To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

[Ruddeo]

I came to this realisation recently after years of being made to feel like a lazy piece of shit by them, because I had my first child when I was 16 and didn’t have a job until they went to school and this is part time.

Once you dig beneath the surface of the full time job, the active social life and weekends, 9 times out of 10 there’s a tired exhausted grandma who just wants some rest!

Who ‘brags’ about working full time ? I have literally never heard anyone do that.
Similar to some other posters, my
mother had passed away several years before I had my first child. My husband’s mother lived a hundred miles away. We used paid nursery for our pre-school children, same as all the other working mums I knew back then. The whole thing was a massive struggle and daily stress but for me, staying in employment was very important to me so we
got through it. I don’t recall any bragging, quite the opposite.

Well I think it’s ridiculous that people are prioritised for social housing because they have children and they never had the means to support the child when they conceived them. At least the people using grandparents for childcare aren’t draining resources (and no, I don’t have any family support. I work from home to facilitate my own childcare).
Some people might think you ‘lucked out’ by being able to a raise a child whilst not having to worry about work.

If you read the OP's updates, one of the purposes of this thread was to help a younger women in similar position.
It took Ruddeo some time to understand that people around her who made her feel lesser than weren't really better, they just had better options, and she wanted to share it here.

Unfortunately, this intention got derailed by women from totally different bubbles being defensive about the 9/10.

I'm sure you feel judged for having a baby at 16 and having to go onto UC. I wouldn't normally like to judge someone for that but as you're going around judging other people... at least those women are supporting their dc financially, and the arrangements between them and their mothers are none of your business.

My mum lives 3hrs away and MIL 7hrs away so we only ever used paid childcare. It wasn’t much fun for anyone but we made it work.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

not a young mum, but my mum was and looks after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

Most of the people I know that work full time have a bit of an entourage of family around them. I work two days and have no family help. Plus a mum with dementia. Yes I still feel like I am looked down on a bit for not working more hours.

@Ruddeo

I don't know ANYone who uses their mother as a full time childminder. Not a single person.

Sounds like you are projecting MASSIVELY, and you sound a bit jealous, and as a few posters have said, you have a massive chip on your shoulder. Where on EARTH are you getting this 9 out of 10 figure from?! 9 out 10 working mothers use their mother as the childminder for their children FREE OF CHARGE? WTAF?! 😆

I have no idea where you live, but this does NOT happen where I come from.

YABVU. This thread is proving you are very wrong.

Maybe people would be more amenable to you slagging off FT working mothers who are net contributors if
a. You had a valid point
b. you were a net contributor yourself

Instead you've come on here shouting the odds when the very woman you want to criticise are funding your (questionable) life choices....

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

If someone is a young mum how much babysitting are they even getting?

Their mum (gran) is likely to be working themselves?

I’m not a young mum, but my mum was and dropped her working hours in part, to look after my kids 1 day a week so I can work - shoot me.

It's very area dependent.

Areas with high paying graduate careers - then it near all paid childcare fulltime.

Other areas in often mixed paid/family- if family are around to help.

I was constantly ciritised by MIL for not working and she pointed out all those who managed every time they had huge amounts of family help. Thing was years later including sister they "forget" how much help they had and rewrite history then yes I did find they look down on others who either had to use paid or were SAHP.

Apols for repeated posts 😳

You’re consistently deflecting any question that challenges your viewpoint. You seem determined not to consider alternative perspectives, and you’re deliberately misrepresenting what others are saying. Why is that?

Not every country pays women to stay home with their young children. In the U.S. you go back to work, and not after a year of maternity leave, more like 6 weeks.

You have quite the chip on your shoulder. Think you need to look internally and work on your self esteem instead of attacking an imaginary majority of women who use their mothers as free childcare.

Yep, this. ^

I think any age mums who work minimum wage jobs or similar do actually have it really hard if they want to work. Not everyone has the ability/qualifications to do a job that means you come out with a profit that pays for your actual outgoings plus the costs of your daily life. Nursery costs are really expensive even if you do have a good job.

I see where OP is coming from. Some people are fortunate to have family who can help out. Some are not so fortunate. It isn't OP's fault that she wasn't lucky enough to have family to help out.

If you work a minimum wage job (and don't forget that minimum wage is less if you are under 18) then it might not even cover the costs of nursery. Minimum wage for 16-17 year olds is currently £8 per hour. For 18-20 year olds it's less than £11. Even for those over 20 it's only just under £13 an hour.

Nurseries often work out around £10 per hour or more in more expensive areas. Cheap areas aren't that cheap where nurseries are concerned, even if there is a place! A younger mum working a minimum wage job and topping up anyway with UC is not actually going to be seeing much of a profit from working. It's very easy for those of us who have good qualifications to say 'well, get a better job'. It isn't always as easy as that.

And those minimum wage jobs are keeping the country running. Shops, caring roles, factories etc. People in jobs like this may well need to claim benefits to give their family a basic minimum quality of life. It isn't their fault.

The entire country is being subsidised by the govt, not because people don't want to work but because the jobs available don't pay a decent wage and those doing them will need to claim benefits anyway. Why are we subsidising companies that make huge profits? Why aren't they paying a fair living wage?

I haven't worked a minimum wage job since I was a student, so no skin in the game. But I understand that it isn't as easy for everyone as it was for me (and it wasn't that easy for me tbh).

I work full time but my mum died when I was a child… work that one out

They aren't offended, they are just pointing out the inaccuracies in your claims. If you'd posted a thread about the fact that people look down on teenage mums, you would have had lots of agreement and empathy. Posting a chippy thread with wildly exaggerated claims about almost everyone practically using their exhausted mums as slave labour? Not so much.

I hate to burst your bubble, but not only do I not use childcare, free or otherwise, but I work full time and I also have time to get to the gym three times a week.
I don’t know why you are so worked up by women who manage to do this.

UC covers the vast majority of nursery fees though doesn’t it?

I expect it does cover quite a lot and admit I don't know the actual details - I would like to. But it probably covers term time only and requires a substantial top up for full time work with the normal amount of holiday.

Plus, honestly, if you worked in a supermarket on £10 or less an hour (which is actually physically quite demanding) would you rather be at home with your baby on the same money or put them in childcare requiring you to top up and actually potentially lose some money, especially given that working in a shop may not offer some people any real prospects to improve their circumstances long term? I'd take a few years out and go back to work when it was financially better for me to do so personally (like when the kid(s) were at school and I didn't have to pay for expensive nursery fees).

It is not the fault of people on low paid jobs that the world is like this.

Apparently you can claim 85% of childcare costs on UC judging by a quick google. If you live in London and your nurseries are £10+ per hour and your wage is £8 because you are 17, then working represents a substantial loss in income and in you and your child's quality of life. Even if you are earning just over a tenner an hour because you are 18, that's still a loss! I appreciate other areas of the country may differ.