You can eat that, you are nice and slim…

[Arriba]

What would be a good response to this patronising remark I hear often enough from random people who don’t mean to offend but fail to realise that I am slim in my late forties precisely because I do not eat every cake put in front of me?

I hear people who have lost weight being praised for their effort - good for them. But lifetime of moderation (I want that cake / another cocktail / few more chips as much as anyone else) is not recognised as much of an effort as a diet with drastic results. It’s not a genetic lottery, it’s not effortless willpower, it’s a sustained choice I make at every meal / food shop / event.

Even if I do not say it out loud, I am sick of smiling politely in response to another colleague / random person on holiday, feeling entitled to comment on my healthy weight like it’s their mission to sabotage it.

Yeah, that is annoying, I hear you. Although I don’t think you would feel necessarily feel better for giving a barbed retort. I would just keep saying no thank you. If your restraint bothers them, let it bother them.

I hear you!

I’ve found this has got worse with age and the number of comments about how the menopause must have been a breeze for me because I didn’t put on weight. I didn’t put on weight because I ate less and exercised more as soon as I noticed it creeping up.

Its rude and you should ask people why they think its ok to comment on your weight.

I am size 'chunky' and remember going for a group fish and chip meal at work one day that served huge portions. I was shocked how much some of the quite small women ate, many of them more than I could ever manage.
And it was a light bulb moment that even though they can eat that much, they choose not to. I'm still chunky BTW but now better appreciate the effort many slim people put into managing their weight.

The response is yes i can and i will! Doesnt bother me in the least

I think there’s a bit of truth on both sides that often gets lost in these discussions.

Maintaining moderate habits over many years does involve effort and repeated choices. Long-term consistency is hard in any area of life. At the same time, research in behavioural psychology and nutrition shows that appetite, food reward, stress, sleep and genetics all influence how difficult those choices feel for different people. What feels like “normal moderation” to one person can genuinely feel like constant uphill work for someone else.
So I’m not convinced it’s just a matter of willpower, but it’s also not fair to assume people who stay slim are doing it effortlessly. Most people are navigating their own mix of habits, biology and environment.

In general it’s probably best if we all stop commenting on other people’s bodies or food choices, as it rarely lands the way people think it will.

Just burst into tears and ask them why they feel the need to comment on what does inside your mouth.

How many people in your life actually make comments? I've only ever had my dad say something to me, once.

I've never heard anyone else say anything to anyone.

Is it friends and family saying it? When you decline something?
Are they trying to encourage you to eat more?

I'm size 8 and this attitude doesn't resonate with me at all. I don't watch my diet and excercise so people will admire my willpower, I do it for my health and how I want to look, not so people think I'm some sort of superior self sacrificing paragon. Basically, it's its own reward so I don't need anything from anyone.
If people say things like that to me then I just tell them I don't fancy whatever it is on offer, or accept it if I do, or maybe say 'haha I soon won't be!' Or similar.

I have it at least once a week. In the office when I eat some biscuits or my lunch or anything really (I do graze a lot) they comment on how I can eat so much yet be slim (60kg, 170cm).
I don’t eat huge meals and I do a lot of exercise. I do eat little and often.

I get it a lot because I've always been naturally slim.

It doesn't bother me though, I just nod and smile.

I always refuse cakes at the office and it's so annoying when people do the whole 'oh aren't you good!'

I'm not 'good', I just don't have a sweet tooth. If it was ever sausage rolls they'd be fighting me for them. 🤣

The people saying it usually have huge issues over food so I just smile and nod.

I say exactly that. "yes i'm slim because I don't eat the cake". my favourite is when people say I don't need to go to the gym because I'm nice and slim. erm...

I think I find it more irritating now because is getting harder to make the right choices in peri - challenges with sleeping and managing stress, desire for a little treat in the evening after powering through the day. Those who know will understand. So, when I was younger, I just grinned and put up, now I feel quiet rage.

This.

Yeah I used to get this at my old workplace. I also don't have a sweet tooth, milk chocolate gives me acid reflux so I generally avoid it.

It's not personal when they say this stuff, it comes from people who are very preoccupied about their own weight and diet. I just have compassion for that (not compassion about their weight which I have no opinion about, compassion for their obsession with it) and don't take it personally. It can't be easy to be thinking "I ought not to eat this" all the time.

I do think there's a physical element and it's not just willpower. My whole life I've never been overweight, my body just stops being hungry when I'm full and I'm slightly repulsed from eating any more.

But when I was pregnant both times I was HUNGRY and just ballooned like violet beauregard; I put on 50% of my body weight and my pelvis couldn't cope and I waddled painfully. I put on £25kg each time, of which less than 4kg was the baby!

Then after both births, went back to only feeling hungry at mealtimes and the weight fell off again.

I guess they've worked it out with the weight loss jabs, it's all about the hunger and feeling-full hormones

Same here.
The only reason I’m a healthy weight is because I’m constantly battling appetite, portion sizes, treats etc.

If I ate every time I felt hungry I would pile on weight.

I have had this and my answer has always been "I am slim because I dont eat that even if I want to!" so chucking it back at them.

I hear you. I resent being told I am lucky to be slim. No, I am slim because I put in effort and willpower every single day. It is a choice I make, although I never mention it unless someone comments.

Oh yeah, I will always say no to cake but will rip yer face off for a sausage sandwich!

I feel you. I’m reasonably tall and like to exercise.
There was one particularly vociferous ‘you can eat/wear anything’ woman in the school mums group.
I can’t eat everything (food intolerances). I’d love to wear floaty florals but then I look like Dame Edna’s giant cousin. Strappy tops and halter necks: Instant rugby player. Skinnies and boots: Ronald McDonald.
Everyone has flaws.

There was one particularly vociferous ‘you can eat/wear anything’ woman in the school mums group.

This woman was probably twisted up with envy and feelings of inadequacy. It doesn't make it OK but I'd have cringed for her rather than felt annoyed.

I imagine it’s the same for anyone experiencing lazy assumptions ..like fat people don't exercise or eat healthily. That two people could eat the same things and be different sizes.

If only everyone could just stop the personal and unnecessary comments about anyone which are a form of control and superiority