Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

I have never watched them. I'm on ADP which is the Scottish equivalent and I answered the questions without any support. I was turned down several times for lcwra - even with support from welfare rights. I wouldn't go through the process again. It was very challenging - and I was suffering from more than anxiety at that point

The OP has bipolar. That's a bit more than just anxiety to be fair.

Of course there are always going to be people that milk the system. But it's not an easy process to go through - lots of people who are in genuine need are turned down

We can't afford to keep giving everyone who asks for it free money for life. We just can't. The threshold for getting benefits has to go up hugely AND anyone getting benefits should be working in some way, in any way. Picking up litter, filling pot holes, answering the phone, working in old peoples homes. Anything.

The country is on it's knees and we cannot keep doing this.

Loads of people are on more on benefits than those working full time. There should be a huge difference between lifestyle working compared to not working. Otherwise, why bother. Oh wait, they don't!

If you are a law abiding, hard working infertile person you count for nothing. If you are an alcoholic, drug addict or never worked or pop out kids with different fathers indiscriminately the government loves you.

I have bipolar 1 and GAD, I work a 40 hour week and 50% of the month I work away from home so live out of hotels. I was honest with my manger before I signed my contract, have been honest with my team and am honest with my wider coworkers. Having both doesn't mean it's impossible to work so don't write yourself off!

I find the routine of work and keeping the same sleep pattern helps me massively to remain stable. I take antipsychotics, mood stabiliser and anxiety meds. In total I take 25 tablets a day in order to lead a normal life,

Within the next few years the welfare system collapses or the next government introduces very tight controls and reductions.

Either way there will be substantial changes.

I wish we could have a government with the backbone to tackle this but it is just getting worse. The people getting shafted are the workers. Ironic given that Labour are supposed to look after working people. Less and less people working, while the middle earners tax just keeps going up. Hack welfare and bring taxes down. Otherwise the whole system will collapse.

As you've mentioned ADP I'm assuming you are in Scotland, and you mentioned ESA. If you are claiming any means tested benefits remember you need to advise Social Security Scotland that you now have 2 non dependent adults in your home. Some of your means tested (if applicable and won't affect ADP or NSESA) will be affected. If you have a severe disability premium attached to any of your benefits this may also be affected. Any non dependent deduction made from you is in the expectation that they will be paying their way. I am a welfare benefits specialist in England with full training in the Scottish systems also. I have rarely seen a situation such as yours end well when it comes to adults moving in on this basis- genuinely you are, if not from a benefits entitlement perspective, at the very least being taken huge advantage of and will continue to be so. Two people of 22 with anxiety as the only diagnosis should not be settling down to a benefits only existence with zero accountability, not even running a home or budget of their own but riding on the back of yours. This is a recipe for disaster.

People don't get free money for life. My disability benefits come to an end in 8 weeks time. I assume you've never been through the process of getting disability benefits if you think the threshold has to go up.

I couldn't have filled in pot holes or picked up litter. I was housebound after a pretty much life changing accident - and that's why I claimed disability benefits in the first place. I was turned down on two occasions and told I was fit to work - just after I got out of hospital.

That is the reality for some people. I personally think some posts on here are verging on abelist

You try being smashed to bits in an accident and then go out litter picking or filling in pot holes. See how you get on

How do you know "nothing happens" when you report him?

The DWP are usually pretty quick to suspend benefits when fraud is suspected. Either he's been very lucky or the DWP know more about his health issues than you do and are confident that he is on the correct benefits.

Even if we could afford to, why should we?

Everyone should be paying for their own lives, if they are able to.

Oh I assume you mean for free. I didn't pick that up from your first post. So people on benefits have to work for them. They've to work for less than the NMW by filling in pot holes and picking up litter and working in old people's homes - so basically using the unemployed for free labour?

They've to work 35 hours a week for 100 quid. Three quid an hour if they are over 25.

Like the old ET scheme where people got an extra ten quid for doing a weeks work?

What employers used to do was hire people for six months under this scheme and then let them go and take on someone else

How motivating do you think it is for someone to work for their benefits?
Who supervises the litter picking? The filling in of pot holes?

My road is full of pot holes. That's the councils responsibility to fix - not people on UC who wouldn't know how to fix them anyway or have the equipment to do it.

I have a degree and two post graduate diplomas. I didn't get disability benefits because I was part of the "feral underclas". I got them because I was entitled to them

I think you should ask for a contribution, even if it's only a small sum. We used to ask our son for a very small sum every month just so that he knew that in the big wide world he would need to pay these things.

"Whilst if you are low IQ and part of the feral underclass they throw money at you."

For fuck's sake @Happinessistheanswer , could you be any more pejorative about people with learning disabilities and the economically and socially deprived?

Not to mention utterly wrong about having money "thrown" at you: those with poor literacy, communication skills etc really struggle to navigate the benefit system.

Absolutely you should! People are allocated ‘benefits’ for subsistence - food and shelter - it’s not pocket money. If you don’t need too much to cover food and energy for them, then maybe save the rest of it for when they, hopefully, move out into a place of their own. I think it does a disservice to allow them to have all their benefits as fun money. If they need more of this, they need to get jobs. It may actually help their ‘anxiety’.

Judging by my town, the contractors employed to fill them in don't know how to fix potholes either! The filling washes out leaving gravel, which ends up all over the road, leaving the potholes as bad as if they hadn't bothered doing anything.

They don't all have substantive learning difficulties. Those are the individuals I am referencing.

As they are now living together, albeit in your house, they should have a joint claim and not 2 single claims.

That's not what you said in the previous post - it's also not true. People do not get money thrown at them by the dwp to get them to go away. It's complete misinformation

It might suit your line of argument but it's not true. To get PIP ADP or lcwra you have to go through an assessment process. It's the same process for everyone

Someone with a low IQ would be at a disadvantage as has already been said because the system is hard enough to navigate as it is.

Yes, and then when the baby comes and gets out of nappies he/she will also be
anxious and muggins here will be paying for the whole lot if them.

There are certainly a certain % of people who will never have to look for work. That % is growing. I dont have the stats to hand sadly.

The GP survey recently mentioned that GP's dont actually want to assess people for sick notes/MH issues but in the absence of anyone else they will do it!

They dont turn many people down when they come for a sick note for MH issues. That cannot be right. All the people going to the GP claiming they have MH issues and anxiety are being passed through presumably because the GP doesnt want any hassle or someone kicking off. After all its not their money...

The dwp have the power to overrule GPs and fit notes. You hand in fit notes until you are assessed and then the assessor makes the decision. They get the final say

This isn't about you, though. You've defended your reason for being on benefits for health reasons, and you don't really need to - benefits are there to support people who are no longer able to support themselves. Most people have no issue with that. I certainly don't.

This is about a family who are all on benefits, seemingly indefinitely, for far more spurious health reasons. If you've got generations of the same family who can't work for mental health reasons, then people are going to regard that with suspicion. Also, like everyone else, I do know some pisstakers on benefits. I am related to some! And they also claim mental health reasons for not being able to work, for the simple reason that it's really hard to prove that you DON'T have mental health problems.