Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

Please leave her alone. She has enough on her plate. Stating that she should kick her son out and his gf when they have stated that they will pay rent is ridiculous.

And don't tell someone they are a failure as a parent because their adult child has apparent anxiety. He's on disability benefits. He's been assessed by the dwp.

She's had enough criticism on here to date and it's getting too personal

There are different levels of illness. I have a friend who is partially sighted (missing one eye entirely after an assault and partially sighted in the other from a degenerative eye condition) and has ADHD so he is entitled to full disability benefits. He manages to do the occasional bit of work for family members, but he'd really struggle in a proper job. Frankly, I'm not sure he'd be safe in most workplaces. But there are people with sight impairments to manage. My FIL has severe bipolar. He has lived in a car with a dog (sometimes 2) for over 20 years. He can't even manage living in a regular house. He cannot function in society, and has got less functional as the years have gone on. But there are absolutely people with bipolar who manage full-time work, and there are people in-between, where they aren't living on the fringes of society, but also couldn't hold down work. Then you've got the fact that, despite legislation, disability discrimination absolutely happens. I've stopped declaring my disability on application forms because it just feels like saying "please discrimate against me" - I have a 95% hit rate in getting interviews generally, but it's only about 30% when I tick the disability box. I've even had an incident where I asked for the questions ahead of time for an interview as a reasonable adjustment - they gave me them 40 minutes in advance, but I found out the other candidates for them 24 hours in advance!

Can people not read the full thread?

That's uncalled for. You don't have the right to tell the OP they have failed as a parent.

Not only were they taking the OP for a mug, they are taking taxpayers for it. Their attitude is that there is money around (I.e you bought a phone) so why shouldn’t you pay (and the rest of us) pay for me. I would tell her to leave with her 30 quid a week, and would hope that the anxiety ridden son would leave with her. They are freeloaders who need a sharp lesson in reality.

Throwing them on the streets isn't going to give them a lesson in reality.
There are plenty of parents who don't for one reason or another ask their adult kids for money but money is obviously tight.

Obviously the mum needs more money as she's on benefits herself but the gf will be on 316 a month by the sounds of it. Her son if he gets disability benefits will be on more (although she's not said what benefit).

It's not up to anyone on here to tell the OP to throw her son out.

Im personally not sure what's worse at the moment. The benefit digs or the mental health digs. Mental health can be genetic/hereditary and there are people queueing up to put "anxiety" in brackets as if they don't believe its a mental health condition

I'm glad to see the comment has been deleted by MN.

OP, I think the question is almost rhetorical, as you state that you "need" the money. It's also worth noting that this isn't your only child, so whatever your approach, it needs to be seen to be as "fair" as you can make it. It wouldn't appear "fair" to another sibling, if this one got a free ride, and even more so if their girlfriend got a free ride, at your expense as well. It certainly wouldn't be fair if they were still living at home, paying rent themselves, and subsidising their sibling. So, yes, I think you should be charging "rent" on all counts.
The question of "how much" is a personal decision. You can randomly pluck a figure out of the air. You can split all bills evenly between the adults living in the property. Or you can calculate how much more your bills are because they are there, and thats how much they need to pay (ie if you were there alone, you would get a 20% reduction in council tax, you would be paying the standing charges for gas and electric etc).
Good luck. Its hard being a parent.

They legally cannot decline to employ you, and you do not have to disclose it at all if you don't want/need to.

Sit down with this pair and work out a budget for rent and a timescale for them leaving. Don’t look after the cats. Her cats, her problem. Wouldn’t be having this, sorry.

Not working at 22 I'd take every penny off them until they went to work, you're encouraging idleness if they live of you.

“Both have anxiety“ mmmm ….at the thought of having to get a job?
Both you and DS are being taken for mugs.

Some posts on here just stun me.

I didn't say that - did I? I have had jobs where I had to disclose if I had MH issues

See if you have nothing good to say. Why don't you say nothing. I suffer from anxiety and it has nothing to do with whether I want to be employed or not. The OP has been attacked enough on this thread

The OPs son has disabilities - she said this in previous posts

I wouldn't dream of letting someone stay in my home without charging rent and I'm not sure that would ever compensate for the loss of privacy.

No you don't. You don't take every penny off a disabled son just because someone on mumsnet says so

It would be unreasonable for them to not offer to at least contribute towards bills.

They have offered to pay rent. Both of them

Excellent OP well done

Is there a rolling of the eyes emoji?

Rather “have the peace” can also mean being exploited. If they become nasty at asking to contribute that says it all. Your son is in no position to offer another person free board and accommodation!

They haven't. Both have said they'll contribute