AIBU to be upset by my neighbours' huge extension?

[ElfinsMum]

We (family of 5) live in a 30 year old property built on a small site that was originally our neighbour's garden. We bought several years ago from them. At that time, they were doing a renovation on the old cottage as the grandmother had died so that the early 20s DGD and her partner could move in. At the time i was a bit 🤔about it if i'm honest just because my (wealthy as it happens) parents have never and would never give me a house, let alone spend weeks personally slaving over a full blown renovation for me. Since then we have lived perfectly peacefully next door to them.

Now they are doing a large extension. They have bulldozed their whole back garden and the final house will now stretch all the way along our boundary front to back, as well as adding an extra storey to overlook our whole bungalow. The builders literally have to work on our land all day to build it. They have even had to remove a small section of our drive to lay foundations. They have moved out for the duration, i assume back with mum and dad for free. We are stuck here.

I know i am not being unreasonable to worry that their huge new extension will be ugly, dominate our space, reduce our privacy and probably damage the value of our house.

BUT we love living here, love the area, school, public transport, other neighbours etc. Our house is worn and lived in as everyone's is that is 15 years into this parenting caper.

I am aware, as you will now be, that I am being bitter and twisted on the subject. How can i continue to like living in our home? How do i avoid turning into one of THOSE people that has a stupid one-sided vendetta with the neighbours? How do i avoid being resentful that they will have a massive, polished home for the two of them, while we slum it over here with 5 of us in a cottage with one bathroom and a kitchen made of MDF? How do i forgive them for choosing to use every centimetre of their land when they must know it is at our expense?

P.S. The development meets local planning regs to the milimetre so don't bother with planning arguments.

You're falling into the classic Mn trap of fuming about 'What other people should know or do.' All you can control if your own actions. Here you had the option of objecting or not objecting, and of talking to your neighbours at the planning stage or not talking to them. Not talking to them has not (a) improved your situation or (b) stopped you fuming.

'The builders literally have to work on our land all day to build it. They have even had to remove a small section of our drive to lay foundations. They have moved out for the duration, i assume back with mum and dad for free. We are stuck here'

Any damage that is done to your property they should offer to put right or pay you to have put right. Also if their extension reduces the value of your house you can seek legal advice. Did you not receive their planning application so you could object to the size of the build? Once it's finished see how it affects you & your family & make desissions on how you all feel rather than on how you feel now.

They aren’t thinking about you, or at least not to the degree that they’ll prioritize your wishes over their own when it comes to their property.

The neighbours are only thrilled that the OP and her family are so passive.
They are getting away with murder.

Absolutely, very few people would prioritise the neighbours over their own needs in their own homes, snd I’m fairly sure telling them they are selfish will have them side eyeing her for ever and thinking she’s a Really odd duck.

arguably it’s selfish to not want your neighbours to do what’s permissible in their own homes so you don’t get affected.

I think most people would be sad or angry. Except they’d object and speak to the neighbours, not let it go ahead without murmur and then complain on mumsnet.