Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

Whats the dynamics like in your house now you say they buy there own food and pay token amount. Even if they can’t work 3 adults in the house must be hard. Did you want your DS to be independent? I can’t imagine how he brought his gf with no real means to support herself to live with him.

God this grinds my gears. My youngest has crippling anxiety but is working full time, living independently and contributing to society. Good to know we are all paying tax for that likes of this family. No doubt there will be a baby we will need to support soon too

And for those of you bleating about your virtue in having DC to serve the aging population, at the moment in this country, we have 1 in 4 young people (between 18 & 25) not in work or further education.

That is unsustainable.

I'm a dyed in the wool Labour voter & softy liberal - I get that generations of poverty, lack of ambition because no-one encourages you, generational trauma (being raised by a parent with severe mental ill-health cannot be easy, nor can being a parent with a severe mental illness) - all those disadvantages contribute to poor mental and physical health.

But the answer for young people is not to just cave and sit around on benefits. Some was derisive about litter picking. But look at what it offers - out in the fresh air, walking/exercise, contributing, doing something really meaningful for your community, which supports you - what is wrong with ANY of that?

This is such a depressing situation. Many years ago I used to work in Benefits and I saw the children of the claimants start to come to the desk and make their own claims as adults.

And on it goes.
There must be more that the son and girlfriend can do than sit around the house all day on Benefits.
OP why are you all doing to try and alleviate your issues and attempt to work and be productive?

Payouts like these need reining in - massively. What do these people do all day? So crippled by anxiety I assume they don't go out?

This is literally what is wrong with this country... FFS.

Ffs so everyone has anxiety and none of you work?! This country is fucked beyond measure. Why is this even allowed.

It really isn't. I have mental health issues - have had my entire life, OCD, ADHD and anxiety that's got really bad at times - but have also worked my entire life. I don't have much sympathy for people who use mental health as an excuse not to work. I've never had the luxury of not working - I don't have a supportive family to fall back on, there's always just been me - so have had to crack on whether I felt like it or not. You find workarounds and you get on with it. The OP's child is not working because he knows he doesn't have to, the anxiety doesn't seem to have precluded him from finding a girlfriend, for example.

The trouble is, real anxiety is absolutely crippling. People like this result in the public being sceptical of anyone saying they can't work due to anxiety. Have you ever worked OP?

Stop the tax payer's money to these freeloaders. I wonder if they'll manage to get a job then.

Eating, gaming, shagging.

They probably can afford alcohol, takeouts, cigarettes and vaping.

She has anxiety but basically moved in to a family home where she doesn’t really know any of you? I think someones pulling your leg.

I have 'real anxiety' and yes it's crippling but you can still bloody work.

Because I know you can actually work with anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, autism. A tiny proportion are unfit for the work place. I suspect a much larger percentage just don’t want to work enough or are so navel gazing they have convinced themselves they can’t. One of the best treatments for anxiety is to consistently just do shit, even though it’s hard.

Exactly, like my anxiety wasn’t real…

I resent the idea that you can't have 'real anxiety' if you can also hold down a full-time job. I currently need treatment for a stress-related ulcer but I won't be resigning and going on benefits because of it. This country is full of lazers.

Wow. Yeah they would be out after this. They are taking the piss. Let them see what it costs to run a house.

Im sick of people using anxiety and ADHD as an excuse for being an asshole.

I am left leaning but I think it's fair to say whatever political stance we take, we don't like liars, and that's what people who fraud the system are.
Benefits are a safety net for those in need.

Exactly. Work HELPS with my anxiety. It is one way of stopping the negative thoughts spiralling.

The OP's family should try it.

I dont think the OP is going to come back. Hopefully she will take a hard look at what is happening in her household and make some changes but somehow I dont think so.

On some threads there are still people claiming benefits are very hard to claim, they arent given out willy nilly but clearly its rife. Add to that You Tubes telling you the answers to questions to ensure that you get what you want and you have benefits going up and up.

Its unacceptable that we give us on our young people and allow them to make a choice not to work. For long? Next year, forever??

The issue with MH issues is that they arent visble. With a broken leg its clear what has happened. With MH if you have the 'correct' answers you will get what you want. its just easier for the people managing the system to give it to you. After all its not their money and they dont want people kicking off.

I saw one of those Ambulance programmes the other night. There was a persistent caller who was messing around and calling 999 constantly. He used a couple of key words when he rang to ensure that he was a P1 and unfortunately the paramedic repeated them. When they got to him he messed around and turned them away. Next day he did the same thing. I am surprised that they allowed those words to stay in but I guess in the crowd who are calling 999 a lot you will get to know what you need to say.

And bad parenting. I would argue if you have a child with any problems a parent should work even harder at helping them cope with the world, not use it as an excuse to give up. Not easy, granted, but children need their parents to help because the parents won't be around forever.

You are so naive seriously what are your bills? They should be paying 2/3 of them, council tax, gas, electric, water. Your DS is and his GF sound like they taking the piss out of you. Tell tell this arrangement is temporary you can’t seriously want to live for years with 2 adults who pay peanuts in your own house.

Everyone probably feels anxious at times.
When I feel anxious I tell myself that I only have one life and I get in and start doing something. The feeling of anxiety is worrying but it is not going to kill me. I feel uncomfortable, yes, but I get on with life.

Being unemployed is an excellent way to bring on an anxiety attack. Worry about not learning skills, not contributing to society in a financial way nor in a useful way.

Charge your DS and his girlfriend rent and also insist that they have to be working at a charity, volunteering, for one day a week, and putting up signs advertising as dog walkers, cat minders and feeders, and house sitters.

They oculd also do their RSA, start some laundry services or house cleaning jobs and look into some study at the local tech.

Try to facilitate them doing more to help themselves out of unemployment.

It sounds like you're being taken for a complete mug! You must know at least whether your son has so much anxiety that he can't possibly do any type of work? If he has, then tell him to seek urgent medical help. Sounds like you don't think so, by your use of 'apparently'.
Do you want the girlfriend and her cats living with you? If not, tell her she has to move elsewhere. Maybe back to her parents? But it's not really your concern where she goes, just that . Otherwise you'll have them living with you for ever more!
And of course they should both be contributing to their keep! I'd turn the wifi off in the day time too. Don't enable their behaviour- it's your home and you're the boss of it, so set whatever rules you feel are appropriate. if they don't like the rules, they can leave.. and hopefully they will.