AIBU to be upset by my neighbours' huge extension?

[ElfinsMum]

We (family of 5) live in a 30 year old property built on a small site that was originally our neighbour's garden. We bought several years ago from them. At that time, they were doing a renovation on the old cottage as the grandmother had died so that the early 20s DGD and her partner could move in. At the time i was a bit 🤔about it if i'm honest just because my (wealthy as it happens) parents have never and would never give me a house, let alone spend weeks personally slaving over a full blown renovation for me. Since then we have lived perfectly peacefully next door to them.

Now they are doing a large extension. They have bulldozed their whole back garden and the final house will now stretch all the way along our boundary front to back, as well as adding an extra storey to overlook our whole bungalow. The builders literally have to work on our land all day to build it. They have even had to remove a small section of our drive to lay foundations. They have moved out for the duration, i assume back with mum and dad for free. We are stuck here.

I know i am not being unreasonable to worry that their huge new extension will be ugly, dominate our space, reduce our privacy and probably damage the value of our house.

BUT we love living here, love the area, school, public transport, other neighbours etc. Our house is worn and lived in as everyone's is that is 15 years into this parenting caper.

I am aware, as you will now be, that I am being bitter and twisted on the subject. How can i continue to like living in our home? How do i avoid turning into one of THOSE people that has a stupid one-sided vendetta with the neighbours? How do i avoid being resentful that they will have a massive, polished home for the two of them, while we slum it over here with 5 of us in a cottage with one bathroom and a kitchen made of MDF? How do i forgive them for choosing to use every centimetre of their land when they must know it is at our expense?

P.S. The development meets local planning regs to the milimetre so don't bother with planning arguments.

I’d do the same, as otherwise it will drag out longer.

no its not about objecting to building regs, its about your rights over your land. Are you saying you never considered your own rights?

But how fancy does a house need to be to be enjoyable @OhDear111 ? We are happy in our home and don't value spending on stuff. But we live somewhere where many people would consider one bathroom and no island in the kichen "unliveable"!!

I think some of this is culture clash tbh.

They carved off part of the garden and built a house on it, which you bought. Surely, this tells you that they are looking to profit from this inherrited property? The 'big house', once finished, will probably also be sold for a huge profit and they will move somewhere else. Living with building disruptions is not easy and you should certainly make sure they make good anything along the boundary that is affected by that. Lastly, if you want to take them to court for devaluing your property, you could do that. Personally, if I couldn't contain my irrational jealousy of my neighbours, I would look to move house once the building work is finished.

They're doing nothing wrong if its within planning regs. You'll only asked yourself miserable hating them, nothing will change. You made the choice to allow Thomson your land for the build, out of interest why did you?

Respectfully, given the fact that you seem to think your existence is predicated on not bothering other people, this is ridiculous. You sound as if you were looking for an excuse not to object to planning. You are also not required to allow them access to your land, far less wreck your garden. Find a backbone, OP. Seething about how being given a house is ‘princessy’ is just distracting you from the stuff you can change.

No we didn't. We were never asked. I don't know very much about the planning process in this country so no idea whether that's an error.

But now it's in progress, i want the builders to be able to work as fast as possible.

Don’t be so silly. If you’ve brought your children up right then no, it doesn’t stop them being independent or having ambition.

It shouldn’t be frowned upon to help your children if you can, because if you can, you should. Nobody should have to struggle just so people like you don’t feel hard done by.

@ElfinsMum
Well, you come across as jealous of the house next door! So if you don’t care, why say about the house at all? Its newness is obviously bugging you.

I do get pleasure from my house. It’s large and lovely. You are at odds with your neighbour so obviously not everyone thinks like you but you don’t want to spend the money. Your choice but I love having a house I’m proud of and it’s got a 15 year old kitchen. It still fills me with joy every morning. You don’t appear to like yours so why not have something better if you can afford it? You prefer to criticise others for what they appreciate. Your neighbours want something better and you resent it.

Of course we didn't want to object to planning. Who wants to get into a fight with their neighbours?

Why do you agree to them using your garden. Can’t you say no?

An unwinnable fight too

To me it sounds like your bitter because your wealthy parents didn’t help you, and you’ve now gone on to have a large family yourself that you too won’t be able to help on the housing ladder. It’s horribly bitter and twisted to be sniffy about a generous family helping their youngsters - probably gives the grandparents security too, knowing they have family on hand!

There are two types of people in my experience “I struggled so I will do all in my power to help my kids” and “I struggled so you can too” bad luck that your parents are type two really OP!

Didn't know they were going to until they were. Once they were, it seems quicker to let them get on with it. I can't see how they would build the wall all down the boundary without access tbh.

This exact thing happened to me here in the UK. They used their whole back garden and built right up to the boundary. They should have got a party wall agreement but didn't. They ruined our garden and refused to pay. We ended up with a huge looming wall to look at rather than a fence. The planners couldn't have given less of a shit.

Anyway, I moved. They had really ruined my little haven with their attitude ( laughed in my face when I complained about the damage to my garden) and general selfishness.

So I sympathise with you. I think you should definitely ask for your garden to be returned to what it was. Then I'd live with it got 6 months whilst looking at other options. Then decide whether to stay or go

My parents have never struggled a day in their lives!! They didn't earn their money. Well, not most of it. They are very snobby about people who made their own money 😂

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say - you need to be more considerate when building this, you need to make right the damage to our garden / home (if there is any). You need to look into your legal rights in the country you’re in for this should you need them, which it seems you haven’t done.

But from your responses here something makes me feel that you won’t. Perhaps you should end the thread and continue to seethe?

@Bulbsbulbsbulbs In the uk you get a solicitors letter to say no access to your land. We stopped DMs neighbour doing this. They don’t have any right to access your land without an agreement, so say you want one. Why roll over?

That is a ‘them’ problem. They have no right to trespass on your land and destroy your property (plants, fences etc). This is not essential maintenance and even if it was they would still need to make good. You need to either talk to them and get a written agreement about access and remediation or contact a solicitor to do it for you.

in terms of being on bad terms - do you socialise with them, do they take in your parcels or help with your bins, is there any material difference made in your life by them being pissed off with you for asserting your rights politely and firmly?

Where are you based please?
Do your office copie entries have any clauses for a right to light and air?

Ok, it looks like we should write to them and say they should have requested access to our land for the build and that we want them to pay to make good our garden and driveway once they are finished.

Do you think that would cover screening plants/trellising along their side wall?

But that’s their problem! By not objecting to the planning, not throwing the builders off your land, not telling them they are not allowed to ruin your garden, you are giving the impression you’re fine with all of this, and aren’t someone who needs consulting!

Ultimately this, perfectly reasonable to be sad and upset that your living arrangements are no longer as perfect as they used to be. Nothing you can do to stop or change that so you have to move on and accept the new situation

Haven't read full thread, but do they have party wall agreement in place with you? They should do if building up to /close to boundary, and various conditions can be added in around hours and manner of work, potential compensation etc.

If they haven't, they have left themselves wide open to claims for any damage from you, and as they have breached guidance by not getting it, you would be likely to win any claims.

However, you probably don't want bad feeling with them, but definitely look into party wall for your own info, and document their works as evidence. If you have any pre work photos that would also help

But it's not the builders' fault is it? Why throw a strop at them? The couple are nowhere to be seen since 2 weeks ago.