Should I ask my DS and his girlfriend for money

[DiaryofWimpy]

My DS2 has moved his girlfriend in with her 2 cats.

Obviously it’s another person using the washing machine,,TV, gas and electricity they are both 22 and don’t work but get benefits.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable asking them for money?

Lots of people in my profession have mental health problems - it's the reason why a lot of us are in a job where we get to work at home, alone. There are workarounds for MH problems, it shouldn't be an excuse for being a lifelong benefit claimant (except in some very severe cases).

It’s very easy to game the system. If it’s anything like JSA was (which I was on for a total of a year or so during my 20s) proving you’ve applied to jobs is easy work. Doesn’t mean you’ve applied to job you realistically can get or put a good effort into the application etc.

I worked for decades with anxiety and depression. How do you think it feels to be called a feckless lazy malingerer (the new bad back) - because you are on disability benefits?

Both are wrong.

There are definitely some lazy people on benefits, but not everyone claiming benefits is lazy.

I suspect OP hasn’t worked for the majority of her son’s life ie. 2 decades plus and that won’t be changing and he’s following suit.

No it's not. And UC is nothing like JSA.

“They both have anxiety and can’t work”

Really? How very bloody convenient.

Maybe the prospect of imminent homelessness will give them the chance both to experience real anxiety and the impetus to get off their entitled arses.

Just to add another perspective - ironically I have struggled to have my mental health problems taken seriously by the NHS BECAUSE I hold down a full-time job. If you don't seem to have collapsed completely, and are functioning as a 'normal' member of society even though it's incredibly challenging for you, they don't want to know. I didn't want benefits - just treatment. Which I've had to pay for myself, of course.

It absolutely is easy for those who are in the know how.

Glasgow girl here and I’ve grown up with plenty of people who refuse to work, including my friends abusive ex who signed on some kind of benefits the day after she left him 13 years ago as he refused to pay child support.

You’re spot on!

I totally agree with this. I believe no-one solely living-off benefits (not including those that require just a top-up due to low paid jobs) should ever have the audacity to have children.

I understand some are on benefits for all different reasons, however, as they can't pay for themselves they should not bring another life into this world and expect others - our taxes - to pay for their children too.

I'm aghast as to why we currently accept this.

OP, it isn’t your fault you have bi-polar, and you must take care of yourself as best you can.

But I do wonder what effect it has on you all. Living with 2 young people who seemingly have no current plan or ability for independence, and bringing their anxieties into your household cannot be great for you.

Meanwhile I wonder what living in a non-working (not a criticism of you!) household with someone with a MH condition does for them?

Somehow they need to find a way towards supporting themselves and independence. Not next week but a medium term strategy. Is your Dd talking to the GP about recovery and improvement? Are there courses or therapy they can do? Local groups they can go to to help?

I think it is good you have asked them for a contribution. Tell them it is a great step in their adult lives.

Is that right? If you are in the all work group on UC you have to evidence that you are job searching 35 hours a week or face a sanction. When I was in the all work group on UC it actually made my depression worse. Not because I wasn't looking for a job - but because of the way I was treated by some work coaches - and I was in work. I just wasn't earning enough to come off it.

I'm not sure what relevance you being from Glasgow has to do with my post. I live 17 miles from Glasgow. You don't get refusing to look for work if you are in the all work group on UC. You risk being sanctioned otherwise

Definitely not.

You do understand that peoples circumstances can change and that not everyone who has kids was necessarily on benefits when they had them?

This thread is getting worse by the moment. But completely expected.

Of course they should be contributing g financially. Benefits are not adult pocket money. They are for life expenses.

And rightly so!

If you're not at work, then there's plenty of time available to find work.

I actually think the government should step in and find the claimants a job. If they don't like the job they have been allocated, then they can look for another one whilst working, but no more benefits, unless just to top-up low wages! This however would mean having many companies signed-up to willingly take on government placed workers. Hopefully one-day this will happen.

I agree the system is flawed if people are better off on benefits than working (not including disability)

Absolutely I understand this. I was brought up on benefits. My dad cheated, my mum divorced him and at the time had no choice but to claim benefits. However, had she went on to have further children whilst we were living in poverty and off tax-payers already, I would have had a massive problem with her choices once I was old to enough to know what was going on.

My sister has had 2 further children since being on benefits, it's a disgrace!

I'm sorry but sanctions don't motivate people to find work. Did you miss the part where I said being on UC made my depression worse? I suffer from anxiety. I was constantly worried about being sanctioned. I was referred for a sanction because I was a few minutes late for a meeting. It was completely my fault but the work coach was positively gleeful when he was referring me.

The government will not find people jobs. Work coaches have enough to do. They are completely overloaded. When I was in the all work group my work coach kept cancelling meetings with me because he was too busy to see me because of his case load

@DiaryofWimpy
i hope you have stopped reading love.
None of us know how your bipolar impacts and it’s not for mn to decide you should be in work when they don’t know anything about you.
wether your son and his gf need to find work is debatable (based on your posts) but not your responsibility as they are both grown adults.
You asked should they contribute and the answer is yes they should. You have spoken to them and they have agreed to do so. So really your question has been solved.
There’s not really a need for further criticism/ judgement from mn.
Hope you are ok.

Very few people abuse the system. Pip fraud is very low and many people get both lcwra or Pip at tribunal. The system is designed to put people off claiming - particularly if you have been denied and then denied again at mandatory reconsideration

Being late for a meeting to discuss employment, is the equivalent to being late for an actual job, it's not acceptable. Some places fire those who are late to work, you're lucky you only got a sanction.

I know the government won't find people jobs. I do wish the allocation of jobs for the unemployed, but able bodied, was a thing though. It would really help people's MH if they were given work to-do.

How did they move her stuff in? Because people doing that kind of thing, sorting, carrying, can earn a living from it in all types of jobs.
You do know there will be a baby next? 😢

Or kittens!