Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

My dd pays rent/keep, she’s 22 and is on PIP, she works 2 days a week. I am a single parent (2 dc, both with disabilities). I don’t like taking money from her but I can’t afford to feed her and house her without her paying.

Mylimepoet

They ‘offered’ to pay ….. a marked reluctance otherwise they would be contributing and the cheek of bringing two animals….. and who is going to pay for any damage they cause… being sick or sharpening claws on the furniture or carpet, and vet’s bills ? As I mentioned OP and DS taken for mugs

The OPs son and his gf have said they'll pay her rent - but that isn't good enough for some of the posters on here

You're talking to the wrong person. I have three cats. I'm poor - my cats are sick sometimes. I clean it up. They do sharpen their claws on things they should not some times - but I can live with that. Lots of people in work have cats, dogs, rabbits. It just seems to be poor people who are told they should not have pets

My oldest boy has just turned 20 and I have had him since he was 18 months. He was abused in his last home and I would starve before I gave him up.

I haven't said at any point that the OP should pay vet bills

I currently have three cats. Never had any big vet bills. The only bills I have had is when they've died. I lost my last cat in March last year. She was 19.

If people want they can tell OP to throw the cats and the son and the gf out - but the hill I will die on is that poor people should not have to give cats up because they are poor

They should pay their way with food and other household expenses. And most definitely buy the cat food and litter.

They should also do their share of housework and chores.

Looks to me as though you looked like a soft touch.

Show them that you aren't.You deserve respect.

They need to pay their way. They are not children.

With respect. She could have asked her son for money ages ago and clearly didn't. And what is the other son paying? This isn't just on the GF moving in. Her son has been living there rent free clearly until now

You are three adults sharing a house.
You all have benefit income.
So to my mind, you should share the household costs equally, each paying a third. And each pay for your own food if that’s what works for you.

It’s worrying that you say that the gf seems to be taking over the house.
Please don’t let them take advantage OP. It’s currently your house and you must let them know that you have the last word on decisions until you are sharing the costs equally.
Decide what you want to happen and hold firm on that. Get legal advice if necessary.
Good for you for trying to get back into a good work ethic. That’s a good example to set to your son. Wishing you all the best your interview.

Why does she need legal advice to suggest what they pay? There are four of them. Not three

It sounds like your son is tagging on to the mental health train. Can none of the three of you work? Really?

Work improves mental health for most people. It doesn’t have to be something overly stressful, even two days a week in the local shop. Anything to get out, see people, fresh air and something to talk about and learn.

I can’t imagine it’s helping any of you to be in doors with no job together. It must be even more depressing.

I’m sorry if I sound rude but I feel really strongly about this. Why on earth have you raised a child to think it is acceptable to claim money from the tax payer and not work?! This would not be an option in my house at all. My girl has serious anxiety and has had a part time job since 16 while at sixth form and now full time employed. If anything keeping busy helps with being anxious.the benefit system was for people who cannot work and a safety net for difficult times not a way of life. No wonder our country is in the mess it is with this going on

Please don't. If you continue this I'll be reporting your posts. Completely unacceptable. You are bullying someone vulnerable

Keeping busy helps with being anxious? Completely delusional. Being anxious and having anxiety are not the same thing

Can you not stop. The OP has said she's signed on with an agency today. I really hope that mumsnet torch this thread because the OP is being hung out to dry all over the place

Work didn't improve my my mental health

It didn't improve my uncles when he killed himself.

I've asked mods to take a look at this thread - because the grief the OP is getting is completely disproportionate to the question she asked . Enough is enough. Stop kicking her

Absolutely I would not ever bully at all. My daughter has the worst anxiety of anyone I have ever seen but I would never allow her to let that ruin her life’s potential. Her very first shift we sat outside and she was panting shaking crying could not go in but I would not let her give up. A month later she was fine. It is not the end though at every point she panics she wants me let her go home but I can’t because it will not help her at all.we cannot write our young off unless it is absolutely necessary.

Have you seen the pages of critical comments the OP has been subjected to?

Imagine thinking its ok at age 22 to scrounge off your mum whilst not being arsed to work, oh and then doing the exact same again with his girlfriend.
They need a job and if they dont want one then they need to see that it isnt free to live and they need to contribute to the household.
Its not fair on you. Absolute freeloaders!

He's on disability benefits. I am too. Does that make me a scrounger?

They've said they are going to contribute. Maybe read the full thread

£30 a week 🫣 I can’t see any bullying tbh

Have you read the full thread. Her son is going to give her 200 quid a month and she's going to give 120. Because she gets less than he does as she's not on disability benefits and the son is

Maybe you should take a step back- you've been constantly posting on here since 9am this morning. Have a break !

You sound like a truly caring parent. A dose of tough love works wonders in the long run.

Maybe you should keep your nose out and not tell other people how much they should post. You aren't a mod - and it's not up to you as to how often I post on the boards

What an absolute rude individual. Don't worry. I won't post on here again. I'll just let the OP be bullied by the we hate people on benefits and we hate people with mental health issues brigade. Over and out!