you have into the 3 days, make the best of it, not just being flakey half arsed I don't care about this anymore vibe, the person who hired me died, I fluffed up the interview and feel like I'm treated like a second class citizen for doing part time (even though in this climate we're very good value for them, there's hardly any work for the full timers to keep busy with!!).

Yeh it's a shit ride downwards. I can't be the only one this has happened to.

It sounds like you were only one more thing happening from not being able to cope, so it is for the best that you didn’t get the job for everyone, mostly you, as you’re obviously not coping well at the moment. You can’t see it now, but I think you will see that it was for the best if you can get on top of the depression. I think you’ll also see that just because you have done the job before years ago, it doesn’t mean that you are the best person for the job now.

If you feel you need to take some time for your mental health, then do so. See your GP.

Maybe when you are feeling better, you could consider moving to a new company. You may have too much baggage, resentment and history at this one and you may feel more positive somewhere else.

I really hope you’re feeling better soon. Take care of yourself. 💐

Apart from the fact two of us are not there. This restructure has been going on since October. I think waiting 2 days for the same of us all being in wouldn't be the end of the world to say the least? Or at least if you are dying to do it on a fifth of your teams NWDs have the decency to let them know separately the day before? I think the saying is just because you can doesn't mean you should lol

Nothing happened to you! You aren’t a victim, nobody has done anything to you. You chose a demotion, and then didn’t prepare well enough for a job you were way too cocky about, at a company you hate. The only thing you are a victim of is your own behaviour and choices.

Have you never had down turn in fortune / bad spell in life? I'm not blaming anyone particularly. It's just shit on the way down. I'm sure lots of people can relate!