To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

When the majority were sent to the camps and murdered

You’d rather be obviously Muslim? And what, have racist slurs thrown at you throughout your whole life? Live in fear that you’ll be attacked for wearing a headscarf? Feel even more scared when yet another mosque is attacked and it’s barely even reported in the news?

I’ve had to face chronic Islamophobia my whole life, just like most other Muslims here. Post 9/11 it became my job to prove that I deserve to be treated with dignity instead of it being an automatic right.

You can support ordinary Jewish people without resorting to denial of the real daily lived experience of Muslims in Britain.

I didn’t tell my primary school class mates that I was Jewish. I was often asked if I was Spanish. It was a white area in the 1970s. I must have looked different to the others. My mother used to lower her voice when mentioning Jewish things at home in case the neighbours heard. We lived in a detached house. I used to tell her she was being silly. I didn’t think people were antiSemitic any more. She was sure they had never changed and were just hiding their true feelings. She died before October 7th. Thank God. I’d have hatred for her to know what’s happening now.

No need to be so rude. It wasn’t clear if the OP’s kids are born in the UK, which she has now clarified they were. If that’s the case why are they saying they’re from Eastern Europe? Why would you say you’re from Eastern Europe if you’re British as they come?

And FWIW I’ve grown up in a Jewish part of London and still live there, I’m heartbroken that this is happening in London and affecting my Jewish friends and neighbours but some of the OP’s response aren’t making sense. I am not white. I was born in London. I can’t understand why someone can’t say they’re from London if they don’t look “British”

Why wouldn’t you just move the eldest to the other school too?

It is that your eldest likes his current school?

This same thread with the same issue seems to come up every few months.

As I clearly stated, my second child has not started secondary yet. I do not know yet which school they are going to (yes I should know by now but it is a long story of council errors, due to my child having Sen). Until my second child starts school I will not have siblings priority for the first.

The confusion you are experiencing can be solved by reading the full thread. HTH

Thank you. I don't think I can be bothered to explain it all again to that poster when I have already done so. They don't seem to understand that being born in London doesn't stop the questions of 'where are you from', or make pupils accept 'London' as an answer.

Muslim? Jesus OP, I'm really sorry your child is experiencing this. Last resort, I'd be getting the police involved. It is, after all, blatant racism, which is a criminal offence. Keep a diary of everything, names, dates, times, comments.

I cannot say otherwise MNHQ may pull the thread.

I do have a paper trail for everything that has happened as I have emailed the school regarding the majority incidents.

Op I am a non white poster born in London who has faced this question my whole life. It still doesn’t mean I need to say I’m from a different country to appease bullies.

Given what the OP has said the teachers are like the best solution would be to remove the eldest from the school and report it to the relevant authorities. Making a child lie isn’t the answer I’m sorry.

Your poor daughter, this is so unacceptable from the school. Have you tried your MP? Ig they're not interested, you can try their party HQ's - if it's a mainstream party, they won't want to give the impression that they're turning a blind eye to anti-semitism, as that was such an issue for Labour.

Of course you shouldn't have to move your daughter, but it sounds like a poor school, with very weak management. If the other schools in the area are equally weak on anti-semitism, could you move to somewhere where it's less likely to be an issue, based on local demographics?

Again, of course you shouldn't have to, but life is too short to live in an area which is horrible.

As a pp said, another option is a Catholic school - less likely to tolerate bullying on religious grounds, and you could talk to the parish priest about your problems with the current school - or ask your rabbi to help, usually there are good connections between local mainstream religions.

Having the child lie about themselves could also create other issues with regards to how they feel about themselves but I do understand these are difficult times for some. I hope you find a solution.

Say you are from Central or South America You have a lot of countries to choose from.

No one should have to hide who they are whether that's Jewish, Muslim or anything else. Nor should those who are bullied have to move on to somewhere else (unless they want to).

Cover story - a grandparent on dad's side is now suddenly from Spain/Portugal or Morocco/Algeria/Tunisia via France. Or a grandparent was adopted so no one knows.

I somewhat doubt these kids will have heard of Sephardic Jews so hopefully they won't question further for Spain/Portugal. North Africa via France might be a safer bet for this audience.

Fwiw I have dark hair and get a good tan, and get confused for multiple Mediterranean nationalities. Sometimes it's easier to insist you're British and say "it's not my problem if you decide not to believe me", but that's easier for an adult than a 11 year old.

I think it's heartbreaking in this day and age that someone has to hide their heritage or religion. I am so sorry to hear that your child is going through this op. It is totally unacceptable. I think also it is difficult to pinpoint someone's background based on appearance alone. Whenever I have been introduced to someone I wouldn't guess or assume because I would normally be way out. My DH is often mistaken for being Spanish or Italian but does not have any links to either country within his family.

This sounds awful. Your poor child. I would honestly move house/jobs/whatever is needed to get your eldest to a different school

I'll suggest you check out what happened to Poland's large Jewish population.

This is appalling! I'm assuming the school's systemically anti-Jewish, so complaining to the head won't help? All the same, following the correct procedure means you can then escalate to the local authority, Department for Education and/or the Teaching Regulation Agency.

You can also report 'hate speech' to the police ... or report the teacher to PREVENT as a potential domestic terrorism threat.

Yes, I have known quite a few Jewish people whose parents/grandparents came from Poland.

Aislyn, returning to this thread I am appalled to read some staff members are as bad as the kids.

Is there no other school within reasonable distance that your children could go to and/or any way you could pay school fees? I know not all schools are like the one you speak of . You shouldn't have to move/pay fees but this is an intolerable situation for your child.

Moving would not solve the problem of the school but it would certainly benefit your child.

This situation needs to be publicised.

So tough OP. I'm sorry your poor kids are having to deal with this.
It sounds like youve done your best to deal with the school. So I'll refrain from chipping in on that.
I think practically speaking the only option for your kids will be to feign ignorance of their history. So they initially answer "London" as they would normally do, then they are pressed for more detail or origin. And all they say is "oh right, yeah not sure, mum and dad never really talk about my grandparents or their family. We are not in contact with most of them"
Something vague and non committal like that. I think trying to create an alternative backstory would get complicated IMHO

What are we voting on? Your post is very confusing. "Am I being unreasonable?" Huh?? I think you should post on a different forum just not sure which one.

What is it that makes your child "identifiably Jewish?" Is it what they wear or do they wear a Star of David pendant?

I am asking because one poster said "I’m quite shocked by the comments about looking Jewish. Jews come in all shapes sizes and colours".