AIBU to be upset by my neighbours' huge extension?

[ElfinsMum]

We (family of 5) live in a 30 year old property built on a small site that was originally our neighbour's garden. We bought several years ago from them. At that time, they were doing a renovation on the old cottage as the grandmother had died so that the early 20s DGD and her partner could move in. At the time i was a bit 🤔about it if i'm honest just because my (wealthy as it happens) parents have never and would never give me a house, let alone spend weeks personally slaving over a full blown renovation for me. Since then we have lived perfectly peacefully next door to them.

Now they are doing a large extension. They have bulldozed their whole back garden and the final house will now stretch all the way along our boundary front to back, as well as adding an extra storey to overlook our whole bungalow. The builders literally have to work on our land all day to build it. They have even had to remove a small section of our drive to lay foundations. They have moved out for the duration, i assume back with mum and dad for free. We are stuck here.

I know i am not being unreasonable to worry that their huge new extension will be ugly, dominate our space, reduce our privacy and probably damage the value of our house.

BUT we love living here, love the area, school, public transport, other neighbours etc. Our house is worn and lived in as everyone's is that is 15 years into this parenting caper.

I am aware, as you will now be, that I am being bitter and twisted on the subject. How can i continue to like living in our home? How do i avoid turning into one of THOSE people that has a stupid one-sided vendetta with the neighbours? How do i avoid being resentful that they will have a massive, polished home for the two of them, while we slum it over here with 5 of us in a cottage with one bathroom and a kitchen made of MDF? How do i forgive them for choosing to use every centimetre of their land when they must know it is at our expense?

P.S. The development meets local planning regs to the milimetre so don't bother with planning arguments.

As you are outside the UK, no ideal.

In the UK they would be expected to pay to return your property to the way it was before (relay drive, landscape planted areas etc) but as you are not in the UK no one will know unless you tell us where you are and someone knows the law there.

“The builders literally have to work on our land all day to build it”

So why do you let them? You say it’s because you want them to finish quickly; you say you didn’t oppose planning permission because you didn’t want to fall out with the neighbours - but you could have said,”No objection to the plans but they may not come onto our property at all - I don’t want their builders on my land” - and they would have had to modify the plans. Digging up your driveway is outrageous. It seems, though, from reading all your posts, that what you actually mind about is that a young person has been gifted a house and you haven’t. That’s life. Sometimes you’re lucky; sometimes you’re not. Some people get fabulous jobs/legacies/gifted family money; most of us just plod on doing the best we can. You need to get over being so bitter about your NDN - so she’s lucky. Whatever the extended house is like, it doesn’t take away from what you have.

And you do not consent to their contractors accessing your land until you have an acceptable agreement in writing.

ask for:

• timeline of works including when they expect to need access to your land
• remediation works by a contractor of your choice, to the previous standard, for your garden and driveway or a cash amount based on the average of quotes from three contractors chosen by you
• considerate working hours and no loud music in the area near your house
• no work in or near your garden at weekends

I'm sorry OP, this sounds like a shit situation but you can only do what's in your power to do. Document and take photos of all the damage to your garden and drive (do you have some "before" pictures you can dig out?) They will need to pay for the damage. I'm not sure whether they'd also be obliged to cover the cost of screens / landscaping solutions to restore your privacy; but you should start investigating the options. Planting some quick growing trees or bamboo might look nicer than just a screen alone?

Because by not accessing the land the wall would have looked absolutely awful. Believe me we tried everything to stop him doing what he did including solicitors letters but eventually it came down to did we want a horrendously ugly unpainted wall or a decent one painted to match the rest of his house.

The scandal is that you cannot force someone to make a party wall agreement.

My year of hell being described as 'rolling over' is rather ironic.

Btw there is no mention of party walls in the local planning regs that I could see. There was a section on rules when building on the boundary but it also stated that these are relaxed when an original block has been subdivided as ours has been. I also would say that over development of small sites is quite normal here and what they are doing is pretty common. There are several examples along our street and many more if you head into the neighbouring, more expensive area.

@ElfinsMumNot the builders fault? No agreed. It’s your fault. You have been far too relaxed about this. Secure your property and ask for repairs. The owners will say it’s the fault of the builders and you will have an issue with them now. The owners will deny responsibility. Secure your land and speak to the builders. The owners almost certainly won’t pay for screening. You can try! Somewhat late in the day.

I think you have to both agree to the type of fence.

I would never agree to a big metal fence.
Can you ask for a paling or wood fence?

Plant a barrier near your fence. I would start planting Hops plants on very tall poles and a non clumping bamboo like Bambusa Textilis Gracilis.
Think of adding a large shade tree in your garden.
Privacy is your aim.

At leact you have a sweet cottage and not a huge monstronsity in which to live.

If it’s fine for them to build on the boundary then you can’t argue that BUT they shouldn’t be accessing your side of the boundary to do it without your permission. I can’t imagine any jurisdiction allows wilful trespass and property damage to build an extension

As I have already said, its nothing to do with the planning process, its about trespass and damage to YOUR property. Honestly did the builders just turn up and start working on your property and you didn't go out and tell them to stop? If a stranger turned up and starting digging up your garden would you not stop them?

