You can eat that, you are nice and slim…

[Arriba]

What would be a good response to this patronising remark I hear often enough from random people who don’t mean to offend but fail to realise that I am slim in my late forties precisely because I do not eat every cake put in front of me?

I hear people who have lost weight being praised for their effort - good for them. But lifetime of moderation (I want that cake / another cocktail / few more chips as much as anyone else) is not recognised as much of an effort as a diet with drastic results. It’s not a genetic lottery, it’s not effortless willpower, it’s a sustained choice I make at every meal / food shop / event.

Even if I do not say it out loud, I am sick of smiling politely in response to another colleague / random person on holiday, feeling entitled to comment on my healthy weight like it’s their mission to sabotage it.

You could say something like...

"Yes, I'm lucky aren't I, not like you, you big fat slug."

(You can use your own deprecating words, depending on your mood at the time and how slug-like, or not, the random person is.)

I agree with this ^.
My mum is like this , she gained a bit of weight in menopause stage but then it disappeared. I didn’t inherit this ability from her, far from it. ☹️
I also know that different people react differently on hunger. My DH is just tired. I’m angry, emotional and irrational. I also have some health issues which make exercising more challenging.

So just because its never happened to you it can't possibly have happened to someone else?

I’m fat, and in the process of losing weight at my old job I had more and more slimmer colleagues put cake and chocolate under my nose. It was bizarre, I kept saying I’m trying to lose weight and they’d say I deserved a treat.

Many women are weird about weight. I just don’t comment on anyone else.

I once worked in an office where everything I ate OR didn't eat was commented on by a little group of women who, to be fair, only ever talked about diets and weight among themselves anyway.

If I had the cake it was either "you can eat that, you're so slim" or "you shouldn't eat that, you want to keep your figure".

If I didn't have the cake it was either "go on, have a piece, you're slim so it doesn't matter" or weird noises of approval as if I'd ticked off some sort of good behaviour box.

Whether or not I had the cake was only ever dependent on how nice the cake was. Sugary supermarket nightmare, no thanks. But I can still hear the intakes of breath when I brought in cakes from my favourite independent bakery and had TWO slices.

(I'm thin because of my genes. I don't watch what I eat. I do exercise a lot, but a few years ago was injured for several months and while I felt horribly unfit, my body didn't change all that much - just got less toned.)

Someone brought a load of baking to an extended meeting last week. I said no thank you to eating any of it. My boss made a comment that people who denied themselves food were also denying themselves love and it was the first time since I got this job that I thought I might actually lose my shit and shout at him. I am happily and steadily losing weight and looking after myself in this way is a form of loving myself: I don't have to eat cake for that!

People are so weird.

if you eat what your partner eats when you are completely different people - different sizes and activities and likely sexes - then of course you might get fat when they didn’t. Yes he might be stable on 3000 calories and you on 1000

nothing magic , not hugely genetically different metabolism, just basic physics

people say it about me - that I eat anything and stay basically slim

i also do far more movement usually

and what they see me eat - if we go out - isn’t what I am eating 90% of the time - and o don’t see what they eat either but I know they all eat less home cooked dinners and way more carry outs and meals out

Thanks for giving me a chuckle- your descriptions are really vivid

I used to also get comments about my eating at work - and I could see they had the same or bigger lunch - big bag of crisps vs small one, big vs small kitkat, lots of dressing on a salad or sandwich vs something plainer. It was strange

This i agree with !!

I’m a size 8 and in my early 50’s and over time have realised

• I’m tall than average so I do get to eat more calories than most without weight gain
• I think I hate exercise but I do it x3 a week and have done for 30 years so I obviously don’t hate it that much
• I enjoy being slim more than a cake/ pudding/ huge meal. Other people don’t!

I think some people genuinely struggle with weight gain/ fitting in exercise/ food choices. I don’t particularly so I am lucky.
I’ve also come to realise that this is much less about willpower or conscious effort on my part but genetics and my personality type.

I'm that height and weight and can actually eat quite a lot and still maintain it.

I would consider "slim" at 5 ft 5, being around 8 and a half stone (which I was in my "youth") and I would have to really cut back to maintain that.

Just smile and nod.

The lightbulb for me would be that it showed some people’s metabolism can power through more calories. If they always ate small meals then they wouldn’t be able to eat one huge one surely? I have a friend who has always been very slim and she consistently eats more than I do. She even comments how little I eat. I’m several dress sizes larger than her.

I always got this at work. I had a reputation for never eating the cake.
I weigh the same in my 60s as I did in my 20s. A lot is down to genes but also down to lifelong good habits like not eating between meals and not eating cake at work. Other than that I eat what I like for meals.

As a generality I do think people ‘graze’ more now. Years ago, no one ate walking along the road, on buses or trains etc. nowadays more do.

Years back, most just ate 3 x a day, few junk food outlets around, and got more exercise because fewer people had cars then.

Why do you give a shit? They’re making inane small talk. They’re barely thinking about what they’re saying and they’re not insulting you… just roll your eyes and move forward in life.

If that was the case how would such things as elevenses, afternoon tea, supper exist? People have always had snacks and treats (when money allowed)… it’s just that all the ceremony has gone from it now because food is cheaper and people have less time (or imagine they haves less time).

Try being diabetic (type 2)! I try not to eat sugar or carbs, but people always think I can make an exception “just this once”.

Reminds me of "Can she have some wafer thin ham Barbara?" 🤣

🤣🤣🤣 this is one of my favourite lines.

Mine too! 🤣🤣

I get it, it’s tiresome trying to tell people that actually I don’t want a doughnut because I can do without the sugar and grease and also the poorly tummy that accompanies such junk food.

but everyone assumes I’m on a diet and gives me a lecture

I get this a lot too.

I am not even that slim! I am toned and athletic looking but I guess compared to some I have a flatter stomach, no (easily) visible flab etc.

I had someone at work say something like 'How come you can eat crisps from the tuckshop all the time, I get fat looking at them!?' (Well yes Mildred, but these are 100 calorie rice cake packets and I work out, constantly!)

Or 'You don't have to go to the gym! Look at you!' (I look like this BECAUSE I go to the gym, Eustace).

'Why aren't you having pudding?! It isn't as if YOU have to watch your weight!?' (But Edna, I look like this because I watch my weight.

It's as if people assume that everyone who isn't fat, isn't fat because they're lucky enough to just be born to be slim/built that way/naturally slim. It's simply not true! If I ate what some of my friends ate I'd have things orbiting around me before too long. I calorie count, avoid sugary carbs. intermittent fast. But when I meet friends for dinner or go out with work for wine, I am having a day off and they do make comments.

What's the secret to not eating every cake in front of you?