To ask you to help with a cover story for my Jewish child

[Aislyn]

My eldest is at secondary school and has suffered horrific racist bullying due to being identifiably Jewish. She never told anyone, but they guessed due to her appearance, and her saying Eastern European countries when asked 'where are you from?'

Unfortunately the school has been completely unhelpful, and refused to tackle this.

My second child is starting at second and has sen. They are at even higher risk of bullying. They have an appearance that would mean that they could be identified as Jewish, especially when citing Eastern European countries in response to the above question. Can anyone think of a cover story for my child?

(Yes, I have tried to get them a place at a Jewish school, but there is none available)

Can't put my finger on it but as someone with Jewish heritage, I can - even if the person isn't dark haired. It's there, in the bearing and mannerisms. I'm 43% Ashkenazi according to dna results - I'm blonde and appear very English but a Jewish person could tell.

Have you heard of WWII. I mean come on. Jews, Poland…. Really?

OP I am really sorry yours kids are having this issue. Do you want the second child to say they’re from a southern European country? They should be proud of their ancestory, but understand that bigotry is rife.

This is awful so sorry OP. The school sound useless.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting that all Jewish people look the same or stereotypically Jewish. But there is a stereotypical Jewish look that some people pick up on and OP’s children obviously fall into that category.

Yes.

I had to smile at the other poster suggesting this anti-semitism was coming from places like Reform and GB News.

It's sad that so many posters here seem (wilfully?) not to understand what your children have to go through at school,

Given the likely make up of your child's school I don't think it's in the least surprising...

This is such a ridiculously unhelpful post. ‘
Do you honestly not think OP would have thought of doing this already??

I’m so sorry OP for what your children are going through. I went through it as a child - but for being Muslim and looking obviously non-white. Me and one other girl were the only non- white people in our class - she was Jewish - and we both got bullied and ostracised horrendously from students and teachers alike. That was in the 90s, It’s so sad this is still happening.

I can’t offer any real advice. I just had to get through it at the time and my parents moved me as soon as they could (4 years that have scarred me for most of my adult life). I wish you the best of luck and hope your second child has a much better experience. Being identifiably Jewish or Muslim or whatever else should not be a reason for people to judge you.

It's interesting how naive some of the comments are.

Do you/other family that interacts with school share the jewish look? That's relevant for the story.
I agree with finding a piece of truth and mixing it up a bit if possible (father's family is from Spain, mother's from Balkan, but they met here).

Yes, there are jewish features.
Especially people who are on-line taught antisemits probably did spent some scrolling time by learning how to recognise Jews.

I think we all know what the OP means by “not looking British” - she means her child is not “white” looking. This is about the DC’s ethnic background. Yes, British people come in all shapes, sizes and colours, but OP’s DC is clearly being singled out as “other”. Being very right-on about what “British” looks like is all well and good as rational adults, but it doesn’t help the DC in question who is open to abuse because of their heritage.

I have been asked if im jewish a LOT not all jewish people look the same i agree. Its just people were asking the op what makes her children visibly indentifiable as Jewish. Thats why people are describing traditional looks of some

Yes, that's why so few children of Displaced Persons in Fife learned their father's native tongue: the vast majority were monolingual. Many of the men changed their surname.

OP, so sorry you are experiencing this. Your eldest has been completely let down by this school. I was wondering how far through secondary she is, and if moving her might somehow be possible? Would it even be worth a bit of travel time for her, if there was a school in another borough that would take her? If you are in London, there does tend to be quite a lot of movement, so possibly worth returning to options that previously said no?

I understand why you're considering a cover story - again, really sorry you've been pushed to that. But do you think your youngest can cope with lying, or would that put even more pressure on the situation? I'd be a bit concerned that it could become a bigger issue if there was a slip up and your daughter was caught out in a lie. It might be worth getting ahead of the situation by talking to the school leadership about the experience you've had, and your concerns.

