You can eat that, you are nice and slim…

[Arriba]

What would be a good response to this patronising remark I hear often enough from random people who don’t mean to offend but fail to realise that I am slim in my late forties precisely because I do not eat every cake put in front of me?

I hear people who have lost weight being praised for their effort - good for them. But lifetime of moderation (I want that cake / another cocktail / few more chips as much as anyone else) is not recognised as much of an effort as a diet with drastic results. It’s not a genetic lottery, it’s not effortless willpower, it’s a sustained choice I make at every meal / food shop / event.

Even if I do not say it out loud, I am sick of smiling politely in response to another colleague / random person on holiday, feeling entitled to comment on my healthy weight like it’s their mission to sabotage it.

But many don’t admit that they are slim because they constantly watch what they eat etc so just be honest & say “I’m slim because I don’t eat that cake”

Hmmmm doesn’t sound like you understand obesity very well.

When ppl say this to me I see it very differently - I don’t feel smug about all my ‘good choices’ I feel a bit sick that there are people who think what you weigh should dictate whether you eat an occasional slice of cake, there’s real misogyny behind that way of thinking.

I think many people assume diet is about weight loss and not management. So they believe they’re being kind and complimentary and saying you don’t need to lose weight.

I wouldn’t bother trying to response any particularly passive aggressive way, they’re well meaning at the end of the day, just clumsy.

As someone whose lost a lot of weight, I agree with you.

I get told (mostly by in laws) that I've done SO well, I should spoil myself.

But what they're offering is some crappy supermarket cake with nasty artificial frosting and a distinct lack of flavour. Or a big beige buffet. Food that not only is unhealthy, but definitely not worth the calories, and that I associate with depressive overeating, not sensory indulgence.

They fail to see a really nicely made salad with a fancy dressing as treating myself to something delicious. If it doesn't have palm oil and soy lecithins in it, it's not a treat to them.

I put it in the same category as the waiter at my wedding who said I was having the vegetarian option. I'm a meat eater! But I also picked the menu and knew the brie wellington was the best thing on it!

Someone with eating issues who overeats to the point of gaining a lot of weight is often not just saying yes to the cake or the few extra crisps.

I'd like it to anyone else dealing with addiction issues, I've always been able to turn down a drink. I like a glass of wine but can happily stop after 1 and don't need to get blotto drunk. Many others can't.

Your comment to someone with binge eating issues and hormonal disruptions causing difficulty telling you're full is the same as me saying where's my lifetime of sober chips?

And you can say it's not a genetic lottery etc but I can tell you when I have been on PCOS medication for my hormonal imbalance ie easily lose weight and otherwise I need to stick to under 800 calories a day and still lose slowly.

You manage your food intake and your health and your health is your reward. I'd love to be entirely free of my binge eating tendencies, is need my childhood rewritten and my PCOS to have been dealt with 10 years earlier than it was to reset myself to that point.

Once you've gained weight your body is on a hormonal drive to keep you there with your energy storage. And listen I'd happily never have anyone mention my weight, I'm 2 stone down with 2 more to go and then a lifetime of mainenace to deal with and if I could never have my body mentioned while losing weight I'd be delighted.

When someone says 'youve lost so much weight' they may as well be say in g 'you were so horribly fat and ugly before thank God you've sorted that out you lazy greedy cow'

And I'm delighted not everyone is dealing with that, I'm glad you get to feel smug but I stand by the fact it's the same as me feeling smug for turning down a glass of wine and wondering why the alcoholics aren't praising ne

Well, imagine how much harder that is for someone already dealing with lifelong food and weight issues. If it makes you feel better it's 100times harder for me to regulate everything as a woman in my 40s than it was in my 20s.

The idea hormones don't impact weight is laughable to me, every time I've gotten pregnant my first sign is weight loss. Because if evens out my PCOS hormones. Both pregnancies I've ended 2 stone lighter than I started.

I find this interesting that the OP is only really bothered now she’s getting an idea of what it’s like for people who have other reasons for being overweight than just shovelling the cake in our face because we’re greedy.

Mad isn't it?

'its not some genetic lottery, it's a lifelong effort of healthy moderate choices'

Then immediately following with

'my hormones are making it harder for me not to overeat and gain weight, unlike all those other people who claim hormone difference and genetic difference effects their weight I can now see hormone changes effect my ability manage my weight which is entirely different to the hormone differences these other people face because I'm experiencing it myself so I know it's real but your difficulties are just excuses....'

1 step from working out that experiences different wildly

I was told I was lucky because I have nice toned arms and no bingo wings the other day - I have been lifting weights 3x week since I was 18 🤦‍♀️

I think genetics and luck do play a part, even if you're careful about what you eat.

My late mum was overweight (probably at some points, obese) for most of her life. As was her brother, and her parents. If i looked at pictures of them as children they were overweight...well before upfs. They didn't have a car, growing up, and my mum never learnt to drive and she walked or cycled to most places.
I have, so far (late 40s) never been overweight. I had an ED for probably 7 years in my late teens/early 20s, but since then have had a bmi of 21. I eat cake and chocolate, I think I eat reasonably healthily but I know I eat more than lots of people and I think its mostly luck.

