Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

The gf moved in the other day. Is it OK to clarify yet again that the OPs son is on disability benefits and that the OP has bipolar and GAD. Some people on disability benefits are to unwell to work even if that's for a short time - and that's why they've been put on the benefits they have - or is this going to be another day of bashing people on benefits who have mental health issues?

No-one wants to 'bash' people who are genuinely ill, (physically or mentally) but the sudden explosion of people on benefits because of mental health issues is bound to raise a few eyebrows.

An NHS survery found

• One in four (25.8%) of young people (16 to 24 years old) have a common mental health condition, up from 18.9% in 2014.
• More than a fifth (22.6%) of adults (16 to 64 years old) have a common mental health condition, up from 18.9% in 2014.
• More than one in four adults (25.2%) reported having had suicidal thoughts during their lifetime, including about a third of 16- 24-year-olds (31.5%) and 25- to 34-year-olds (32.9%).
• Self-harm rates have quadrupled since 2000, with the highest rates among 16- to 24-year-olds at 24.6%, especially young women at 31.7%.

Some therapists say that social media and the consumer culture are contributing to mental health issues especially for young people
They encourage people to reduce screen time and stay engaged in the reality of life rather than the ones portrayed on social media. To devote more time to the simple everyday things that contribute to good mental and physical health such as regular exercise, meditation, healthy eating, effective listening and communication skills.
For example, it is not uncommon to hear of a young person spending two to three hours every day scrolling on social media when this time could be devoted to better mental health and building stronger relationships.

Parents have a big part to play in this.

Quoted wrong post.

The issue is how to you determine who is or isn't genuinely ill. I have seen multiple posters on here - who clearly haven't been through the process of trying to claim disability benefits - stating that they are so easy to get and all you need to do is get your GP to write you a fit note - and that's you sorted.

That wasn't my experience at all. Why do people automatically assume people on benefits are lazy - and there seems to be more disdain for people with mental health issues too..

As I said in previous posts. People on lcwra can work - Pip and adp too. For some people this money helps them stay in employment

I had a relative with mental health issues who committed suicide. There are too many people out there who think mental health is nothing - when it can actually be incredibly debilitating and in some cases gets people to the point where they can't see the point in carrying on living

I've had mental health challenges. I've also felt life isn't worth living and struggled with suicidality. I'll probably be on antidepressants for the rest of my life. For me, work has (literally) been a lifeline. A way of getting out of my own head without using drugs. And yes, of course I appreciate that I am not everyone and that people have different experiences of mental health, but I'm not convinced that a lifetime of not working and living off benefits would actually help a lot of people with depression. Conversely, a lot of people without serious mental health problems would probably enjoy dossing around doing nothing and not having to worry about earning a living. That's the crux of the matter here isn't it - the OP's son and his GF sound like the latter, looking to get a free ride out of 'the system' and the OP, rather than taking responsibility for their own lives and for getting better and becoming useful contributors to society.

Very few people get lifetime awards of disability payments. The GF doesn't sound like she's on disability benefits so there will be an expectation that she job searches or risk a sanction. Tbh - we don't really have enough info about the family to know the dynamics between mum and son, what his mental health issues are, what disability benefits he gets and how long he's on them. She asked for help about asking them to contribute and it's veered off into other things

The OP has now signed up with a jobs agency, so hopefully she’ll be successful in finding work now. The impression I get is that she has had a bad time with her MH and hasn’t enjoyed being out of work.

Hope it works out for you, OP.

Well done for applying you won’t know who you try.

Maybe it will encourage your son

Incorrect. You need to look earlier in the thread than that. And what is "A a %" ? 🙄 What drivel.

They'd have to pay rent somewhere else so yes, they should be giving g you some money. I charge my 23 year old £200 a month because otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford anything!

OK, taken your opinion on board. A question how much tax do you think a person should pay?

The amount expected by HMRC as I do myself. Otherwise I do not understand your question.

I think they're taking the P to be honest.

I will always support my kids, but I wouldn't allow them to freeload, especially with a partner, and I absolutely wouldn't be allowing them to bring pets to make a mess in my home. You're not being unreasonable at all.

I'd give them a time frame to find their own place and try to help them getting into work. I have mental health issues (Bipolar plus several other conditions), I'm neurodivergent and have other invisible disabilities but I still work. I do think a lot of people have jumped on the anxiety bandwagon because it's an "easy way" to get out of working, which really doesn't help the stigma surrounding things like anxiety and depression.

Obviously you adhere to HMRC guidelines. You also agree with them now historically

Best of luck!

I don't disclose my Bipolar or other disabilities unless I am offered the job 🙂

I won’t mention bipolar unless I have to

Some employers ask about mental health history during the employment process.

No, i paid 'housekeeping' after I finished uni (not as much as rent but a contribution none the less). If they are living in your house, pushing up the cost of your utilities, then charge them. Do you feed them and the cats? If they are her cats she should be covering the cost of their care.,

Your bipolar isn't anything to be ashamed of. I would be very surprised if they mentioned it at an interview but they might ask you to fill in a health questionnaire. Please don't let this be a big issue.

She is charging them and they've agreed to pay.

No I’m completely stable now on medication. My bipolar isn’t an issue.,I get very nervous but that’s normal I think

Can they afford to pay you if they’re on benefits? They won’t get much. Far better solution would be to move the girlfriend and cats out again.

You don't get the housing element if you live at home. I claimed UC between graduation and getting my first job. My parents made me for the 'stamps' (it really wasn't worth the hassle otherwise). I only got £20 a week because they lopped off loads because I had a £10k mortgage deposit I'd saved during uni, and then I didn't qualify for the housing element as I lived at home.

You’ve lost me.