People can’t always tell. I’m 98% Ashkenazi Jewish according to my DNA, but I’ve been asked several times if I’m a convert to Judaism by other Jewish people. Apparently I don’t ’look Jewish’ 🤷‍♀️

Ok. So, the onus shouldn’t be on your kids to adapt but you’ve clearly done everything you can and apart from pulling her out of that school you sound like you have hit a wall. This is abhorrent that this happens and I’m furious on your kids behalf but given they are stuck with this for now I wanted to put what little is left of my brain to it for them.

So I’ve thought of a couple more options in the face of the digging into heritage.

Where are you from? ‘Hackney’ No really where are you from? ‘Hackney’ - repeat monotone. Then;

’I mean where are your parents from?’ - ‘No idea, you can ask them when you see them’

Or

Blank stare for as long as possible - full eye contact - then - ‘What do you mean?’ and then repeat ‘No, I’m sorry, I still don’t know what you mean.’ - ‘You are going to have to repeat that, I don’t get what you are asking’

They could have fun with it. See how many times they can repeat themselves before the racist gets bored. They could turn it into a competition between themselves. Try to make a dark thing, lighter.

They could have a competition between each other and go through the alphabet with different fibs. So answering ‘America’, ‘Barcelona’, ‘Canada’ etc.

If anyone makes comments about ‘money lenders’ etc, they could roll their eyes and say ‘what a tired old trope’ and walk away. It might leave others wondering what a trope is. Wondering if they said ‘troll’.

They could turn the tables and ask the other person the same question, and keep going - ‘no really, where are YOU from?’ ‘Where were your parents born?’, ‘what about their parents?’. Because we are all only here because of immigration/invasion historically - Saxons, Vikings etc.

A good old teenage eye roll and walking away?

But I truly believe they shouldn’t have to change - but this is the reality they are in, from what you’ve said.

Also, just to say - I’m left wing. So are most of my inner and wider circle. Not a single one of them is anti-Semitic or racist. Quite the opposite.

Sending you and your kids lots of love and strength and I’m so sorry this happening.

That was a comment from the bullies. You would know this if you had bothered to read the OP’s posts.

Me too
I'm gutted that this is happening to Jewish kids
I 100% know that I would rather be obviously Muslim (or any other faith) in my local city centre than be identifiably Jewish- I would be honestly be scared.
I cannot believe that most people aren't aware that this is happening- or am I wrong?
I'm so sorry, OP.

Still not understanding why your kids can’t just say they are from London - this makes no sense OP.

It isn’t her coat or her glasses though is it? It’s her ethnicity. Easy to say build her self confidence but did you read what so many mothers here are saying about horrendous bullying of their Jewish children. Are you saying their demeanour is to blame?

Saying they're from London won't work because the bullies won't accept it as an answer.

I don't think they're asking out of curiosity

They're anti-semitic bullies, remember?

And the school won't help

I'd sue the school if they won't do anything about anti semitism in their classroom rather than teach my kids they need a cover story for their family's heritage.

Have you read the thread?

If you post “I still can’t understand” having not bothered to read it, then you’re stupid.

If you “still can’t understand” having read it then you’re willfully obtuse at best, slightly prejudiced at worst.

I 100% know that I would rather be obviously Muslim

Are you white? What a crass thing to say.

A visibly Muslim woman in hijab was run over by a car in London couple of days for looking Muslim. Still want to look obviously Muslim? Thought not.

There seems to be a trend on this thread in deciding Muslims are the aggressors, not victims, of racism anymore, which is patently bullshit.

https://www.mylondon.news/news/uk-world-news/horror-muslim-woman-sent-flying-33593567#

No advice but really sorry that this is something you even have to discuss. What can we do to make our children better.

Yes, this is it exactly.

My children are born in London but that doesn't mean anything to the bullies.

Yes, my second child will not follow my first to the awful school. I want to move the first but I currently have no option to move to a school with less discrimination: it's not a problem unique to this school, but is the culture in a lot of schools in the area.

I think the comments of 'just move them' have an undertone of victim blaming. I have no control in this situation and have really done everything I possibly can to tackle issues at the school.

No advice either - I’m so sorry this is happening to your family. All children deserve an education and life free from prejudice.

it’s prompted me to have a discussion with my pre-teen about tolerance, understanding and integration. We readily admit we don’t know much about Judaism so will be learning more.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate those who are open minded and willing to learn.