You can eat that, you are nice and slim…

[Arriba]

What would be a good response to this patronising remark I hear often enough from random people who don’t mean to offend but fail to realise that I am slim in my late forties precisely because I do not eat every cake put in front of me?

I hear people who have lost weight being praised for their effort - good for them. But lifetime of moderation (I want that cake / another cocktail / few more chips as much as anyone else) is not recognised as much of an effort as a diet with drastic results. It’s not a genetic lottery, it’s not effortless willpower, it’s a sustained choice I make at every meal / food shop / event.

Even if I do not say it out loud, I am sick of smiling politely in response to another colleague / random person on holiday, feeling entitled to comment on my healthy weight like it’s their mission to sabotage it.

• Gritting your teeth and telling yourself eating the cake would be a fleeting pleasure and you'd feel crap afterwards.

• Planning treats like cake so you can really enjoy them and make it worthwhile, your favourite, good quality cake, not some random supermarket rubbish that someone's left out in the office.
• Eating filling foods for your main meals so you're not feeling hungry when you come across cake, which obviously makes it harder to resist.

I feel exactly the same. I'm middle-aged and slim. I will happily eat a big meal if I'm at a restaurant and it's delicious. But I don't snack much and the rest of the time I eat well and exercise. I agree it's not totally luck, maybe some, but it's daily choices as you say. I've had a lifetime of being told things like "You shouldn't be eating those chips, you'll ruin your figure" but also "How do you stay so slim when you put so much food away?" Funny though that if I answer that question, the person who asked it isn't interested in the answer!

I really think you can choose how you hear this. I was overweight in childhood and adolescence and have generally been healthy weight since mid 20s, with a few periods of slightly slipping into overweight bmi. Like you, for me this requires saying no more often than yes, only occasional takeaways, never buying myself cakes, biscuits etc, working hard to rarely snack. When people say these "it's alright for you" comments, I hear not only am I being successful in my efforts to appear slim (feels like passing as a thin person, when inside i still think of myself as the overweight person I was in my youth), but it is also a compliment about my willpower and determination to be healthy. I just reply "oh it doesn't come naturally, I have to be careful what I eat" and move the conversation on to something more interesting.

I don’t think it matters if you’re fat, thin or anywhere in between.
If you don’t want to eat something then you don’t need to justify your reasons to anyone.

I am the complete opposite.
A couple times in my life I have been overweight and that is when I don’t eat the treats, and then I get constant comments about why I don’t ever eat etc.
When I’m a healthy weight I eat all the cake put in front of me, which helps me maintain a healthy weight.

It is annoying. Some people can just have some really weird ideas about diet.

Eating a plate of salad doesn’t make you slim anymore than eating a large slice of cake makes you fat. Like you say it’s consistency over time. I’ve had a few times people commenting on me eating a lot for one meal or eating chocolate and saying I’m lucky. What they don’t consider is that I hadn’t had anything like that in a while.

I once had someone ask me why I was eating a salad because I was already slim.

I think that may be the peri menopause talking and not the lack of cake. Try to just ignore and be thankful you don’t have a stone to lose.

It's get worst when you are teetotal and don't drink alcohol at all.

I actually react very badly to even a small amount of alcohol..Most of the women in my mother's family did as well.

I am branded as being miserable, antisocial and puritanical.

Just be the weight and have the figure you want. Ignore silly comments from stupid people.

I could have written that 20 years ago. Those exact words. It's an exhausting way to live. You're not afraid of being fat- you're afraid of the sense of inner panic and lack of control that you've associated with the
thought of being fat. I weigh 10kg more than 20 years ago, I don't count calories, I wear nice clothes and enjoy getting loads pf
exercise and attention from men too to be honest. You can overcome it too. I allowed
myself to relinquish control, experience the panic and fall apart. I "fell back together" instead. If you eat cake and feel panic, accept the panic. Ride the wave of panic. Allow yourself to eat again later and to gain a few kilos. You'll find nothing at all will happen apart from that you'll be more relaxed, healthier, happier. I just wanted to say that you can learn to ride the panic wave, it's possible.

God, I hate all references to food and weight anyway - everyone, fat or thin, should just pack it in as it's so bloody boring.

