To think all these mothers bragging about working full time are just using their own mothers as unpaid childcare?

[Ruddeo]

I came to this realisation recently after years of being made to feel like a lazy piece of shit by them, because I had my first child when I was 16 and didn’t have a job until they went to school and this is part time.

Once you dig beneath the surface of the full time job, the active social life and weekends, 9 times out of 10 there’s a tired exhausted grandma who just wants some rest!

It is my experience too. However, I'm an old mum , not like you. I had my children late. They're 10 and 6 now, and although we use paid childcare, it's after school clubs until 4.30 p., and there's really nothing else around. There are two childminders in the area, and they're always full. We're lucky my husband works from home and I finish work at 4 pm at the latest (supply teacher). We'd never manage with the school holidays as we'd spend a lot of money, and the kids would hate it. One of my children is autistic and believe me,we tried, but he's so anxious that clubs have been an awful experience for him. Most mums I know around us use a mixture of paid care, wfh and family. We don't have the luxury of having family helping out so here we are. Don't feel shit, you've got it hard. Good luck.

Children grow out of nursery and after that, it's actually much harder to find wraparound care. It's a lottery.

That is not my experience. My children’s school offer after school care the same hours as their nursery offered - up until 6pm.

I don’t know anyone isn’t using some kind of similar service.

The same applies to school holidays.

I don’t think grandparents help out with this kind of childcare half as much as people claim or think they do.

You don’t believe there are people who dislike 16 year old mums? A variety of people have told me I must be lazy and a loser and also been accused of only keeping my baby for benefits a few times.
Not looking for sympathy now just answering your question. I’m not sure why you don’t believe me. You’ve really never met anyone who thinks this way?

Of course there are. Mums are judged no matter who we are. We’re judged for being too young, being too old, working, being a stay at home parent, being a single mum, only having 1 child, having too many children, being in a same sex relationship, the list goes on and on.

I believe you. Young mums are judged, older mums are judged, women who work full time are judged, as are women who don't. You seem to be joining in with the judginess though, by judging those who have help from their family. In any case, you are wrong. As has been pointed out upthread, 63% use paid childcare, not 10% as you suggested.

I think it's more the fact you're frothing at the mouth over something that happened when you were a teenager. Most of us have grown up and dealt with it by the time we're adults.

You're chatting a world of shit OP. I know zero people in the UK who have a grandparent doing any childcare. A handful of pals back in ireland have a day of care a week from parents but they're in the minority. Where do you live?

Thats not what you said though? I can believe there are some people who look down on young mums.

But you said 9/10 mums who work have free childcare from grandparents. I can guarantee you that is not the case.

And I have spent tens of thousands of pounds on childcare and been judged for it for years so it kind of pisses me off that you’re suggesting its an easy option.

NRTFT

Bit of a generalisation! We’ve never had childcare from any family and both work full time.
we had to factor in nursery costs when planning when to try for our kids.

Have you seen the amount of whinging on here about grandparents not babysitting?.😂

I have met lots of people who would disapprove of 16 year old mums.

But in truth, it’s not usually about whether they work or not.

I would assume much of the prejudice you faced wasn’t about unemployment, as many (many) 16 year olds don’t work - it will have been more likely about your age.

Its not right that people called you lazy for having a kid at 16. They are dickheads. Don't join in by pointing the finger at people who you think have it easier, as everyone has their troubles in this life. Just do the best you can with the hand you're dealt, and love your kids. That's all that matters.

How old are you now @Ruddeo ?

Maybe as the people who are saying it are actually at work at the time so don't see this???

Maybe it's the area that you live in that the grandparents don't need to work. Many do. I could be a great grandma by the time I reach retirement age

Erm.....where is my tired exhausted Grandma behind the scenes....she appears to have been MIA for the last 16 years?

My experience is full time working mums get more criticism than those who work part time or stay home. This may change a bit once kids are school aged tbf but working full time with kids is never talked about positively where I live (other than re. income, but there’s always a caveat re. never seeing kids etc).

At my workplace I got mainly gasps when i said i was coming back full time. Everyone else I know with young kids dropped their hours. I paid nursery for 3 days and was prepared to pay 5, but at the grandparents (on husbands side, none on mine left) insistence we let them have two days at first which has been scaled back to 1 every other week as wfh has helped me out a bit. The grandparent help is appreciated but it is all on their terms and sometimes I wished I’d kept childcare out with family, as it can bring other issues.

How were you paying your rent and raising a child at 16 if you were not working?

The working women are paying taxes to fund those on benefits (which I would assume applies to you unless you were living with family and then that in itself could be seen as getting support?)

It was about unemployment too, lots of people saying they worked hard starting from 12 or whatever and accusing me of only having my child as an excuse not to get a job because I’m lazy

Where are you meeting so many people who are expressing such opinions and under what circumstances?

I was responding to someone accusing me of lying about people being rude to me.
Maybe 9/10 was an exaggeration needless to say I still know plenty of people who brag about working full time while having a grandparent doing all the childcare. Not to mention bragging about hitting the gym every day, while grandma babysits.

If you pay for childcare this isn’t about you. If you have a mother who babysits but you don’t go around bragging about how hardworking you are then this isn’t about you either. So I’m not sure why people are so offended

I don’t know anybody who doesn’t use paid childcare the majority of the time.

Yeah, those 9/10 was an over simplification. I wouldn't be surprised thought if 9/10 of those judging mums like the OP while boasting about themselves working actually had significant grandparental help.
Women who manage everything themselves understand too well how the choices work and why someone with the job options of a normal 16yo wouldn't make the same choices.

OK, 63% use some form of paid childcare - it doesn't say they don't have a relevant family help at the same time. Many combine a few days paid and a few days in family, a few hours in the afternoon a few times a week, or just backup pickups, all of which just isn't available for everyone. Which is nothing against those lucky enough, but it changes when they look down at someone who made different choices while the same choices weren't even available for them.

Anyone whose parents paid for lessons at 17 going around and explaining that it is soo essential and how standard it is without realising that they wouldn't have been able to do it without their parent's money is part of the problem this thread was supposed to be about.

school nurseries finish at3. Most private nurseries are 7am -6pm. I have paid full time nursery fees without any funding (the 30 hours free funding just came in for the last year of paid childcare for my final child.) I have paid over £1000 a month for childcare whilst working full time. I haven't had any grandparent help. I might know a couple of people whose parents help out with a daybut most do it by themselves. I have one friend who works 4 days per week and each of her nanas do 2 daysshe is truly the exception tho. I think its more like 1/10 have help

This was years ago. Why are you still upset about it? People can say whatever they like. Unless you had your child to get out of working, I don't see how anything they say applies to you in any way.