Yes there is a pride that comes from saying we earned this, but what happens if that comes too late for a lot of people?

Take your situation, you are a family of 5 living in (I cant remember the exact way you described it earlier but the MDF kitchen stood out), you might have earned a bigger house in 5 years, 10 years who knows. By that stage some of the kids may have moved out and actually the time when you really needed the house has passed.

Someone who receives help from parents get the house they need when they need.

If a parent can afford it why would they not want to make their childs life easier and better?

The way a lot of parents (mine included) look at these things is "you're going to get this money one day anyway, I would rather you get it now when you need it and when we are around to see you enjoy it"

I know you said you’re not in the UK, but do you have home insurance with legal cover? Do you have a mortgage company who also have an interest in your property? I think this needs a hell of a lot more than just a letter. In your shoes I’d be onto a lawyer sharpish. You need to make sure this boundary fudge is done legitimately, so that you don’t have any headaches if you ever come to sell. And it will be far easier to make any amends now than before the whole thing is built.

@CarrotVan Neither do they have to give permission. No access is reasonable. We did this with DM when neighbour extended. They build from the inside out. If they build up yo a boundary, it’s their issue regarding the work needed, not yours.

My DH went out yes and asked them what they were doing. They showed him the marked up boundary, which it seems was a foot or so outside the fence line.

They had a surveyer and an architect and everything. It will be correct. Just.

But yes I think less of them. Because I have bitten my tongue to preserve the relationship and respect their rights. But they have told me who they are through their actions as people on here say.

You need to get a party wall surveyor immediately and your neighbours should not have started work until a party wall agreement was in place of the work is taking place within 3m from the boundary. You don’t need to worry about the cost of the surveyor because it’s up to your neighbours to pay for this. I can’t believe you have let this work go ahead without raising your concerns over the planing application but most of all not getting a party wall agreement in place. While we never expected thst our objections woukd stop our new neighbours from building their extension, our comments were taken into consideration by the council and they insisted on some design changes to make it more aesthetically acceptable, so it was well worth making comments on the application. They were not allowed to start excavation or other work near to the boundary until both sets of party wall surveyors had reached a formal agreement which protected our interests. These laws are there to give a degree of protection to neighbours in these circumstances - if you don’t borer to comment on planing applications or employ a party wall surveyor then you really do lose your right to complain.

Btw i think some posters may think we have 5 kids. I said we are a family of 5, just the 3 kids.

Not that i'm knocking people with 5 kids. My kids are friendly with 2 kids who have 3 other siblings. Super nice family.

Why are you so worried about this “relationship” when they clearly don’t give a shit about it? You being so passive is letting them quite literally walk all over you. It’s one thing to let builders on your property, once a proper legal framework is in place, quire another for them to wreck your drive. You need to redirect your anger, go ballistic at the damage, and get the builders off your land until everything is formalised.

Why did you let them dig up your drive and into your garden, what's the law in your country.

Good question. The parents who can afford to gift their children a house or flat are surely a small minority of the county as a whole, but I guess that if you know one person in this position, you are more likely to know several. I only know parents who have provided some or all of a deposit; I have no friends or relatives of any generation who could afford to buy their son or daughter a whole property, or who would want to, probably. As you say, is it healthy? Maybe that depends on the child and how well they understand and handle money.

My lovely neighbours had an extension that takes some where between 2 and hours of sunlight from our patio depending on the time of year. It still winds me up 7 years later - especially as they didn’t match the bricks so it looks a mess.

they are lovely though.

We could. They could have a small house near us or deposit for a more expensive area. One chose deposit and one has not yet decided. DH was a high earner. We saw it as important. We have more than enough for our needs. Most parents give towards a deposit if they can. Appreciate some cannot.

I think you’re being deeply naive that the presence of an architect and surveyor means it’s necessarily planning compliant or doesn’t illegally encroach — the architect and surveyor work for your neighbours, not the local authority. And why is the boundary in the wrong place if the neighbours were the ones who sold the plot your house is built on? I mean, wouldn’t they have put it in exactly the place that suited them? And it’s not legal for them to be on your land, regardless. Our neighbours had to ask us for two ‘legs’ of their scaffolding to be on our property while they re plastered. They’re mid-terrace and have asked twice if they could have garden waste, including large tree branches, taken out through our garden. The first time we said yes. The second time, we’d had our garden landscaped and said no, so they had to take it out through their house.

There’s zero point in seething in meek silence and venting on here because you’re too much of a wet lettuce to tell the builders they’re not allowed to be on your property.

Where do you live OP ?

You sound very weak and passive. You say you know nothing about planning but decided by yourself that their application was 'correct'.

Before I allowed my home and its value to be destroyed, I'd have had a planning consultant look at the application and advise me.

But you'd rather accept whatever they want to do without checking? That's very strange. You seem to assume just because they are wealthy that they'll stick to the rules. Very naive.

Definitely not because they are wealthy. But yes I would expect a qualified architect and surveyor to advise them to do things legally. It wouldn't be in their interest to be identified as dodgy by the local authority (which is one of the strictest here).

Whether the local government planners are above reproach is a bit more of a question mark here. The government corruption rating is a bit less squeaky clean than UK.