Having said that, let's not kid ourselves that however tiresome and annoying comments directed at slim people are, being slim, even under-weight, is considered aspirational, high status and an extremely desirable goal for women generally. Because of this, comments that reference a person's slimness, even if they come from a place of envy, are still 'punching up' in terms of the social hierarchy - crap for the individual (I know) but for those without eating disorders at least you can console yourself with the fact that whether you've 'worked' for it (through exercise and self-control) or not (great genes) you're perceived as one of life's winners.

Not so if you're fat. Being overweight has much more negative associations attached to it - laziness, poor self-control, unattractiveness, low intelligence, poverty etc, so even compliments from a slim person can feel like condescension at best, pity at worst (I know). Best for everyone to just shut the hell up about food choices and weight all together.

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Why don’t you just say, ‘thank you, I’ve worked hard to take care of myself, it’s so sweet you think it’s effortless’? Like this is just you flexing?

@Whatinthedoopla For me, a few things - unless it’s something outstanding, I know I will regret it the moment after I had it, so it’s not worth it. I will get a sugar crash, feel like crap and if I ever fall off the wagon for a few days (happened a few times), I am bound to get thrush.

Also, having something newish to wear that fits beautifully and makes me feel great helps to say no (like KM said about skinny feels). I try to seek out tasty, versatile healthy foods to feel I had a treat.

It should be about health and longevity but a lot of my reasoning is vanity based.

It’s rude to comment on anyone’s eating habits . But you are doing that yourself by saying you don’t eat every cake put infront of you .

It is also a genetic lottery. There have been studies on gut bacteria of slim/not slim people and it varies. They even do fecal transplants now to kick start someone’s gut.

I have PCOS. I loose more weight doing things like walking compared to something harsh like HIT due to cortisol. I also need to be more careful around carbs foods. But my body does not make it easy to loose weight at all. I’ve lost nothing on 800 calorie diets, but lost loads on 1800 calories a day. So to say it’s just willpower isn’t true .

I used to get comments like this on a weekly basis at my old work ‘oh lucky you eating that, I just have to look at xxx and I put on weight’. I was never offended but it made me feel awkward like I have to explain my eating habits. I’m the same size at nearly 50 as I was age 20

I don’t snack, usually have 1 large meal a day or 2 smaller meals. Don’t drink fizzy pop, or have sweets or chocolate. I will fight over crisps or sausage rolls though and have no willpower so don’t buy them else I would stuff my face and would put on weight.

I think people mean it as a compliment but however you look at it, it’s rude to comment on weight or eating habits.

We really need to move on from commenting on people's size/weight, no matter which side of the divide they fall on.

I agree with you. I was overweight as a teen and then lost a lot in my early 20s. I always got comments like "Oh, you can eat this now, you've lost enough". It was infuriating! I settled at a very healthy weight and no, I couldn't just eat everything I wanted, if I did, the weight would come back on! And it's not up to ANYONE else when or how I choose to "treat" myself.

It won’t happen, slim equates to conventional attractiveness. Some women compete with other women. Look at the constant threads on here where people proclaim to be anti weight loss injections, like thays even a thing, and then trot out misinformation, using poor Kelly Osbourne as the poster child.

weight will always always be an issue as long as some women compete with other women, and it is nearly always women attacking other women for becoming slim,

Out of interest would you tell an alcoholic this about a glass of wine?

No, alcohol is slightly different because you can abstain from it completely, whereas you can't eliminate food from your diet so it's a question of choosing what you eat and how you eat it.

I absolutely agree! I am a slim 55-year-old but have eaten sweet treats and fried food in moderation all my life. In fact it’s been the bane of my life because I absolutely love food and I have a very sweet tooth so it riles me when people say this as I have watched what I eat my whole life.

I don't understand the need for your "quiet rage".

Just say, "that's how I stay slim"

Take it as the compliment it’s intended to be and stop finding offence where none is warranted.

@MasterBeth Thank you. This is exactly the one liner I was after.

I am in a similar situation, also hitting menopause. I use that to my advantage now, and just say "Ah sadly these days I can only get away with it on special occasions." Conveniently ignoring that it's a lifetime of discipline, but much easier socially. It doesn't really matter what they think ultimately.