To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

[Ruddeo]

I came to this realisation recently after years of being made to feel like a lazy piece of shit by them, because I had my first child when I was 16 and didn’t have a job until they went to school and this is part time.

Once you dig beneath the surface of the full time job, the active social life and weekends, 9 times out of 10 there’s a tired exhausted grandma who just wants some rest!

Day nurseries are full with waiting lists and new ones popping up all over the place. I think there are many, many people paying for childcare!

Where are you hearing that?

I went back to work full time when baby was 10 months. I was a single Mum and used a childminder until baby turned 2, then I found a nursery. I didn’t learn to drive until my child turned 5, I used buses and taxis.
Both of my parents worked full-time.
None of my peers have parents sat at home waiting to babysit, they’re all still working.

I also wouldn’t call it bragging, it’s very normal to use paid childcare and I would see it as a luxury to have parents who can help out with childcare.
It’s hard work though so perhaps they’re proud of what they’ve achieved whilst being a single parent.

You sound bitter. Who is acting as if "they are better than you"?

Stop this riddiculous goading. 9 out of 10 mums? Where are your facts? Most mums I know including myself do whatever they can to make it work, be it working full time or staying at home. If granny wants to help fair enough but the majority of mums I know working full time have paid childcare and don't have help. You sound so bitter.

When are we going to stop these nasty posts tearing mums down or pitting them against each other.

All my friends who work their mothers to the ground actually work part time not full time.
I work full time and my mum is already dead so I'm not doing her any harm 😂

It's very common amongst my associates and friends.

Universal credit if you must know and you can laugh if you want but I’ve learnt half the people laughing and saying they went back to work when their baby was a few months old just left the baby with their mum. Young mums I’m talking about here who didn’t have great careers that could pay for a childminder or a driving licence

Are you the poster whose parents kicked you out when you were a vulnerable child? If so, I think you might be focussing on things that are irrelevant, have counselling and only accept people's opinions in life if you would want their life.

I haven't noticed anyone bragging about full time employment, it's just a basic necessity for most people.

Right... Just make peace with your own decisions rather than tearing others down.

I’m not tearing anyone down I’m just saying some of the people who brag about working full time as mums use their own mothers as unpaid childcare.

If you do not brag while secretly using your own mothers, this dosent apply to you

Most definitely. They are all lazy and selfish, hiding at work and avoiding their real responsibilities -grandma does the real work don’t forget! OP obviously is a modern day Saint and mother of the year. If only we could all be half the mum she is 💕

My mother was dead for 10 years before I had children and my MIL lived 200 miles away. All my childcare was paid for. So no, you’re wrong.

Most people I know don’t use grandparents for childcare, we all use nurseries or childminders. Now my oldest s at school we use afterschool club for her, and then nursery for my youngest. He goes 4 days a week 8am-6pm.

Even if women had their mothers or family help out with children, what's so wrong about it? There is no rule that says that a child must be only taken care of by their mother, who must sacrifice everything. In so many countries across the world, children are brought up by together with their family and community. This notion that the grandmother is some poor, exhausted woman is odd. And what about fathers who get family support? Is that ok or are your issues specifically towards mothers? You seemed to have had a difficult time with being young yourself but that doesn't make you more superior than others. Everyone has their own challenges.

@Ruddeo did you get no support from your family or the dad’s family? Is that really your issue?

I’ve also never heard anyone bragging about this. Most people I know don’t want to work full time or near-full time, they do it because they have to, because it provides a future for DCs, because they don’t have family to fall back on so need the security.

@Ruddeo im sorry but you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder! You made the decision to have a baby at 16 and that decision has made things harder I imagine, but not much you can do now other than get on with it and start to think more maturely, stop focusing on others and focus on yourself.

So your response to feeling like shit is to make other mothers feel like shit? Right.

Nurseries are generally 8 till 6. I'm not sure where you live that they close at 3. Childminders similar hours in my experience. I don't know anyone who relies on grandparents full time, or any grandparents who would agree to do so full time.

There’s nothing wrong with it if it works for the family. Just don’t try and say other people are lazy while hiding the fact granny is doing everything

They asked their mothers to provide secret childcare?

I can think of a few mothers and MILs (not that you mention MILs?) who provided a bit of childcare but it wasn't a big deal.

However, it did cause some jealousy for some for whom it wasn't possible.

For a lot of people that can’t afford childcare, that is normal. The couple works split shifts and one takes care of the child and one works. Then they swap.

It feels like you have an issue with one or two women and you’ve extrapolated this into something much bigger. It really isn’t uncommon that a woman stops work after having children because the cost of childcare is prohibitive.

You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone by saying you do more physically because you walk everywhere. Your child is at school now, you could look for other work options which could allow you to work full time, if that is what is best for you and your family. Or if you enjoy your job, keep working there around your partner’s shifts. If you can learn to drive, that would probably free up some time in getting to work and open you up to more opportunities if you don’t enjoy this job. Having this chip on your shoulder though is probably affecting some relationships with other mums.

See, this is the kind of attitude that has wound OP up.

I assume she did what so many single mothers of preschoolers do in the real world and relied on benefits. Because, in the real world, the childcare often just isn't there.

Just as an example, there are now no childminders in our village- none whatsoever. And no nurseries. After school club finishes at 5.15 - and at my DCs' last school it was 4.30. We live at least half an hour from most of the towns where you would be employed in a 9-5 job, so how is that even going to work?

I’ve always worked full time and I don’t have family nearby to do that.

Used nursery plus (once they were 3 ish) a live in au pair when mine were small.

Then after school club/ after school childminder once they were at school.

Grandparents were very kind and would come down from time to time to lend a hand but they weren’t part of the weekly set up because they aren’t anywhere nearby.

Sure a lot of people do have consistent family support but I’m not quite sure what you mean by “they act like they did it” - surely they can’t be implying they can bi locate? So someone must have had their kids whilst they were at work. GPs or nursery it’s still someone caring for the child.

Other young mums, not older mums who already had a good career that could pay for a childminder and a driving licence to get around. I’m talking about the young mums that were 16 like me saying they’ went to work when their baby was a few months old. Where did baby go while they were working? Usually its grandma and then they try and act like other young mums are just lazy