I once uttered the Kate Moss adage, ‘nothing tastes as good as … ‘. It didn’t go over well.

Agree. You’re so lucky you are slim. Me yes I watch what I eat and exercise a lot.

What they really mean is please tell me you are only slim because it’s no effort to you and you eat anything you want as that makes me feel better about myself.

I even had the bloody nurse do it when she weighed and measured me, oh you’ve a lovely slim waist. I’d been called in to the gp as, when I’d asked for hrt it was because my mood swings were causing me to want to self harm and that had flagged me for a check. She also commented on what I weighed as it was a couple of pounds lighter than the last time, in a kind of a well done way. Really inappropriate and nothing to do with her medical role.

The post saying hunger feels different according to your genes - how do you know what it feels like to op and other people who manage to maintain healthy weight?
Yes, for some people it might be less effort because of their genes, but for others it’s been the same struggle - regardless of whether they managed to stay healthy weight or not. And then add to that perimenopause, etc.

Also, just because someone is not trying to lose weight doesn’t mean their body needs junk food. No one should be encouraged to clog up their body with unnecessary fat after they managed to say ‘No’ and resist. It’s a bit like insisting someone has a cigarette.

I literally have halved my body weight since my DH died. A combination of stress vomiting, then when that ended, my stomach had obviously shrunk, so I now still cannot eat more than tiny portions, 3 years on. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t eat anything sweet, because I don’t like sweet stuff. Strong cheese is my guilty pleasure.

People do comment on my weight, if they haven’t seen me for a while, but immediately follow that up with not believing I haven’t been taking the WLI’s. 🙄

Which I haven’t. But, if I had, I still wouldn’t need their opinions on whether it’s cheating or not. It’s nothing to do with them.

I don’t know people feel the need to comment at all, to be honest. It’s rude.

It is astonishing how much that Kate Moss comment enraged I guess people liked the idea of Kate being skinny but didn't like the idea that she was skinny as a result of deliberate choices and self control. So many fat people want to think thin people are 'naturally' thin, so it isn't their fault they are fat.

I get the annoying comments too, OP and there is genuinely nothing you can say beyond 'no thanks, I don't fancy that cake'. Because they don't want to hear - 'I'd love that cake but I prefer to be slim' - as shown by the outraged response to Kate Moss.

I am mid 50s and have had to reduce my eating drastically since I became perimenopausal. I am actually bored of people saying that I’m lucky that I’m slim.

I have to eat very little Monday to Thursday and then I will relax at the weekends and I always eat normally when out with friends socially. But I have to use huge amount of willpower on days that I’m eating less and the ‘food noise’ is overwhelming. But I want to stay slim and healthy and I have a family history of heart disease so I work on my willpower. It is definitely not luck and it can become quite tedious to hear!

I don’t say anything though. I guess I’m not somebody that bores on about weight and diet, so maybe most people don’t know how restricted my eating has to be on some days in order to maintain a slim and healthy weight.

Well I wouldn’t take offence over it. We don’t all need congratulating or acknowledgement over every single thing we do. And when people say that to me I just laugh and say “yes I’m nice and slim because I don’t eat loads of cake”. The person saying it can take it however they want.

When I had my over 40 and over 50 checks, both times the different HCPs commented on my weight. One said, gosh I wish I had your figure. The other one said oh I haven’t been as slim as you since my wedding day. I found these comments unnecessary.

Clinicians should be objective and neutral when assessing somebody’s weight. For all they knew I could have had an eating disorder or trauma which had led to me being slim. I found it inappropriate and unprofessional.

I blame society of course. Society has fetishised being slim as the holy grail and there are no grey areas or nuances.

Whilst it is temping to make a comment, I think it would be best to stick with no thank you.

The elephant in the room is that there are people who, for some reason, can eat whatever they want without gaining weight or doing any particular exercise. I know because I'm married to one. BMI of 16 and eats a constant diet of cakes, biscuits, chocolate etc. He's in his 60s now and has been like that all his life. If I eat what he eats, I become obese - I know because I've tried it. I have to stay under 1000 calories a day to keep my BMI in the healthy range.

I accept this isn't quite the point of the thread as OP and others are not people who can eat what like with no impact, but it should be acknowledged that people like that do exist, the overweight people expressing envy aren't under some enormous delusion, they're just directing their envy at the wrong person.

Responsible people don't like the Kate Moss comment because it became a slogan for those with ED.

Well if I eat it I’ll turn out like you and I don’t want that thanks!

Say to them " nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" that'll keep their gobs shut 🤣

Agree, it’s the same for so many things.

earn a lot, you were lucky.
fat, you lack will power and sit on the sofa eating crap
slim, you have a good metabolism or an eating disorder
nice car, it must be leased
nice house, you must have inherited
fancy holiday, it must be on the credit card and you’re up to your eyes in debt.
look happy in your relationship. It’s probably shit behind closed doors.
good friends, you’re a clique
working mum you’re a part time parent and someone else raises your kids
sahm you are lazy and live off your husband.

the list of cunty remarks people make is endless.

This totally